Wenzi

Sometimes, we just don’t aware that there is indeed someone around us, who would lend us her warm and sincere hands when we are in a bed of thorns.

There’s a saying goes, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. In fact, there is a greater meaning behind the idiom. I can’t describe it in words. You have to feel it, experience it, in order to have a better understanding.

I rang Wenzi that day, all of a sudden to seek for her help. (* Wenzi was the sweetest girl in my class when I was in UTAR. She has dimples and a pair of big deep eyes that exude subtle charm when you look into them. hehe. There's a proof in the photo on left. I guess my huge and distorted pig face had spolit the beauty of the photo. But, please, look at the tiny face behind me, she's truly a beauty, isn't she?)

Me: “Hey, I am very sorry for disturbing you but I really need your help this time!”

Wenzi: “Oh, Chia. I’m so happy to receive your call. How’s your life? Is there anything I can do for you?”

Me: “I have an appointment with the US embassy for my Visa interview next Tuesday. The time’s pack and I couldn’t get myself a room to stay for two days right now…."(I haven't finish my sentence but she cut into my words by saying->)

Wenzi: “Then come and stay with me. Just tell me when are you going to arrive and I can meet you somewhere. No problem and no big deal.”

Me: …. “Thank you. You saved my life.”

Wenzi: Hehe. No that serious.

That was a very brief conversation we had over the phone. She talked to me with her usual cheerful tone and I could feel her sincere and welcoming heart even through the devices.

I slept with her for two days and she even gave me her house keys so that I wouldn’t have to horse around the KL area early in the morning after my visa appointment. Her action actually caused her troubles but she seemed to care nothing about it.

She didn’t really serve me as a guest as we are friends and have known each other for years. She gave me her full trust and had dinners with me for the two days. In fact, she was busy owing to her newfound dream job. Her daily schedule is tight but she spared her time to dine with me and chatted with me throughout the nights.

At the night before I went back for home, we chatted for hours while laying ourselves down on her comfy bed. We were worn off due to our tiring activities in day but still continued talking and talking. We talked about our days in UTAR, our old friends, our future…Well, just everything and anything.

At last, when I started to get goofy due to the tiredness, she pushed me a little bit on my right arm and said, “you wanna sleep? Hey, let’s talk some more, you are leaving very soon and this is our last night to talk like this. Don’t sleep. Talk."

That’s sweet, isn’t it? :-) I remember I gave out a wink, a very sweet wink for her in the dark and then tried my best to chat with her, until both of us fell into a state of unconsciousness. : P

Wenzi, thank you and thank you. I don’t know what to say here. Thanks for your forgiveness and consideration toward my ‘无事不登三堡殿’. Thanks for everything. How about this? After I complete my fulfilling year (Let’s pray so!) in the state, I will buy you a big present.

Muaks. <3 It’s really nice to have you as friend. You are charming, 'inside and outside' :P. All the best and I will miss you dearly. That's a promise.

Childlike Enjoyment

(photo taken from http://www.bigphoto.com)

I am the youngest daughter in my family and am the apple in my parents’ eyes ever since I was a kid. My parents’ love was like the sun that shone, throughout my journey of life. I used to be a joyful girl and enjoyed companionship from my little playmates and my elder brother in my childhood.

However, when I started to accept formal education in school, my mind was preoccupied by the ‘vision’ like getting the highest mark in class and my daily duties were attending tuition classes and made revisions or did additional exercises at home. Since I enrolled in elementary school, I lost all the childlike enjoyment. I couldn’t have games with my friends or explored the little garden in front of my house during my leisure time anymore. I had to study and made sure I scored 100% in every subject. The stress tripled as the years rolling on. I tried to live up to the expectation of my parents. The childish laughter, which was supposed to be mine, lost its track. I forgot the way a child should be. My lost childhood was stored somewhere else and I couldn’t retrieve it.

After my graduation, due to my further plan in life, I took up the job of a tutor in one leading tuition centre in my hometown for two months. (Ya, I have just resigned last month: P). I was in-charged of primary students, who are 9 and 12. I couldn’t bring up myself to love the job as the workload was incredibly heavy and those standard six kids were truly a bunch of rebellion-spoilt brats! It will never be a great experience to work with adolescents, who couldn’t even fathom the meaning of ‘respect’. Though, later on, I realised that it’s always better to treat them as your friends rather than giving out orders like a commander. Well, adolescence is a painful phase, I understand. Anyway, if I were given a chance to choose, I prefer to work with younger kids. :P hehe.

Like what I have mentioned above, I was in-charged of several 9-years-old students, too. I had a great time with them, they enriched my life and I gained a lot of inspiration from these lovely kids. I was lucky as out of my ten standard three students, five of them are diligent and obedient. Two of them are a bit slower in learning but they are well mannered and I enjoyed teaching them. Another two of them are talkative and playful but they are clever and would show me respect when I ordered them to so something. Er… the last one, JJ, was truly a hard nut to crack. Every tutor there would feel a pain on her neck when JJ is put into her class.

JJ attended my afternoon class. After having him in class for once, I could fully understand the reason for teachers to hate him. I myself hated him a lot at first and wished that he would never appear in my class. He likes making wave in class and enjoys becoming the clown of the class.

The things he did to make my blood boiled:

@He would never complete the extra exercises I gave.
@He would never concentrate in learning his spelling or dictation.
@He took three hours to finish his homework, which were actually three pages of vocabulary writing.
@His handwriting was like sh*t, which made me felt like shredding his exercise books.
@He is a REALLY fat boy and he smelt like a skunk due to his vest damp with sweat.
@He would talk back to you like nobody and complained for the corrections you asked him to make.
@He would talk and joke with pupils around him for hours, treating your scolds as nothing.
@He would run around the class and borrowed eraser, pencil, colour pencils, sharpener, textbooks, and some other tiny little things with his friends as if he came to class with empty hands.
@When he was punished, he would never learn a lesson and straight away making funny faces to make everyone laugh.
@He held the class’s dustbin in embrace for hours, refusing to let others using it.
@He loved mocking his friends and caused a lot of conflicts in class.
@He brought a tin of potato chips and spread them all over the table before eating them.
@He brought his frozen mineral water and continuously disturbed my class by squeezing the bottle.
@When you called out his name in front, he would never answer you.
@When he was forced to do some exercises, he would simply do then until he gained a ‘0’ mark.
@He seldom passes his subjects in school.
@He couldn’t walk properly and prefer to jump or crawl on the floor, which sometimes gave me a feeling that Malaysia was facing some kind of natural disaster like ‘earthquake’.

As a devoted and loving teacher, I tried to advise and talk to him nicely at first but all my kindness was in vain. As a normal human being, I know that kid-glove methods haven’t work; it’s time to get tough. So, I punished him, yelled at him and scolded him intently like a termagant until I got sore throat and couldn’t speak. Then, I chose to give up. My strategy was separating him from the rest of the students, leaving him making noises alone behind the corner of the class. Meanwhile, deep inside my heart I prayed for him to transfer from my class.

Things went on this way until that magical Saturday. I was having additional class with my students and JJ was definitely one of them. As usual, he was playing and chatting with himself behind the class while I was teaching in front. Suddenly, a girl in class fell of the plastic chair, as it wasn’t in good shape. All of the other students laughed at her. Surprisingly, JJ ran to the other corner and took her a new chair. I was puzzled for this chubby kid’s kind heart. Since then, I told myself that I have to judge him from another angle. He has his unique points that should be praised!

The next day, he continued showing his mischievousness in class, interrupting others. But, he completed his homework and spelling learning in time. I checked on his little *report book. (* Tutors in that tuition centre are required to report on the students’ attitude in class everyday. Those who done well would be given credits like 20, 30 or 50 in order for them to change some cute souvenirs. Their parents have to sign under the report in a daily basis, too.) I realised that he never received any credits before. The worst of all, none of those comments was good.

I gave him 50 credits that day besides praising his speed in doing homework and the concentration he gave in class. The next day, JJ underwent a total transformation. He completed his homework in great speed and did all extra exercises without grumbling. Besides, he was quiet and would seek help from some friends when he had problems in exercises. He talked to me in a very good manner and grabbed every minute to learn spelling and had revisions. He even skipped his 15 minutes recess time in order to do more revisions. He turned into a model student and I was scared of his demonic learning spirit! It came too fast and out of everyone’s expectation!

He wasn’t having fever. He was just encouraged by me, to become a better kid. Yes, we have to praise our kids, in whatever way he deserves. Never stereotype him or her into any kind of category, our generalization can destroy theirs future.

Try to judge things from a different perspective. Every young soul has its tendency to become successful and kids are playful, it's in their blood. You and I was the same, too! They just need a person to guide, lead and nurture them with an appropriate method.

I have resigned, and I am not sure if JJ still remains his diligence. In fact, I am worry about him and I wish that he could have a better teacher to accompany him, in his voyage of learning to be himself, to be a responsible student. I pray for him…

Blue Sky

What's the colour of your sky?

Lazing at home, doing nothing. I looked up the sky this morning outside from my house and was pretty amazed by the beauty of mother nature. Nope, I wasn't the one who took the photograph beside. Actually I got it from http://www.bigphoto.com. I didn't manage to snap the picture myself so I display one, which I think is similar to what I have seen.

Sometimes, take a rest from your hectic lifestyle and admire the landscape or scenery around you. You might have a different kind of experience. Who knows? You might be able to gain some inspirations. :-P

Ever heard of the frog's story? Once upon a time, there was one frog, which stayed under a deep well. He thought that the size of the sky was the same as the opening of the well as he had never been outside of the well before. A bird passed by the well and had a chat with the frog. She shared her experience in flying around the wide blue sky but the frog just refused to believe. For him, the sky is as wide as the well's opening, because 'seeing is believing'. That's what he had been seeing in his life. The bird mocked at him and flew away.

Yes, seeing is believing. Though, it will be greater if we can make a move to explore. Life's short and years roll on. Do whatever you can to live up your life to the fullest.

So, back to my question, what's the colour of your sky?

I have no clue of what's your answer going be like. But, I admire the endless, deep, and unpredictable sky. I could see the soft grey of the dawn, which had lightened. The sky was the wet pale blue of a water colour sky just painted and not yet dried.

That's the utmost stunning image that I will store in my mind. However, I am not sure if that's the colour of my sky as I am always the little one, who hides at a corner to show my admiration toward the titanic product of nature.

It doesn't belong to me anyway. I hope someday I can own a quarter, as a place to keep my footprints.

Testing! Testing!

Finally, I got myself a digital camera last week, after years of 'thinking' and 'yearning' in getting one. It's Canon Powershot A530. Ya, I know it's a cheap stuff nowadays... But, due to my budget consideration, it's actually a perfect camera to me. Besides, I am not a professional photographer anyway and I am retarded in using those high-tech items.. :p So, it's a great choice, I shall say.

Since nobody is here to take pictures for me, I took some on my own (that's what girls love to do the most during their leisure time. *blek*) to try this camera out by using some different functions. Hey, the camera is great :P hehe.. Okok... It CAN be great. I know the photoes look stupid... Forgive me mah.. not skillful enough.

Believe me,it's cheap but it's a good camera. I will learn to utilize its functions and then I am sure I would be able to produce some great photoes with good camera angles.. :-)

I love my camera!! Tash, Come and take some photoes together!! ^0^

Lampfly

She rang me this afternoon. It's really nice to hear her voice again as we didn't have chance to talk much during that messy convocation.

Her voice was like a sweet melody and it's still lingering my mind, even at this moment. I never expected her to make the call but she said that since I am leaving very soon, she should talk to me on the phone for a moment. I was over the moon. :) That means she cares. :P

Actually, we only chatted for about 5minutes, but, that's enough for me to feel the wramth of friendship. While we were talking, my mind raced in search for the memories we have in college, university and the Redang Trip. Years roll on, it's a cliche, but it's a fact...

Our frienship started to hail when I was in KTAR. She wasn't the first person whom I approached but she used to make me feel warm by asking me for lunches together in school. Besides, she's truly diligent and was the only girl who would attend all lectures and took down all notes.

She gave me a very special first impression as she's not that type of typical shallow girls, who only care about outward appearance. She keeps her hair short and prefer wearing jeans, short pants and T-shirts to skirts or any other girly dressing code. She's always smart and tidy. By the way, I find her resembles one of the singers in the Chinese pop girls' band- SHE. I told her about it and she laughed like crazy.

Talking about her, I shall say that our friendship is unique. We have been knowing each other for more than 4 years. Though, we have never go for a movie, dinner or shopping. We accompanied each other closely only inside the classrooms. That's kinda weird, maybe in a sense, we are not really that close to each other.

My friends claimed that I am a very 'cold' person, who could hardly get close with another human. That's not a truth, I love having 'crazy moments' with my friends and I can be really playful. She's having the same kind of personality, that's the only thing that make us a good pair of pals as we share quite a lot of things in common.

We swore to each other that we will never leave another party apart in all group assignments. Looking back at the passing years, all those hardship we encountered together in assignments and exam revision have turned into a kind of sweetness, which I shall be willing to taste it all over again, if I were given a chance. The times we had in Machintosh Lab, library, lecturer halls, tutorial classes...all are unforgettable. Just like the song goes,

"Unforgettable, that's what you are...

"Unforgettable, though near or far..."

I remember the night we saw the stars along the beach. I remember the day I walked to your hostel to ask for help in my revisions and final year project. I remember you fetched me back home after doing assignments by your Honda. I remember we shopped in the 'pasar malam'. I remember the joy we had when we met each other in the ceremony. I remember we sat in the first roll, facing the lecturers until their saliva fell on our cheeks sometimes ...I have too many to remember, so I carved them in my heart...

I still have that kind of picture in my mind- A short-haired girl in her blue jeans jacket, wearing a cap on top and carrying a light yellow bag, waiting for me outside the classroom to walk back to the stupid KTAR hostel together. When I asked her, "Won't you feel hot? Why don't you use your umbrella?"

She winked at me and replied," I am lazy to hold umbrella so I am wearing my blue jacket and cap..."

That's the prettiest smile I have ever seen. Stay in touch, Lampfly.

Mortar-board

I remember, 4 years ago, one day, when I was walking back to the hostel with Lampfly, we witnessed one convocation in the hall of KTAR. I hated study in KL as I was forced to be away from home so I asked her when are we going to graduate? She couldn't conceal her envy of those graduates at their success, I saw it from her eyes.

She replied, "I don't know..."

We were longing to complete our study as soon as possible and then leave the hateful city, forever.

I remember, when I was walking to the school with my pal, Chloe, I used to ask her, " When can I wear the Mortar-board? I hate studying here and yearn for a graduation..."

She answered, " Very fast. Time flies...within the twinkling of an eye, you will get your chance to wear that hat and, you are going to miss the schooling days..."

I doubted her words and prayed hard for the days to arrive...

Finally, on 19th August 2006 (Saturday), I had my convocation inside the MCA building. My parents witnessed me receiving my degree from the guest of honour. At the moment, I felt that I have really grown up and got to decide something very important for my future. And, my parents are proud of me and I must have some kind of achievement, continously for them to proud of...It's not merely about the Mortar-board, even though I loved it a lot! :P

Basically, the ceremony wasn't a good one as the space is really small, whereas there were too many attendants. Due to some errands and our ignorance, Protocol and I arrived late. We were in a hurry to wear our gowns and I was really a fool for leaving my coat with my parents. After minutes of torturing in waiting, I got my coat but I left my 'smart card' in my hand bag, and I had passed it to my boyfriend when I got the coat from him!!! So, a lot of things happened afterward. I got to redo the card, borrowed money from person I didn't know at all and then rushed up and down stairs to settle my things.

Luckily, I got my own seat after that and walked up the stage confidently.

Sadly, after the ceremony, the place was in a mess. It was crowded with people. Owing to some unexpected external factor, which was really unpleasant, I had to give up the chance of taking precious photoes with my friends. I was only able to catch some with several people, whom were near to me that time.

:-( That's really upsetting. I couldn't take photo with Protocol, Lampfly, Tasha, Chauyen, Laiyee, Chunyet, Khaisin, Fayes, Chloe, Wenzi, Leng, Kitfye and many more beloved friends...I missed the chance forever...Grrrrrr....

Please, if anyone of you happen to read my post, kindly send me at least one photo of yourself with Mortar-board on top. You guys are my friends and I want to keep it as ours last souveneirs. Please....

Though, I was able to snap this lovely picture with Kenjo. My cute friend, who resembles Japanense girl and who is really good in writing. :-) Thanks Kenjo. I love this picture!

Friends in JR1. Happy convocation. Strive hard for your future.

You guys have places in my heart. That's an unbreakable fact!

Love you all!

An Overview

-->Protocal invited YokeHan and I for the briefing at Subang Jaya in May. That's about a week after my final examination in UTAR.

-->After the briefing, three of us discussed about it in a McDonald's nearby. I was just joining the briefing for fun and didn't really think that I would be able to realise the plan as I couldn't drive well and didn't believe that I shall be able to do that as the application process seemed to be complicated. It looked like a dream, which is hard to be reached.

-->After discussing and talking with Protocol million of times, both of us felt like we should give it a try. Our mother promised to sponsor the expenses and we felt like there might be a chance for us to achieve the dream.

-->Protocol and I made up our mind, to try our best. We went through the complicated application process like meeting doctors, having injection, asking and even begging other tutors', relatives' and friends' helps. After two weeks of the torturing process, we completed the forms, the interview with the agent and the CPI test.

-->After coming back home and decided to work in hometown temporary while waiting for the confirmation and matching process, Protocol told me that her daddy was stomping mad for her decision. He forbidded her from doing that. Both of us felt like it's a nightmare. Protocol promised that she would talk to her parents in a heart to heart way and used whatever means to convince them. I was worried.

-->I was offered the jobs: Teacher in one international school and Translator in KL. Besides, I was called for a lot of interviews but I rejected them all. I was waiting for the application to be confirmed and had made up my mind of what I am going to do for my future.

-->A traumatic period while waiting for the confirmation. Many people thought that I was crazy. Too many 'What If' in my minds. I waited for about one month, I got the confirmation letter. But, Protocol hadn't got it. I was worry as the families started to write me e-mails and making appointment to call. More and more worries hit me this time.

-->One of the families has three boys and the host parents sound nice. I received the host mum first call and I like the way she talked. She gave me one week to consider about it. At the moment, Protocol got the confirmation letter, finally. But, no lead of family contacting her. If I have to make up my mind that early, I would not be able to leave with Protocol. I gotta fly alone, to such a far-away-land.

-->I received a call from another family in another state. Well, the family doesn't sound right to me. I realised that I have to make a wise decision without worrying too much about unnecessary things. Since I have decided then I shall brace up and make my second step. I told Protocol about it, she didn't say much but wished me all the best.

--> Protocol received a call from one family in Ohio. She wasn't sure of whether that's a family that she wants. I don't think she's going for it. My mummy said, ' If you wanna go, make it fast. Don't drag 'till October or November only choose the family. You wouldn't feel like going then...' She's right. My strong will was shaken, abit as I lead a peaceful and nothing-to-worry about-life in hometown. I started to feel that it would be better to stay at home. Though, my superego halted me from thinking about it again. I knew that I have to make up my mind, firmly.

-->The host dad rang this morning. He is more concerning about my lifestyle, my job, my personality, my ability and the tasks I am going to handle. Obviously, he's more careful and we talked for about 2 hours. He's just trying to make sure that I have made the right choice and have a better understanding of how's the job going be like. I fathom his situation, they are his kids.

-->At last, I made up my mind. I told the family that I am going to join them. Well, I think they are happy about it, I think...

I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know if I made a stupid mistake or terrible decision, but I will try to overcome the difficulties. If I fail, at least, I have tried.

So00, California! See you there on 2nd October 2006!!!

Farewell

I burried corns, spinach and some of my piggy's favourite food under the tree. Not to be supertitious, but I just want to give him something, for the very last time...

This is a month of mourning. I am not going to upload anything in this July. Not a good month, I think...

Farewell, Piggy.

You will be in my heart.

Thank you.

This afternoon, when the time is reaching 4pm, I suddenly felt fitful and uncomfortable. I checked on the students’ homework with growing unease, talking and teaching them with my greatest impatience. I may not be a loving and devoted teacher but I never had that kind of feeling before. My psyche was messy. I felt like I was getting sick or going to kill somebody. Yes, without rhythm or reason. Maybe it’s a kind of ominous omen.

A moment ago, when my dad was driving me home. He told me a bad news. My Piggy had passed away. My parents found him died after coming back from work. It was about 4.30pm.

I knew this would happen. I actually prayed for it to happen yesterday night, with my tearful eyes and smashing heart. Thank you, Piggy. I know that you heard my prayer and answered to it. Thanks for fulfilling my very last request. My good boy, you are such a wonderful guinea pig, you don’t want to torture your mama that way, too, right? Clever boy. I am glad that you have escaped from the sufferings and illness, really, even though I hate you leaving me…

My parents buried my piggy under the fruit tree in front of my house. I wanted to do the job, I want to touch him and send him off, for the last time. Sadly, my parents curried him underground while I was working. They refused to wait, or they were just worrying that I am going to sob like a mother who is losing his precious son. Not sure, I guess I will. I cried for the entire night yesterday. My colleagues were concerning about my swollen eyes. They were wondering if I wasn’t feeling well. Yes, I was and I am. He had been with me for six years, that’s really a long time for a rodent and a human. I might neglected him sometimes but I truly enjoy the time I cut his fingernails, bathed him, talked to him and mocking at him for his silliness.

The touch and glances at 12pm, before leaving for work, today were the last few contacts I had with Piggy…I saw him laying lifelessly in the cage, with his paralysed body. His back legs crossed with each other in a weird and funny way, as they weren’t functioning anymore. He was tired, I could see it.

Nope, I am going to erase those awful pictures. I will store the fat and furry Piggy in my soul. To me, you are always the cutest one.

I felt that my heart is empty right now. Somebody dug a big hole on it. But I am really happy. Piggy, thanks for doing me such a wonderful favour. I love you. Remember, my boy, if you are going through a reincarnation, never become an animal again. If you were to be a pet again, I would only allow you to be mine. Please…

Rest in peace, my Piggy. I love you…now and forever.

Thanks for everything… MUAKS.

Piggy. I am sorry.

His fur are formed by three colours: White, brown and black. The utmost significant part is his left eye. A ‘dark circle’ surrounds it. This is the uniqueness of him, which differentiates him from the rest of the guinea pigs and it is the reason for my dad to purchase him from the pet shop, six years ago.

His name is 'Piggy'. I named him that way because the only thing he has been good at is asking for food. He is actually a substitute for my deceased white guinea pig when I was 15. I cried so badly for losing my little guinea pig so my dad bought ‘Piggy’ for me after that. He was so skinny and tiny that time. I still remember that. He was placed in the small box and was terrified to be brought to a new place. My dad fetched me back from my tuition centre. He passed me the box and asked me to open it. ‘Piggy’ was trembling in the box, with his worried and vacant eyes. But, his dark circle cheered me up. Since then, I know that I got to take care of him well.

Basically, guinea pig is a kind of domestic pet, which is very easy to be reared. They are not demanding and would only make some noise when they are hungry. It is funny as they would recognize and remember the sounds you made before preparing the meal for them. For example, normally I would open the fridge to take out some vegetables or corns for them from the plastic bags. Next, I would wash them under the tap. These little creatures would squeak when their ears capture the sounds of water running down from tap and people dragging the plastic bags. Besides, they would stand up and lean on the cage, squeaking non-stopping whenever they hear your footsteps.

I have a lot of experience with rodents like guinea pigs and hamsters. I had too many of them. ‘Piggy’ used to have one mate, but sadly, she died after giving birth at the second time. Yes, ‘Piggy’ was a dad before. He and his mate produced 6 little ones at the previous two births, taken place four or five years ago. Those little pigs were incredibly adorable. They were naughty and did a lot of funny things to make me laugh. I did not have a lot of space and my parents didn’t allow me to keep too many of them. They actually asked me to keep those little ones and sell the parent. However, I couldn’t bring myself to do that. As such, I chose to keep the parent, ‘Piggy’. The babies were sold after two months. I made the choice because I think that the babies were so lovely, it wouldn’t be hard for them to get a new owner. Though, for those adult guinea pigs, like ‘Piggy’, it might be a problem.

It has been a long time since the day I owned Piggy. More than six years ago. It’s truly amazing. The average life span for a guinea pig is about 3 to 4 years and many of my friends’ guinea pigs only lasted for few months. Anyway, mine is able to survive for more than six years, until today. But, he is really old and in a very bad condition.

There were tumours growing on his back. There is nothing I can do to help. The tumours started to grow since three years ago. But, his health has never really been affected at the passing years. He slept well, ate well and grew into a huge and plump furry ball. Out of the blue, Piggy became skinny months ago but he still ate well. I had that kind of feeling that his time is near. I understand that, as he is really old. I have been telling myself that I got to prepare for that.

This afternoon, my brother’s girlfriend discovered that his two back legs were stuck at the bars of the cage and couldn’t move. After she told me, only I realised about it. No wonder, he has been remaining in the same position for the whole day and he didn’t take the carrot I gave him. But, I only realised about it in the afternoon! Gosh! What kind of owner? I tried to pull his legs out, it’s hard and I got to do it in a harsh way. His legs were out but they were scalped and the wounds get swollen and bleed. My heart broke. The saddest thing was, I realised that both of his back legs couldn’t function anymore. I don’t know why. I don’t know how he got his legs in between the bars. This is an incident that has never taken place before. I still couldn’t figure out the reason of his handicap. A moment ago, I went and checked him through, I realised that the tumours that are growing on his back seem to be the factor for him to lost the ability to walk.

I gave him some vegetables to eat but he didn’t really take much. When he saw me approached, he tried to squeak but he couldn’t move forward again. He used his front legs to crawl and dragged his body along so that he could move the front and reached me… I heard the sounds of smashing. It came from my heart. My Piggy is not able to climb up and greet me anymore. Actually, he couldn’t do that since months ago. He couldn’t response to my call or caress, he couldn’t even eat much. He lied there quietly and I wish that he couldn’t just sleep and never wake up again… I don’t want him to suffer…never ever.

I am the one to be blamed. I didn’t even realised that his legs were stuck. What my brother said is correct. I neglected him after getting the new pair of hamsters. My Piggy must be feeling lonely for these years. I didn’t really talk to him that much after getting the hamsters… I neglected him… my Piggy. Everything is too late right now… there is nothing I can do. I am thinking of putting him to sleep. Saving him from the sufferings, but, I know I would never able to do that, how could I end your life that way?

My Piggy, I love you. I am sorry for everything, Please forgive your stupid and barbaric owner. You are an important companion in my life. What we had, I always remember…I am sorry… I am sorry…

Piggy, please… close your eyes quietly… I don’t want you to suffer anymore… rest well…. That’s my last request…

Phobia

(picture taken from-http://www.discoverchiropractichawaii.com/_layout/car-accident.jpg)

When I was browsing through some websites this afternoon, I accidentally caught the picture above in one particular site. Immediately, I saved it without hesitation. That's the picture, exactly the one, which has been preoccupying my mind, when I am driving on the road.

I got my license in year 2003 and I never drove since then. I have been trying to master the skill of driving these few weeks due to the requirement of the program. I drove my brother's and my friend's car whenever I have the chance to do so. But man, it's hard. It's really hard, it's not in my blood. I don't have a gene in driving.

In my whole life, I seldom really worry about things as I always believe that once I brace up myself to make the first step, I will be fine. But, that's bullshit. If you are having that kind of phobia in your heart, it's truly hard to get rid of it. I have the picture in head every time I am driving on the road. My heart would pound and sometimes I would be in the state of blank when I am driving.

God, I am really retarded in driving. I can memorize all the theories in text books, I am able to work on my assignments and thesis under pressure in great speed. I have overcomed the greatest challenge I ever had during my intership but I just couldn't chase away my fear in driving.

Well, I have to admit that there are some improvement after times of practising but there are so many uncivilized nerds who do not know the rules on road. They speed and they honked at you ruthlessly when they couldn't cut your way whilst the traffic is maximal. They blame you for driving at such a low speed. Come on, I am not a great driver who is able to cut here and there. In addition, the roads were narrow, and the traffic was bumper to bumper. Following the rules, please...If you are rushing your way to the hell, don't drag others along with you!

My brother asked me to bang others' cars and then die together with them as I was truly an idiot in driving at the very first time he guided me on the road. He was mean but I think he makes sense. I was such a hopeless moron for him. By the way, Yong also acting harsh on me whenever he guides me. He never yelled at me before that now, he has been doing that from time to time when he is sitting beside me in his Wira.

I am such a failure and I sobbed helplessly for my handicap. The phobia haunted me so deeply. How can I get rid of it? Help me please. I have to improve my skill, or else, I won't be able to fulfil my dream and realise my plan!

GOSH! I need some help!

The day we hugged each other.

A moment ago, I told Tasha that I will only update my blog after getting a real direction in my messy life. Anyhow, after having a short but nice chat with her in MSN, I just feel like leaving a short note here.

In fact, chatting with Tasha reminded me of the golden old days we had in UTAR. That's not really a long time but I feel like I have graduated for ages. Maybe it's like what Chloe has stated, " We are entering a new phase in life, so we feel like we have left the school for a long time..."

Well, I guess so. Within these two months, many things are changing. I heard that some of my friends have moved back to hometown, some of them have got their jobs while some of them are undecided. The saddest thing is, some of the friends actually have stopped contacting each other. OH My, we have just graduated for not more than two months...If things go on this way, I am sure that after another two months, we won't be able to remember each other's names. Not a good sign.

Remember the day we hugged each other? That's the last day in class. I could feel the warmth when my friends held me in such a warm and sweet embrace. That's the first ( and the last time?) I felt that we were so close with each other...

Anyway, Tasha, if you are reading this, may I have your attention please? I know that I am not in your shoe so it would be hard for me to fathom your situation entirely. But, I had that kind of similar experience before. The feeling was terrible and I thought that I wasn't going to survive but I made it, luckily. You are an awesome girl, no problem for anything. Yeah! Just go for it! you will succeed!

Just try your best. :-) you are NEVER alone. Take care of yourself, that's the main thing. Try your best ok? Nothing to lose anyway! :P Wish to hear good news from you soon! MUAKS!

Cheers!

Decision

I have been receiving calls for job interviews these few day...But, I cancelled ALL of them! Yes, you must be thinking, SzeChia must be completely out of her mind, she's crazy...Yes, I am insane. I have been thinking about it over and over again. I couldn't let this chance flip away...I couldn't afford to retrieve it again. I am not sure if I am doign the right thing, but, I guess that's what I have been longing to be.

I had one interesting conversation with one brilliant friend online.

He asked, " Well, you like kids?"

I replied," I love obedient kids."

He noted, " I love Santa Claus. Both of them are imaginary."

This friend of mine is a genius. He has been giving me a lot of useful and intellectual advices. He is a nice guy and I am grateful for his teaching.

Ohya, don't get me wrong, I am not going to have any babies! :p haha, it's just a big decision in life.. I need a lot of courage and strong will to carry on... Pray for me.

All the best for myself...

Like a stupid Hunter.

I will be leaving to KL one hour later. Yes, another walk-in-interview for me to attend tomorrow...

Gosh, I am tired. I dont want to be a hunter anymore! There are traps everywhere. As a hunter, I stepped into one of the traps of the employers. Ewww.I hate liars. Why should they lie? *sigh... Door to door selling, Grrr..

I am leaving... Wish me good luck!

Heaven, Redang Island (-end-)

The Sea and the Sky







The Sunrise and The Mountain











The Flour Sand and The Mountain








The Evening and The People




Goodbye, My Beloved Redang Islang... I will be back, I promise...

My dearest Friends, Protocol, Lampfly and YOkeHan, You all will be in my heart...Now and Forever..

Heaven, Redang Island (3)

Three of us visited one of the souveneir shops in Redang Island. hehe. A lot of unique things were available for sale but we didn't buy any. See, we were chatting happily and Lampfly held one of the cheappest post card in her hand. At last, she didn't purchase, too. :P The Shopkeeper was cursing us in her heart, I guess...

Three stunning girls and the lovely big blue sea. The sky was the wet pale blue of a water-colour sky just painted and not yet dried. It formed a direct connection to the light blue sea... Wow.. Let's turn into mermaids, let's move our home into the deep blue sea...It's fantastic!

Oppps.. Protocol pinched me on my chubby face! haha.. She was just jealous about my flawless face. Hehe..She wanted to make me look ugly but I was still lovely. :P yo!

Here's one of the beach boys in Redang Beach Resort. He wasn't the one who led us in snorkeling but I think that he is kinda cool. We had a beach party at the first night along the beach, the audiences weren't supportive and this guy, who was topless, danced crazily to attract the people to join. It was hard to get the party started, Protocol and I joined the small group in dancing after seeing his hardwork. Gosh, his well-bulit body was glittering with sweat. He was kinda sexy, that time. :P

Here's are some other beach boys.:) I caught them unaware. hehe.:p They may look plain but their enthusiasm toward their work is excellent! Ask, Lampfly, she would tell you about it! :P

Yeah. He is Khai! One of three Chinese beach boys at Redang Beach Resort. Protocol like him a lot. He is that type of typical beach boy, well-built body, olive-skinned, easy-going, hilarious, cute, fun-loving, helpfull, sweet, and striking. Yeah! I love this picture!

This is Yee.:) He is a very kind and sweet beach boy. He was the one who drove the speedboat and sent us back to the quay. Protocol and I had a long talk with him under the moonlight. He stated that,' I have been working here for 5 years. Everday I bring different tourists to explore the ocean, showing them corals, fishes, and other underwater creatures. I have been repeating the same work day after day, but I never get tired of it.I love my job and I would continue doing it and staying here, till the end of the day...' That's impressive... How about us? Fresh graduates?Thnking of simply getting an Admin job? Wow! You guys should see their passions...

Robert, the leader of the snorkeling group is the oldest beach boy at Redang Beach Resort. He is cute and lovely. :) He was having his head on Lampfly's shoulder. Yeah! Lampfly enjoyed it, I guess!

Here's a group photo of those beach boys. Too many of them were on duty so we were only managed to get some of them into the picture. Pay attention to the guy with the cap. He is Pan! Wow! He is truly good-looking and charming. I couldnt take my eyes off from him since the very first moment I saw him. He has many tattoos on different part of his body and they look great on him. Wow! It's a pity. I couldnt take a personal photo with him, Pan! You are cool! I like you...

....Yee and another beach boy were preparing to send us back to the quay with the speedboat. :( Yes, time to say GoodBye...I don't want that...

heaven-Redang Beach (2)

Here's a space that planted with green bamboos near our resort. Protocol loves the lanscape a lot so we had several pictures taken there. The two girls in black are Young and Sherry. They are our new friends in the trip. The verdure of the mother nature and sheer greenery is captivating, isn't it? But I think 6 of us had spoilt the beautiful scenery :P

Four of us were sheltered from the hot sun at Redang Beach. Wow! It was 1 o'clock in the afternoon, the weather was burning hot so Protocol and YokeHan wore their 'cool' sun glasses to prevent the ruthless sunlight from hurting their eyes! Nonetheless, at that moment, the surface of the sea was sparkling with the light colour of blue and it looked inviting!

Protocol, Lampfly and I risked our lives to climb up the rocks to get the best camera's angle. Look at the picture carefully, if anyone of us had one step behind, unconsciously, she will fall and her brain or backbone would crashed at the rocks. We might be dying or end up paralyzed! That's really dangerous! By the way, is that really a good camera angle? :-$

Wonderful beach. Three of us sat on the wooden long chair and smiled at the camera. I was thinking that, ' How nice would that be if we could spend months in that island? Leading the island life, like those beach boys...We wouldn't need to care about job-hunting and others stupid urban troubles...But, it's just impossible...

Here's the close up of the crystal clear ocean. Don't you feel like soaking yourself into the icy-cold water at once? Come on, take off your shirt and pants, change into a swimming suit and enjoy the embrace of nature! It's time to relax and have fun!


Protocol and I were walking along the beach. Stepping on the flour sand, we left our foot prints behind... Now referring back to the picture, I am wondering, when are we going to have chance to walk on each others' side while admiring the beauty of the island again? Our foorprints were blown away by the wind, but the laughters along the way were stored in my heart...

We were having the steamboat as dinner at the very first day we arrived. At first, Protocol and Lampfly were complaining that the materials provided by the restaurant weren't enough for the four of us. But, at last, You guys can see the expressions of Lampfly and YokeHan! Hehe. Both of them were fed up with the food. Obviously, we couldnt finish the food...:P

Yeah, Cheers! Cheers for our future, Cheers for our friendship, Cheers for Redang island, Cheers for UTAR, Cheers for graduation, Cheers for eveything. We all must live up our lives to the fullest and keep in touch, even though it is hard...

YokeHan and I had the photo taken under a huge coconut tree. She is such a sweet girl, isn't she? Such a beauty, no wonder the beach boy was crazy about her! Yeah! YokeHan, thanks for spending time with us, love you! Keep in touch! Muaks!

Heaven, Redang Island (1)

Four of us, Protocol, Lampfly, YokeHan and I had our graduation trip in one of the utmost amazing tourism hotspots in Kuala Terengganu, Redang Island from 8th to 10th May, 2006. We faced some technical problems before getting into the bus and we were upset about the fact that we have graduated and going to separate with one another. However, after having a 9 hours journey on the bus, we were brought to the incredibly wonderful island by boat. At the moment we had our hearts and soul near to the mother nature, no more troubles in our mind. Nothing is really a big deal! Yeah! We felt that we were part of the island!

The wind, the sea, the flour sand, the sea shells, the sun, the beach boys! Here we are! :p At the very first moment I stepped my feet into the haven, I know that I would love this place dearly, and wouldn't bear to leave this wonderland...
Now...let's start the trip.. hehe..join me! Yay! Redang!

Jobless, Useless

I had my last paper about two weeks ago. Ya, I have graduated. Fresh graduate who is in the status of jobless. Gosh, like Tasha and all of my classmates, I have been trying my best to get an ideal job as soon as possible. I hate the feeling having no purpose and doing nothing in life. As such, I am kinda desperate. Tasha laughed at me for simply attending the walk-in interview, which I wasn't even sure about the position I was applying for.Yes, it sounds funny, but I couldn't just sit here and wait for a job to fall from the sky. *sigh. It's a painful experience...

Yesterday, I purposely went to Singapore for one walk-in interview. As usual, the stupid walk-in interview took me hours of waiting. I hate that, but no choice. The worst of all was that the company actually only interested in those applicants, who had at least two years of working experience. The person-in-charged said in the briefing session,

"Frankly, speaking, we are here to employ candidates with at leat two years of wokring experience. If you are a fresh graduates, we are sorry to tell you that it is pretty hard for you to be employed..."

I was dissapointed after hearing his words. Anyway, the interviewer was a nice person and I was thankful for that. The stupiest thing was that I forgot to tell him more about my experience in working as a journalist last year. I should have told him more. He seemed to be interested. Gosh, mayeb I felt hopeless and that time and I was too calm and too cool. I chatted with him, casually about many things that are irrelevant, instead of me entering Dean list or gaining front-page bylines and got in touch with prominents. Silly me!

Anyhow, I guess it is impossible for me to get the job. The other interviewer didnt even utter a word after knowing that I am a fresh graduate without any real working experience.*sigh..

That's not fair, yes, I know that you all need employees with great experience, the problme here is that if all of you continuously rejecting fresh graduates, where are we going to learn things and gain pratical knnowledge? I am deeply stressed, I felt like I am really useless. What for studying hard? What for getting good grades? The result remains the same.

I couldn't see my future. It is blurred, hiding in fog. Mother said that I am picky so it will be hard for me to get a good job. Am I? Maybe, but I don't think that I am going to apply for the jobs that are totally out of my field. Besides, I wouldn't accept a job, which underpaid me, in an exaggerating way, too! Perhaps, I am choosy. :(

I have too many 'what if' in my mind right now. What if I am not going to get any jobs in the coming three months? what if I am still jobless in year 2007? what if ... What if...? Stressful. Pressured.

Is there any way for me to get rid of the difficulties I am having now? Can somedoy out there pull me out from this bed of thorns? God. Suddenly, I am thinking of hypnotism. Yeah. Can it be a way for me to get rid of my difficulties? Sometimes, somebody told me that it can be a method to help you to chase away your sadness, troubles and so on. But, in fact, at that moment. Maybe. After coming back to the reality , the truths would haunt you again..

Yes, hypnotism. Heard about that? According to the wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia, Dave Elman defined hypnosis as "a state of mind in which the critical faculty of the human mind is bypassed, and selective thinking established."

Out of the blue, I am obsessed by the idea of hypnotism, wondering if it is really true. I heard and read some information days ago, some of the data stated that hypnotism actually is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, which means that when a person believe in a an idea strongly, he or she will try the best to make it come true.

So, this means that, the state of hypnosis is actually created by humans themselves? So, are they aware of what they were doing? Is the situation totally controlled by the hypnotist? So, this means that the subject actually has memories even in the state of hypnosis, but they just choose to forget about it or left them behind?

I guess I am crazy to think of these! Stressful, insane! *sigh!

Any job for me! HELP!

Michael Clarke Duncan

Birth name
Michael Clarke Duncan
Date of birth (location)
10 December 1957(Chicago, Illinois, USA)
Nickname
Hollywood Big Mike
Height
6' 5" (1.96 m)

Mini biography
Raising by his single mother on Chicago's South Side, Michael grew up resisting drugs and alcohol, instead concentrating on school. He wanted to play football in high school, but his mother wouldn't let him, fearing he would get hurt. He then turned to acting, dreaming of becoming a famous actor. After graduating from high school and attending community college, he worked digging ditches at Peoples Gas Company in Chicago.

When he quit his job and headed to Hollywood, he landed small roles while working as a bodyguard. Michael's role in the movie Armageddon(1998) led to his breakthrough performance in The Green Mile(1999), when his Armageddon co-star Bruce Willis called director Frank Darabont, suggesting Michael for the part of convict John Coffey. He landed the role, receiving critical acclaim for his performance.

(All information above taken from http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0003817/)

(photo taken from http://www.hollywood.com)

In fact, I don't really like to blog about celebrities as there are too many amazing actors or actresses in this planet. Majority of the Hollywood's superstars are glittering in the colourful world, radiating own subtle charm. It is pretty hard for me to have any particular preferrences. By the way, I don' believe that a 'showbiz outsider' like me is able to give out any impartial comments. Nonethelss, after watching the movie-'The Green Mile', I think I have to write something on the character of 'John Coffey', acted by the big guy as mentioned above.

(photo taken from http://www.triviana.com/film/ gfilm/greentwo.JPG)

Basically, the story is rooted at the friendship between John Coffey (Michael Duncan), who was accused of killing two little girls and Paul Edgecomb (Tom Hanks), the head guard on Death Row. Edgecomb wasn't really convinced that Coffey would be the killer because besides his gigantic body, he was naive, kind, soft-spoken, timid and obedient. The utmost important thing was, his eyes exuded a kind of simplicity or artlessness, like a helpless kid. (Duncan is incredibly outstanding! I really don't know how he did it! Gosh!)

Later, Edgecomb and his colleuges realised about Coffey's gifted supernatural healing and predicting power. Coffey's warm and innocent heart led the guards into a deeper level of humanity's values. Though, at the same time, the ethical dilemma. He saved a lot of people and punished those deserved. By using his power, Coffey lent Edgecomb his eyes so that he could get the truth. But, there was a price he need to pay. He would live eternally, seeing all the beloved one leaving him one by one.

Edgecomb resigned to his lot as he felt that it's a kind of punishment he gained for sending a good guy to the death path and eliminating the God's will...

It is truly a master work as it doesn't only focuses at the two main characters above, there are a lot of stories that are not directly related to each other, but they were combined in a perfect manner by the director.

Hey, Chloe, this blog is all about spoilers! :P hehehe. I love the movie, I love it a lot. I love Michael Duncan. He is truly amazing, he is a genius. I can't forget his eyes, the way the tears rolled down from his big and penetrating eyes. It's like a kind of sadness or begging he had in his heart; it's like he was searching for a missing pieces when he looked into your eyes...It is an extreme contrast with his huge and strong body, but it works WELL!

This flim reflects too many about human nature. I was really touched and i felt like giving Coffey a warm embrace. I wouldn't let off so that his sorrow and pain, he had been gaining for the passing years, would be healed or eased.

I love the quotes:

Edgecomb: "Your name is John Coffey?"

Coffey: "Yes sir boss. Like the drink, only not spelled the same."

One day before sitting on the electric chair, Coffey told Edgecomb, "I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?"

Yes. Coffey. I undestand. You have the kindest soul in the world, Michael Duncan has shown us your spirit and soul...

Bravo!

Truth Hurts

Ahhh... Let me recapture the past. We were the closest sisters in our childhood. Everywhere you go, I would follow; anywhere you were, there would be my soul. We had so much fun together. We went to school together, we took meals together, we cried and laughed at the companionship of each other.

Sadly, due to some weird and unknown reasons, we were drifted away from each other. Maybe that's what we normally named as the price of growing up... We became strangers and didn't talk to each other for ages. Though, I thought that our relationship still has its value. Nevertheless, the experience I encountered and the truths I heard from her hurt me. I got burnt.

Hey, I never talked you down in front of anyone else in that kind of malicious manner. Even though, I may not agree with your attitude and the way you deal with things, sometimes, but I never attacked you, personally. Deep inside my heart, I still regard you as my sister, even if you don't!

Remember the time when you were really helpless? Who lend you her hand? Girl, I accompanied you to search for your college and lost our way at the same time. I was worried about you and called you for times to make sure that you reached the stupid PuduRaya safely and soundly. Where was your dearest rich cousin at that time? You rang her but she refused to help by giving a stupid reason like: 'not free'. At last, what did you do? You groupped up with her and bitching about me, attacked me personally?! What the HELL!

Where did I go wrong? I am not asking you to thank me for my 'kindness'. That means totally nothing to you, I am SURE. But, I never hurt you, not in anyways. Why would you do these to me?

'You sit behind a beauty, envy you...'

A great SMS, huh?! isn't it? Being sarcastic?! That's what you have been learning in your years of studying? Cynicalism...Wow, I love it. Thanks for your compliments ya, my dearest sister... Yes, I am a beauty, a great stunning, incredibly amazing bella! So? You are jealous of me or what?

Tell you, Bitch! You are going to get your retribution for your miserable bad mouthing skill! I think we can see it right now, you are having your own troubles, right? It's not that your dearest sister here wanna curse you, it's just that some people like you, will met your own ends...

Let's wait and see...bloody Bitch!

My brother's recipe: 'Hokkien Flour Cake'

--> This is my brother, Teck. He is four years older than I but he never really act like a big brother who will take care of her sister. He is a bit 'naive' in the way he behaves and communicates with people who are close with him. You WILL definitely be scared if you are staying in my home and being expose to his daily foolish and crazy actions. You will think that this guy is completely out of his mind and need some medication urgently to balance up his emotions. I think the picture at the left explains a lot, there isn't a need for me to further elaborate on his character.:P But, sometimes he is normal, really. Anyhow, I am going to share with you all about my brother's recipe, 'Hokkien Flour Cake', the only dish he is good at preparing.

According to him, to prepare a 'delicious' Flour Cake for the serving of two people, first we have to place 400g of flour into a bowl and then mix it slowly with plain water. Next, we have to use a spoon to stir it well. This stirring process will go on for half an hour and we must have patient to do it carefully so that the best 'Flour Cake' will be produced (This step is shown in picture 1, as posted above).

Later, you can add on any materials you like to enhance the flavour and taste. My brother added in some fish curry powder and yummy 'Ikan Bilis', and then, he stirred the liquid in the bowl with those material for another 5 minutes. At last, referring to step 2 and 3 in the picture obover, he pour the liquid flour into hot oil, gingerly and gently so that a nice and flat shape would be formed. After the surface have turned into the colour of dark golden, you have to turn it over. This step will cost you about 15 minutes.

Finally, *DengDen! A hot and freshly fried 'Hokkian Flour Cake' can be served for two! Yeah, my brother is a bit stupid but yet, he is able to produce this tasty dish. Hey, it's true, it tastes nice! Next time, maybe you all can come to my place, I will ask him to prepare it for you all to try! YAY!

Well, in fact, the steps as mentioned in the second paragraph is not really true. I made it up so that the recipe will sound more normal and expert! hehe. My brother didn't measure the grams and minutes at all, he just simply do it, agak agak punya. :p haha.. He is not that professional, forgive him. :) Anyway, sometimes, he is cute.

That night, we had the flour cake as supper while watching the utmost idiotic horror movie in the universe-'Hostel'. I wasn't able to finish wacthing it as it is truly disturbing, disgusting, irritating, shallow and nasty. Though, my superficial brother, who emphasizes heavyly in 'sensation challenging experience' ONLY enjoy watching this type of movie. Silly him!

Hey, since my not-so-clever brother also can prepare a wholesome dish like 'Hokkien Flour Cake', I am sure that each and everyone of you is able to do that either, or perhaps, a better chef! hehe! yeah!

My goofball brother's recipe, try it at home. :P

P/S: sorrya, I have to apolozise for the indencency projected in the very first picture of my brother, who was smiling lecherously with his bare chest. That's the way he is, I am sorry! Please dont get disturbed or offended. :)