First snow with Protocol

I am here in New York, staying in a country house, using Protocol's host parents' laptop to write this blog. Yes, I am having my vacation week in Protocol's host parents caountry house. They will be staying here for one week, during this Christams and New Year holiday.

Her host parents are truly wonderful. You guys should see the way they smile. They look sincere and warm. I am really happy for Protocol. :) Glad that she has found a host family that trylu care about her, unlike mine. :P anyway, it doesn't matter anymore.

The thing that I would love to share with you guys here is that I have seen the first snow with Protocol at the journey from New Jersey to this country house in New York. I was so exciting and couldn't control myself but screaming and shouting like a little kid. I rolled down the window at the free way and sticked out my hand to feel the cold but soft snow. Then, we stopped at a gas station to fill in the gas before driving all the way up to the hill, those holy snow flakes fell on our face and hair... It's all so amazing.. I couldn't stop smiling...It's just marvellous.SNOW. Wow...

I am going to upload the pictures soon after we take the photoes. The reason for me to upload this post here in this country house is mainly because I want to jot down my feelings when it is still warm. :) I want ot say thanks to Protocol. Thanks, pal. Thanks for everything, I truly appreciate that. When you went and picked me up at the Newark airport, I was totally out of control, the excitement, the joy, the sentiments...We hugged each other so tightly and the tears came rolling down. I love you, Protocol.

Let's enjoy the rest of my vacation. :) Everything's fabulous when you are here with me. You are AWESOME. Sorry for what happened to you a moment ago. Your hamster will rest in peace. She will, believe me. :) I am here with you all the time. Thanks for your christams gift, that's the BEST gift I have ever received in my entire life. I will keep it at a safe place and store its image in my heart. Love you.

Love you, love you, love you,.

Merry Christams and a Happy New Year. May OURS dream come true.

MUAKS.

Mind the Letters

Disembody= separate or set free (the spirit or soul).

Uncomeatable=not accessible.

Symmetry= right correspondence of parts

Through= indicating the agency, means or cause

Insant= precise point of time

Nullification=making invalid

Hollywood

Hollywood. WHat's in your mind when you see this word? Hollywood! Shining superstars? Tom Cruise? James Cameron? I have all those blockbuster movies inmy mind whenever I see the Hollywood sign and I used to think that how nice would that be if I am able to witness the Hollywood sign in California when I was in Malaysia. Well, finally I make it. I was there for a couple of times and two weeks ago, My friends and I spent about 2 hours to hike and climbed up the hills, with the purpose to reach the Hollywood sign! We did it! Yeah!







After the visit, I don't find the Hollywood sign to be anything magnificent anymore. It's just a huge sign, nothing more than that. Anyway, It's an icon for California. So, it's always good to take some pictures there. I had fun, due to my friends, Lungisha, Kanyo and Cloudia who are loving and sweet. :)

Cheers for Hollywood! Yea!!

Hurray! Black Party!

Here's the pictures of the party I had in LA weeks ago. Wow, It was freezing cold. It's a home party, a farewell party for a South African guy, whom none of us know. It's the typical kind of home party in US. It took place in one huge double storey house with loud music, alcohol and food. We danced, drank and ate our food in the backyard. I could barely move because it was feaking cold and the cold wind was blowing. Anyway, the passion of the people overwhelmed the atmosphere. South Africans born to be dancers. They are passionate and cheerful. When you hang out with them, you will feel happy as they are just so easy-going.

I was the only Asian that night but it's ok. It's kinda fun as all of them had some extra glances on me, wondering what this Chinese girl up to in this back party. They are friendly, really. I love all of them, especially Lungisha, Jessie, Kanyo--->the hot girl and Cloudia, who is originally from Argentina.

I had a good time. :) Let's have a look at my pics. :P

Happy Thanks Giving.

"For thousands of years, people have set aside a day to celebrate the autumn harvest, giving thanks for a plentiful growing season. Ancient Hebrews held a special eight-day feast to celebrate their harvest season. And, people in ancient Greece dedicated a nine-day harvest festival to Demeter, the goddess of agriculture. Similarly, pre-Christian Europeans marked a good harvest with a large feast before crops were gathered and stored for the winter.

In the United States, this day of thanks is called Thanksgiving. It is a national holiday observed on the fourth Thursday of November. On this day, family and friends get together for a feast to celebrate their good fortune, relax and enjoy one another's company. It is also the unofficial beginning of the winter holiday season." (taken from http://www.birthdayexpress.com/bexpress/planning/Thanksgiving.asp)

Yes. Today is Thanksgiving day. It sgould be a day for people in US to gather with their family members, having a scrumptious dinner around the table. But, i am not part of the festival. I am all alone here, updating my blog in a HUGE, COLD and EMPTY house. hehe. My host family had left for the Thanksgiving vacation in a cabin this morning. They invited me to join them and I wanted to. Though, due to soem incidents that took place two days ago, I changed my mind and chose to stay here. So what have I been up to?

Errr.. the host parents, three boys and one dog left at 9.40am int he morning. At the moment they set off, I felt relief. I am really alone in this big house, I am free to do whatever I want. I can turn on the radio loudly, I can sing, I can scream, I can jump, I can just do anything. That's awesome. I did a lot of clean-up jobs today. I straightened the boys' rooms, closets, play areas, toys and so on. This is the first tme I feel so carefree. ever since I been here in US. I don't have to work until next Monday. the family will be home on Sunday night. It's just a pure silent around my area. It used to be an impossible dream when the boys are here.

Remember the movie, 'Home Alone'? that's the first movie I had with my parents in cinema when I was 6 or 7. Yes, long time ago, but still, I like it. I felt like I am the little boy in the film, hating each and every of the family memeber. He was over the moon when he was left alone in the empty house when the other family member were heading off for Christmas vacation. I think i share the same feeling.

Thanks giving is a big day in US. *sigh, but I am all alone here. ( Can't complain, I chose to :P) I really dont know how to spend my entire lonely night here. Gosh..in this house, which is way TOO enormous and cold. *sigh.. Yes, family is important. No doubts. Where's my real family? In malaysia, more than 9000 miles away.

Mommy and Daddy. Happy thanksgiving. I am grateful for whatever I have. life's tough, no doubts. your little girl has grown up right now. She knows the way to deal with life. There are still a lot of challenges in fornt, but she will swim though it. She will be fine. I am thankful for having you two supporting me. Thanksgiving is not for Chinese people. Still, I want to say thank you to you two.

"love you."

Ahhhh.. Like what Tasha said, Good to be alone sometimes... but, How am I suppose to spent my lonely night? God!! Be thankful!! :P

Dress Up Game

I had one party in Los Angeles with my friends two weeks ago. I would love to upload the pictures at the party but I dont have time right now. So, I decided to show you guys the pictures we took before the party. hehe. We had one 'Dress-Up' game. It's fun. I turned into a totally different girl. :P haha. Tell me what you think after seeing the pictures. :P

This is my hot South African friend, Kanyo, who is hot and spicy. She is REALLY sexy and you guys should see the way she dances and sings.. Wow. she is Hot! Man!!


My South African friend, Kanyo chose the costume for me. She wanted me to dress up like an African American. Come on, What's up what's up, check it out!! hehe.. Hip-Hop girl!!



American Next Top Models!! Wow. Lungisha and I.

The Moon in California

There's a Chinese saying goes, ' The moon is rounder in foreign countries.'

There's a Malay saying goes, 'There are golden rains in foreign countries.'

I had doubts towards the sayings before I came here. Now, I think that maybe in some points, the sayings are right.

In california, there are actually MORE illegal immigrants than legal citizens. There are too many Hispanic people came here either legally or illegally, yearning for a better working opportunity. As such, whenever I go, I will hear a lot of people speaking in Spanish, rather than American style of English.

I met some other Hispanic baby-sitters from Mexico last week. They came here through all different means, carrying the only purpose to get paid in US dollars. According to them, Mexico is still a poor country and the workers do not get good salary. And, Hell yes, they get paid SO well here. One of the nannies work three days week, from 8am to 5pm. You know what? She receives 350 US dollars every single week! Another Hispanic nanny who is elder and about the age of my mum works four days a week and she receives 475US dollars a week!! WoW! Can you imagine that? I dont even dare to have a thought of my salary with them.. it's wayyyy too far away. After making friends with them, they are really surprised that I am University graduate of Malaysia ( which is not really a poor country) would travel so far away from home to babysit for Americans. For them, that's a crazy idea. I tried to explain to them that it's a culture exchange program, I will be studying in one local college, plus the sponsored holidays, stuff like that. Though, to them, it's the same..They just couldnt understand as The work I am having everyday is more or less the same, and actually heavier than theirs. In fact, in certain points, I couldn't even convince myself that there's a huge difference between me and them, too...

I don't wish to talk about my own things here. I am fed up with it and I am sure each and everyone of you do. The point is that there's really golden rain in US, which is a unresistable attraction for people from all over the world. They are willing to risk their lives, leave their families behind, just to work here. Besides the babysitting job, they can also get a HUGE amounts of tips to work in restaurants and some other service oriented departments. It's true, It's a MUST to give tips in US. My friend and I forked out 5 US dollars for one meals in the restaurants. That's really a lucrative business! No wonder. Everyday, there are swarms of people trying their very best to work in US.

Basically, I won't do that and I will never do that. If i drwa a comparison, I still prefer Malaysia but US relly has its own unique points. I am not those patrotic freaks but I really love my homeland as it's the place I truly feel myself belong to. US is a wonderful place to enjoy life, and to gain experience. For me, it's a plce for me to grow and learn. I really wish that I can study full time here, as a real student rather than doing the things I am doing right now. However, let's think from other aspects, it's really a good way to learn soemthing different though living with real Americans. Seeing the way they speak, they think, they eat, they laugh, they work. You will realise how weird they are.

No, the moon in California is not rounder, if compare to the one in Malaysia, I think the later is bigger and brighter. Actually, there's only one moon, it merely depends on the way you see it.

No, I don't believe the golden rains thing. It's subjective as some people think that the monetary aspect is the greatest attraction. To me, I prefer happiness, which I can achieve only via self- satisfaction and enjoyable lifestyle. That's the true GOLD, isn't it??

One month

Today is 3rd November 2006. It's been a month since I have left Malaysia to US. One month, it's not a long time. But a lot of things had happenend and I am still trying very hard to make my life here to be a pleasant experience.

US is such a huge country and California is such a huge state. Americans are such a different creatures and Asians seem to have a lot of hard time to cope with them. I watched one Japanese drama last year during my year three term break in hometown. The lead female character tried her best to get strong as she wanted to achieve total independence and lead an extraordinary lifestyle.

When her boyfriend cheated on her, she burnt the radio she gave him during his birthday and then severed the ties without dropping a tear.When she had conflicts with her dearest dad and sister, she moved away from home and spent most of the time alone. When she was fired from job and dropped out from school, she took a long ride on train and even fighted with a stranger at the train station. She never cried and she had been telling herself that, 'I want to be strong, I have to be strong because I want to do something big.'

In the drama, it was a habit for the girl to sneak into the private swimming pool in the middle of the night. She would swim, swim and swim for hours, with her heart kept on convincing her that she was brave and she can be strong and she HAS to be strong.

I don't intend to do soemthing really big, gigantic or enormous. I want to be different somehow. Now, i start to wonder if I really have the guts abd ability to do so? Like what the American said, 'You are timid, coward, bewildered, reserved, passive and we have to babysit you all the time....'

Yes, you are right. I am still very much troubled by the question if i am really meant to be with you guys. I don't know. I am trying, but like you said, it's a struggle. A true and miserable struggle sometimes...

I gotta make a decision fast, I know that. I really dont know what to do at the moment. Try for another week? Try for another month? wait until you get REALLY tired of me and kick me out with your foot? Or make a brilliant change immediately and then bear all the consequences myself?

I don't know.I want to go somewhere to relax my mind. I have to clear my mind and think again. I have to btu I don't know where and who to talk to. It's nobody business coz nobody in this world can give me the exact answer.

It's been a month. I have the picture of departing in my mind. On 2nd October, 2006 (Sunday), 1.30am, Yong, my parents and I were in KLIA. I was about to enter the gate and took the train to the departure hall alone. My mum held my hand so tight and she refused to let me go. Her hand was shaking and it was a painful experience for both of us. I held her in warm embrace and headed off to the gate without looking back. She's the utmost important love for me in this world. Whenever I recall back the situation, I could feel the pain and I started to wonder if what would be the best decision for me right now to commensurate the turmoil and agony I have brought to different parties at different time.

I just want to be happy and don't want to be the burden to anyone else in this world. I don't know.

Now, everyday, I look at myself in the morror and tell myself that I have to be strong, I MUST be strong.

However, it's that MERELY my problem? Am I the only one who's creating the predicament? I don't know.

I WILL be strong.

Nui, take care

Let's forget about those awful and sad moments for a while. Lungisha, the south African au pair drove me to Hollywood last Sunday to meet two other Thai au pairs. They are Too and Nui. In fact, it's a farewell gathering for Nui, the new Thai au pair who has just arrived in Southern part of California one month ago. She doesn't ge along well with her host mum here so she asked for a rematch. Now, she's in Maryland. I wish her all the best.

Anyway, we had a great time as we spent most of the time enjoying Thai cusines, which are similar to Malaysia's taste. Too bad, we went there from a different direction of the freeway so couldn't snap the picture of the HUGE Hollywodd sign. That's a shame...Well, I will take the photo for you guys next time. Of course, I will go there again, maybe next week! :P Cheers.

We had our lunch in the Thai restaurant that were crowded with Asians. Richard, Too's 'boyfriend' took the picture for us. :) Yeah! Four drop-death gorgeous au pairs! :p


Too, Lungisha, Nui and I took the picture at the Thai town in Hollywood. We were in front of the temple and had bags of desserts in our hands. :p that's a good shot.I like it.


Nui, The sweet Thai girl. I wish that her host family in Maryland could be better.I pray for her.


Nui and I. The first and also the last photo I took with Nui.


A good shot. Lungisha, Nui and I at the parking Lot of Ross in Hollywood and West. :)

sadness

This is a very sad day. The saddest I have since I been here in US. I cried, cried and cried.

I guess I am not compatible to the job. I can never take care of kids well, espcially American kids. I guess I have made a huge mistake for coming here. I think so... Is there a turning back? I don't know. Should I rematch?? I don't know, nothing I have done seem to be right. I hate that kind of feeling. I hate that...

There is no one I can rely on right now, only myself. I have been trying my best, doing A LOT of things which were impossible to me. But then again, maybe it's time to rethink my deicision. Ya, I know the previous au pair is good and she can do almost anything. Too bad, I am not her and I can NEVER be her. You guys shouldn't ignore my effort.

You can never be in my shoes even though you said you understand... The rejection, the frustration, the depression...

Gosh..Maybe it's time for a change.

Ducks' Pond

I am living in a sub-urban area in California . As a result, there are a lot of parks, ponds, forests and some other greatest creation of mother nature here. I love the ducks' pond and I enjoy taking Jake, the huge retriever with me whenver I go there. It's actually a hiking area. I would love to share with you all the beautiful pictures of the ducks and waterfall. Well, according to my host mum, Pam, the ducks will be here every autumn, before the weather turning cold. :) The good thing about people in US, especially here is southern park of CA, is that they really treasure the environment. Nothing is polluted and it is nearly impossible for you to find any pieces of rubbish in any park, ponds or hiking area. All of the areas are well-prepserved. I love that! It's totally different from what we have in Malaysia.

I love those ducks. So I would love to share with you all the pictures. Enjoy.

New York City

:) Like what I have promised, here's some of the photes I took in New York City last week!! Enjoy!!!




WOW! Have a look of the four pictures above, then you will know the REAL meaning of CITY! Yeah! New York City. I bet all of you should pay a visit there, well, at least once in a life time!! :P



The 3 pictures above have shown the greatest theater in New York City. :) Aren't they amazing? I guess one Chinese Opera or drame was being played there. :)


I learnt about media conglomentation in Politic class last year and I heard about the very few media owner in US. I remember that MR Chong told us about the ESPN channel which has developed tremendously, to a stage where they have their own restaurants, pubs, channels, magazines retail shops and so on. I witnessed it myself. The 2 photoes above actually has shown a group of ESPN guys shooting some programme in the Time Square of New York City. I passed by the restaurants and pubs, too. :P But, I wasn;t able to snap those pictures. hehe. Enjoy these. :P

The Guy above was our tour guide when we, a a group of au pairs had our New York City trip on 4th October 2006. He's kinda cool, isn't he? :p

Close your eyes and imagine. The buildings used to be the symbol of New York City... But on that particular day in year 2001., everything dissapeared.. It's a sad story of US. The area has turned into a construction side right now...

Here's 4 cool firefighters we met in front of the previous twin towers areas. Many girls took photoes with them. I guess we had lighted up their night.:P

The picture above is actually a memoir of those fire fighters who sacrificed their lives to rescue the victims in 911 event...

The girl in the picture above is the greatest friend whom I have known during my Orientation in Connecticut. I was all alone as not many of the au pairs there willing to make friend with Asian girl. :P I guess I am lucky to know her, Christina, who's from Germany. :) Love ya!

Hey, Here's another Germany girl. Isn't she sweet? wow..I guess I shouldn't took picture with her. Sitting beside her, I am like an ugly duckilng. I hate that. :) Anyway, I love the way she talks and smiles. :) REALLY.

From Malaysia to New York

Wow, Yong! There you go. Here's a picture I took in flight. I was flying with Korean Air, flew across the different time zone and crashed into the entire new land. I expereince the instant transform from night to day. The picture below I took it when I flew through the pacific ocean...and passed by the continent of Chicago. I love the picture. I flew ubove the cloud...That are soft, white and look sweet. :)


This is a photo which was taken from my room in the hotel in Connecticut. It's a city which is about one hour away from New York City. :) It's a love morning and that was my first day in US. Cool, isn't it? Hwne you see the glimmer of sunlight shining through the clouds, it means that there are hope.. :P


The picture below is the picture which I took in the evening, somewhere aourn the hotel. I was going out to search for an adapter with one Germany girl. The houses and building in US is totally different from what we have in Malaysia. :) I love the structure here, :P


Arggg... There are so many pictures I want share with you guys... I have too many of them but this Mac is stupid!! I don't know whathappen to it but I couldn't upload any pictures anymore. Gosh! So sorry. You all will only be able to view the three as above. I will try to upload more next time.. I have sooo many of them, espcially those I took in New York City. Yeah!

Next time. all the best ya! muak.

Autumn...

I have been longing to experience autumn in a beautiful foreign country. Now, this dream come true.. yes.. California is such an amazing place.. espcially the place I am currently staying in. It's a sub-urban area. The landscapes would simply capture your heart.. They are like the scenes in the movies. The road, the side way, the trees, the forest, the park, the ponds. There are bunches of wild rabbits hopping here and there around the park early in the morning. There are falling leaves in this romantic season. I witnessed the read leaves top of the tree. I am not sure if they are maple leaves, but they really resemble it. :)

These three pictures were taken when I walked Jake, the sweet dog to the park and pond this evening. I got nothing better to do so I walked around the area and I couldn't stop myself from taking those pictures. Of course, I have a lot of them but I chose the best three. Come on, it really takes time to resize them, plus I am using a MAC. Yes, Mac computer that we used in advertising class. It's not that user friendly. But I have to use it right now. :)

Autumn is always my favourite season. It's a season for you to miss those you love them dearly. Unfortunately, I am here in California. I missed the Mooncake Festival with my beloved ones. I saw the leaves falling and I suddenly thought of Kenjo. Before departing to US, she sent me a card and she told me that she would be glad if I could send her some leaves right here. I guess she's hoping to receive a red maple leaf. :) Iwill try to get one for you. But when it reach there, I am sure that they will turn into a dry brown leaf. The colour wouldn't be that great anymore. :) Well, you can see the pics here first. I am still trying to adjust my life to the typical US lifestyle. By the way, before getting my driving license here, I can do nothing. Ya, like a prisoner. Gosh...

I am wondering if you guys are fine there? Mama, Papa, Yong, Tash, Chloe, Lampfly, Protocol, Nelly, Kenjo, ChauYen.. Yes everyone that I know of. I miss everything in Malaysia,. In this season of fall, I miss you all. But like what I have said, I want to be strong, I want to be really really strong. I want to overcome all thsoe hardship and return to my homeland as a brand new whole person. I will be fine. It's just that, when I was walking the dog along the street, I stepped on those falling leaves... I was thinking, is Malaysia still pretty much the same? Is Mama doing fine? Is Yong getting better in Singapore? I juse want everything to be fine.. I just wish that the leaves would tell the wind to send them my care and love, when it blows and makes the leaves whirl...