Massachusett

Protocol is my dearest pal. We have known each other for 5 years and we grow together in the journey of life. Basically, for friends who are able to get along well for such a long time, they must be sharing some similar traits. Me and Protocol, we are both NUTS.

We did some minor crazy stuff when we were in the college. But, after leaving for US, we became totally INSANE. No kidding! Some weeks ago, out of the blue, we decided to visit Boston. Though, we didn't really check on anything as it was ours last-minute-decision. We simply booked a hotel online and then checked through the bus schedule in New York City. After that, we spent like two hours to get ready and packing. Next, we met in New York city and took the bus to Boston.

We set off at 9 something at night. After spending like 5 to 6 hours in the bus, finally we reached Boston. Aha, that's the begining of ours disaster. First of all, we forgot to take down the hotel's name and address and ended up calling some friends to help us to check the details. Then, we took a damn expensive taxi to reach the hotel. And, at the moment, only we realised that....WE WANTED TO VISIT BOSTON, BUT ENDED UP STAYING IN ANOTHER HOTEL IN ANOTHER CITY IN MASSACHUSETT! As a result, we paid about 70 DOLLARS to that stupid taxi driver!

Then, at the following days, we paid a huge sum of money to the taxi drivers to drive us to the nearest train station, so that we can visit the places in Boston, which was really fara way from the hotel. It wasn't a good trip as we didn't plan AT ALL. Due to our ignorance and time constraint, we were like loaded, spending money as if we earn thousands of dollars perweek, and only managed to visit a few places.

*sigh. That's the result of not planning. Anyway, we learnt a relevant lesson. It's really bad to do things at the very last minute. Anyhow, we made new friends and got the chance to visit Salem, another city in MA. That's the bonus that we gained from the trip after spending so MUCH US dollars! haha. worth it? Guess so! :P

hmm..Now just wanna show you guys some pictures. We visited the Witch museum in Salem. It's a very unique town with old buildings. It used to be a town of witch! I saw it from Discovery channel in Malaysia before! I never thought that I would have chance to visit it in person one day! YEAH! :P

Below are some pictures of some places that Protocol and I had left ours foot prints. We went to the Chinatown in Boston, found one Penang Restaurant that was flooded by Americans and a some other tourists' attractions. Look at the last picture carefully, Protocl finished the WHOLE bottle of Vodka in the Hotel! OMG! Drinking QUEEN! :P --

Then, we went to the New England Aquarium..









Finally, we went to Salem, the witch town. But, we couldn't take any pictures in the museum. So, just show you guys the lanscapes around the area. :) We got to know the history and prosecution of witches during the 16th century in the small desserted town. :p AWESOME.






On the way back home...The souveniers that we bought!Fudge and rings of penguin!

The UTMOST COSTLY trip EVER ON EARTH! But, everything was good cause you were there for me. :)

Holiday!

Hmmm.. Lindsey and William are having their two weeks Spring Break. This morning, they flew to Florida with their father. They will be staying in granparents' and uncle John's house for about two weeks! Yeah! So, Au pair is OFF! Hurray! Nice. :P

Actually, my host mom invited me to join them. Though, after thinking for a long time, I think it would be better for me to have my OWN trip with my friend, like Protocol! Hehe. Life will never be fun without Protocol, plus life will definitely be miserable when kids are around. hahah. Yeah! I am not a kids person. :P Yeah! Time for a long break. How nice! I am going to visit Washington DC with Protocol and two other gorgeous Thai girls at this coming weekend. I guess I will go to New Jersey on this Wednesday night, after lazing around in this huge beautiful house for a few days.. :P YO! Life wouldn't be better! :P

Ohya, I have been here for about 6 motnhs, haven't really shown you guys the picture of the princess and prince I am taking care of. hmmm.. Here we GO!

Deng!
Prince William and Princess Lindsey Shaw!

By the way, my dearest pal, Protocol is taking care of one boy and one girl, too. They are not twins, but they are the utmost priceless prince and princess too. There we GO!

Prince Woods and Princess Harriet Wiser!... with their stupid au pair and her idiot au pair friend!


Well, going for vacation soon. Now, doing nothing beside relaxing in a wonderful luxurious house with two psycho dogs. hmmm.. What more to ask for in life? :p

YOYOYO!

Szechia=chiapet?

According to the information in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chia_Pet, "Chia Pets are a brand of collectible animal figurines manufactured and originated by the San Francisco, California based company in the 1980s. The catch-phrase related to the Chia Pet, sung in the commercial as the plant grows, is "Ch-ch-ch-chia!"

Chia Pets are grown by applying moistened seeds of chia (Salvia hispanica), the aromatic annual from whose common name the Chia Pet gets its name, to the clay, grooved figurine body. After three to five days consisting of filling and refilling the Chia Pet with water as well as discarding water that has accumulated in the provided drip tray, the seeds sprout, having formed a gelatinous coat that adheres to the Chia Pet's body. At this point, little effort is required to maintain the Chia Pet, whose plant counterpart grows into a verdurous covering."

Yes, Chia Pet. It's actually a toy for kids, growing special kind of plants in an animal shape kind of 'pot'. We have something similar in Malaysia. But, we don't call it Chiapet. Well, something else. My cousins used to have that. Anyway, Chia Pet, that's the way for most Americans to pronounce and remember it. 'Sze Chia' is a very Chinese name and it's really ahrd for Americans who know nothing about chinese language to remember it. As such, I will just tell them that my name is 'Chia'. Trust me, 9 out of 10 would ask me, "Chia? Chia Pet?"

Haha. That's sorta funny. One of my American friends once said, " Chia, seriously, I have to ask you this question, do you guys have Chia Pet in Malaysia? Is that why your parents name you this way?"

:P yeah. He was so cute and I didn't know how to response besides laughing. erm.. do I really look like Chia Pet? 0_o?

ChiaPet

SzeChia

ChiaPet

SzeChia

Uh huh. I look nothing like ChiaPet, not that silly. Though, in terms of personality,maybe we have something similar. We can only grow a particular plant in the 'pot', not just any kind. Besides, you only have to take care of it at the begining, 'ChiaPet' is able to survive and grow on its own will, as long as you are willing to spend a minute a day in watering...

Soul Searching

First time, I braced up myself to travel alone to another neighbour state in New York. Protocol had her vacation in Carribean, I was all alone. One of my friends invited me over for the weekend (24th-25th March, 2007) in Connecticut. Without considering too much, I packed my backpack and hit on the road.

I wasn't sure of the exact way to get there. I checked online, figured out a vague way to get there. I had prepared to get lost or pay much more money for that trip. Well, I wanted to take risk, experiencing a different type of traveling. I had to change the trains, called taxi and then swicthed the ferry. I had no clue at first. Well, I used to believe that 'road grows from your mouth'. As long as you dare to take risk and ask the people around, you will be fine. Uh huh! That's Chia's first lonely trip. Sometimes, I wish I am not a risk taker. It hurts you when you are not aware, seriously.

After reaching the final train station in Greenport, I couldn't get a shutter bus. I asked aorund but majority of the citizens there claimed that the buses only come once in a hour or so, which is totally different from what I read online. I didn't give up, I walked around, asked those boatmen at the port. They gave directions, I walked for miles again, but still, ain't nothing.

I had to take the shuttle bus to Orient Point and then take another ferry to New England Port in Connecticut. I wasn't afraid even though I had no clue of what to do next, just very tired of the exhauting journey. Then, out of the blue, a sentence crossed my mind, 'Live at the present, don't worry too much and enjoy every moments you have...' That's Protocol's favourite quote. Hmmm.. She makes sense sometimes. So, what I did was, I strolled along the port, snapping pictures of the amazing landscapes and scenery. I walked around the town and captured the beautiful pictures of the street. Wow! Magically, I wasn't tired anymore. I allowed the cold wind caressed my face, inhaling fresh air while admiring the wonder of mother nature. After an hour, my mind's cleared. I got a number from a local minimarket and then called myself a taxi. The driver arrived after half an hour and drove me to Orient Point.

Finally, I got my ferry at 2pm and heading off to New England, reached there around 4pm.

I didn't really have chance to visit alot of places, though, the journey inspired me in someways. Live up life to the fullest. When you get lost, don't worry too much, spend sometimes to smell the flowers, you will discover a brand new experience. Too many times in life, we worry too much and then ended up gaining nothing cause we didn't have guts to start on anything.

Once you have made up your mind to take risk or involve in some kind of adventure, be mature enough to bear the consequences. Nobody's can be there to help you up once you have made up your mind as you are an adult now. Be responsible, no rooms for regrets. It's useless to cry over spilt milk. It's in vain to blame anyone else for your own terrible mistakes. You asked for it and you deserved that. Curiosity kills a cat. People who had adventure in some desserted forests always got lost and never got home.

Tell youself, NO big deal. really, no big deal. You will be all right. See, the sky is so sparse and free, the sea is so deep and blue. Birds chirping on the trees and fishes swimming near the surface of water, welcoming the present of the Spring.

There are hopes. Gotta hang on and get over it. Sometimes in life, you just have to pay a lot to learn a lesson.

Touche?! hmmm...

Midnight's thoughts

It's 12.27am right now. Yes, it's late and I am still up. I have just checked on the kids.

Poor William is sleeping right now, I woke him up and fed him some 'Motrin'. He had his fever since last Sunday. He blew his nose too hard for days as it is stuffy. His noise bleeds. I stopped him from doing that but he said he has to do it as he couldn't breathe.

"what do you want me to do with my nose, Chia?" He talked like an adult.

I put a small towel on his forehead for days, hoping that it helped. It did, but just for a while, so does the medication he's taking. Poor kid. He has been asking for mummy and daddy.

"Chia, I want daddy, I want mommy...I want daddy to be here with me..."

"I know, I know. We will see what we can do tonight, ok? Maybe daddy will be here to tuck you in, ok?"

"Nope, lies. I know he won't be here..."

I ain't the parents, there's nothing I can do besides taking care of his basic needs. I make sure he takes his medicine on time, even if I have to stay up late for his last dose of the day. He has been sick for almost a week, went to doctor and had all kinds of medication. Still, his stubborn fever just refuse to let him off. I guess there's an infection. His nose bleeds.

He shouted loudly when I was downstaira moment ago,

"Chia! Chia! I am so scared. I bleed so much, I don't know what to do..."

He whispered to me, showing me his bloody tissues. Putting my hand on his face, I felt painful.

"You will be fine. I promise. Just stop blowing so hard again, ok? Don't be scared, nothing to afraid of, I will keep you company for a while..."

Her mom knows about it but mayeb she's too busy to worry about that. She has to work to support the family, that's what she said. The daddy called sometimes to check on his condition. Though, claiming to be busy, too.

This situation reminds me of my mom. I was a weak child, who would fall sick easily. My mom would keep vigil over me, for days wihthout resting. She would rest once she was sure that I am all right. So, normally when I am fully recovered, she was the who went bedridden.

How come? There's such a huge difference? No clue.

There's nothing wrong with getting divorce. But, don't use it as an excuse, please. It's absolutely nice to have dates, but still, you guys have children. Distance is not an excuse, busy is not an excuse, conflict is never an excuse...Nothing can be an excuse. Love has no excuse.

X-box, Wii, PS2, flat screen TVs, Dvd players, PsP, cell phones, MAC PCs, branded clothings, I-Pods, bowling ball sets, two huge closets of untouched new toys, huge nice house, personal swimming pools...They have all of the luxury which any other average 6 years old wouldn't be possible to get. Everything in this world besides care and love, that come from the heart. Never pretend you love them, you can't even convince me, will you be able to lie to yourself?

Something Random

Taken From 女子文坊, http://books.sina.com.tw/blogbook/women/2007-03-07/23284390.shtml

她和他相戀十年。

　　十年前，她還是個懵懂、不諳世事的女孩。他遇著了她，對她一見傾心，並許諾說，這輩子都視她若掌中寶，疼惜她一生。

　　她大為感動，視他平時對她千百般的好，沒有多想便答應和他在一起。朋友都不解她的舉動，如此一個花容月貌之人，何愁嫁不到好朗君？非得交這樣一個相貌平平，不窮不富的男朋友。放眼看過去，那確是個不太能帶到人前的男人，胖胖的身材，個子很高，站在那裡，似一根粗壯的木頭，二十出頭的年紀，看上去似年逾三十。她是個從小缺乏愛的人，每當見他為了她忙前忙後，疼呵百倍的模樣，那些朋友們的流言蜚語便風一樣散逝開去，她從不放在心上。

　　日子水一樣流逝，她逐漸由一個無知幼稚的女孩成長成一個聰慧、美麗、知性的女子。他倒是沒什麼大變化，褪卻當初戀愛時的激情，更多的是平淡的生活。他們也偶爾吵架，他怨她亂花錢，一個月花兩個月的工資，怨她對他父母不夠好，怨她在朋友面前待他冷淡。是無意中說出口的話，她卻字字記在心裡，他是希望她能按著他想像中的樣子去發展，去改變。那時她才驚駭地發現他也有著太多缺點：性格偏激，情緒反覆，意氣用事。她無法明白當初那個人哪一點吸引了自己，難道僅僅是那些空洞的甜言蜜語？她又愛他什麼？他從無特別愛好，除了上網打遊戲，而她喜歡文學。他是個粗心大意的人，而她心細如塵。她喜歡看書，他卻從不閱讀。這樣想想，不免喪氣。兩個毫無共同點的人竟然一起走過了十年！吵架之後，他向她道歉，說盡萬般甜言蜜語。她的心裡真是又疼又氣。

　　她是在毫不知情的情況下，聽到他說結婚請柬已經送出去的消息的。當時她只聽得目瞪口呆，靜靜地看著眼前人，覺得是那般陌生。結婚是兩個人的事，他何以一個人作了主。

　　婆婆說，早些將結婚證拿了吧，這樣一直拖著，鄰居們都說閒話。

　　她的心一直冷到底，怨聲對他道：你還沒有向我求婚呢！

　　求婚？難道這麼多年你還不瞭解我對你的心意嗎？親愛的，婚宴那晚酒店安排了求婚這一幕，到那時我會跪地向你求婚的。他如是說。

　　她無話可說，悄悄進了房間。試問，婚宴已經開始了，再來個跪地求婚，新娘即便不同意，又能若何？

　　三日後，她向他提出分手，他駭然若撞了鬼。她提起行李決然轉身離去。

　　他問所為何因？

　　她答曰：結婚是兩個人的事，你擅自發下結婚請柬便罷，連一句：你願意嫁給我嗎？都吝於說出，怎見你是尊重我、疼惜我、真心娶我，日後生活又談何齊眉共處？

　　我們相愛十年，結婚是理所當然再自然不過的事，難道你還有什麼懷疑嗎？他問。

　　你連女人的心都不懂，談何娶妻過日子。她黯然離開。

　　你願意嫁給我嗎？他在身後喊。

　　太晚了。一個需要女人來教他婚戀課的男人也太無能了。她絕望道。

　　一場十年的戀情至此瓦解。

　　後記：

　　一場馬拉松式的戀愛，再浪漫多情的男女到了最後都不免疲乏，不知道還有多少喜歡擅自作主的男人至今還信奉著“戀久必婚”的真理，認為她嫁他是件遲早的事，因此省略了很多婚前儀式。他不知道求婚恰恰是女人最重視的所在。只是一句簡單不過的話：你願意嫁給我嗎？任何一個女人聽了她深愛的人說出這句話，都足以感動半生。她可以容忍他的脾氣、他的魯莽，卻無法容忍他“忽略”她的存在。戀愛中的甜言蜜語可以促進戀情升溫，然而僅有甜言蜜語是不夠的，世間有哪個女子願意草率地將自己嫁出去？一個“婚戀必修課”尚未畢業的男人，試問哪個女子願意嫁？

Au Pair's Nightmare

The greatest drawback of this cultural exchange program is 'Gaining Weight'. According to the director of the au pair agency, in general, 90% of the au pairs have gained at least 10 pounds within the one year program. This phenomenon is basically due to the stress of staying in foreign land with American strangers, homesickness, too-carefree-lifestyle and the changes of diet. When they got back to their homeland, they will try whatever way to lose weight, most of the time, is in vain...

Gaining Weight, it's has been my nightmare since I was in elementary school. I was a really plump girl, er..not really that plump, but 'heavy' enough to be a character, which was constantly mocked by relatives and friends, espcially my relatives. In fact, they love me alot, but they just couldn't control themselves when they saw me being a 'fat girl'. No kidding, they threw a lot of CRUEL words on me. On the surface, I laughed and smiled. Though, deep inside my heart, I was deeply hurt, seriously. After reaching adolences, I was always aware of my own weight. You know...teenage girl, with a vulnerable and sensitive heart, it was a really HUGE issue. I wasn't that fat actually, I was like 53 or 54 KGs at the height of 162cm. Though, outlook was everything for me. As such, I determined to went on a strict diet.

I went through two major and extreme losing weight period. One was when I was 15, the other one was when I was in the first year of college. I ate one apple a day. That's it, for the entire week. I drank a lot of water to chase away the torture of hunger. I was (actually still, I am) persistent and obstinent, always. When I have made up my mind to do something, nothing and nobody can stop me from doing that. So, for the two dieting experiences, I succeed. I lost 5KGs within one week for both. Yeah, it's hard. But I made it. For the sake of beauty, girls will do ANYTHING.

My dearest mother is a perfectionist. She loves me with her entire heart so she couldn't endure others' talking about my figure. She was actually upset about it when I was younger and constantly reminded me to stop eating. Frankly speaking, I was hurt as I couldn't accept the fact that my own mother discriminated the fatness of her daughter. As such, I was kinda rebellion that time. Whenever she asked me to stop eating, I would throw my temper and tried to eat more. The result, I was fat like a PIG.

Anyway, like what I have mentioned at the third paragraph, I lost a lot of KGs, well, at least 5 kgs for each dieting session. Afterwards, I try my best to maintain my weight at a certain range, 48 to 50kg, nothing more than that, by skipping my dinner every single night. Ask my friends and previous roomates. They know my hunger strike history in details. :p

Ohya, back to the topic. Gaining weight. When I was in California, I was really skinny. Neither do I slept well nor eat well. I guess this was because of the treatment I got from my previous host family. Though, after moving to New York with Geri, my host mom right now. I have gained a lot of weight! I have more flexible working hours under a comfy roof. She cares about me and I am happy to be here. Plus, I am alwasy bored as my working hours is shorter. SO, what to do? EAT! In fact, the CORE factor is because I am staying very near to New Jersey right now. I see Protocol every weekend, when I see her, I am always happy, so what to do? EAT!

I dare not stand on the weight measuring machine. I am worry that I will be haunted by the EXTRA KGs or LBS. Anyhow, I can see the fatness from the mirror and through the clothing I wear. There's warning signals everywhere. But still, like what Protocol did, I still insisted that American dryers had to bear the full responsibility towards the 'shrinking'of ours clothe's sizes...

Until that painful day. My mom woke me up from my world of 'thin fantasy'...

After seeing the pictures posted in my online albums, regarding my trips, my life and the parties I have attended here, she made her remarks. Read our conversation as below:

MOM: "I have just seen your photoes. Oh My God, what happened to you? you look so fat since the day you moved to New York. What have you been eating? "

ME: *Embaressed* "Just those regular stuff, you know, nothing special."

MOM: "You eat cheese everyday? Butter? Chips? Milk? Pasta? You cannot eat them all the time, watch your weight.."

ME: "I know, Mom. I do gained 'some' weight. You know, just some...I don't really eat a lot of thing and I hate cheesy stuff. I will be fine, Mommy."

MOM: "Must be A LOT. I can see that your pants were tight when you wore them. You must be eating a lot. Stop eating that much. WHY YOU FAT UNTIL LIKE THAT?"

ME: *Hurt. 0_o... speechless..

Yes. that's my mom, who emphasizes heavily on her daughter's weight. hmmm..hahah. it's ok, she cares. :p but AM I REALLY THAT FAT? My dear friends, be my witness, am I really that fat? Why my mommy said something so mean?

:-( You guys gotta be my witness. For this, I have my photo taken this afternoon, listen, this afternoon, my latest, still warm and fresh. No photoshop, no illustrator, nothing. OPEN your eyes and see, am I really FAT until like that?

GOSH.. Hmmm.. I can't see it myself. Bloody photo. I AM REALLY FREAKING FAT. Bad picture, bad camera!

Nevermind. I don't want to hear yours answers. I am dieting right now. We will see. I am very firm on my decision this time. you guys will SEE.

:-$

Marriage

Wille Johnson and Lungisa Khanyeza.

Finally, my best friend is married, to her husband, whom she had been dating for about 9 years. Long time. Maybe they are really meant for each other. I wish them all the best. Lungisa, have a happy marriage, you always have my best wishes. I don't know when am I going to see you again. Maybe not in your ceremony in South Carolina, I have to save some money and will make time for you. Love you. Take the best care of yourself and your baby. How about triplets? hehe. Let's name them Jessie, Kanyo and Chia. :p Miss you.

Yes, my best friend's wedding. I will miss it as it will be launched in a far-away-land. I miss her though, I will pray for her, all the while.

This is the first time in life, I have one friend who's married. I guess that's because I am no longer a sweet and ignorant young girl anymore. When I was a little kid, I believed in those stupid ever after fairy tales. But, as the times go, I know that this kind of thingy is not for me. Frankly speaking, I don't think that I will ever got married in my entire life. It sounds SCARY, for me (ONLY for me). REALLY.

Chia's formula--> Marriage= Take things for granted+ Fights+ Arguments+ Boredom+ Sadness+ Family Pressure+ Sacrificer+ Divorce+ Children+ Shape-shifting+ Single mom+ financial issues+ Custody issue+ Kids' mental's issues+ Social Issue+ Emotional Breakdown+ Lost of Personal Freedom+ The End of Happiness.

I know, I know. None of you are going to agree with my pessimism. I am cynical. Though, that's the fact that I have been exposed to. For typical traditional Chinese people, Marriage is somewhat a HUGE ceremony. We have too many culture and traditon to follow. It's a disaster. We spent enormous amount of money to show off as it's a reunion or unity of two families. After marriage, things begin to change as a typical chineseman will treat his wife as a property. You belong to him so he doesnt have to do anything for you anymore. Next, the argument would tag you around after the honeymoon year, each and every little minute thing in life can arise conflicts. I have seen TOO many ill-assorted couples who blame each other for everything, which is definitely NOT NICE.

You might say that I am making generalization. But I have too many examples to show. It happens in my own family, my relatives' family, my friends' and their families, and my friends' friends' families. Women always land up to be the victim of suppression, exploitation and sacrifice. They will be blamed for everything and they are the people who have to endure with everything.

Not fair, life isn't fair anyway.

*sigh. Marriage should be taken seriously. We cannot just get marry, born babies and then get divorce anytime we want to. The kids who I am taking care of right now, is a classic example...They are the victims of a broken marriage. Poor things.

Marriage and divorce are two very serious issue. I have one friend, who just got married, but not because of love, just out of fun. Weird? sorta. Now, he is counting of the days to get divorce since his wife is a lesbian. hmmm.. Don't ask me, I know nothing about it.

Maybe I am too selfish to love anyone else. Like what Protocol said, the one you love the most is yourself. Yes. Maybe you are right in someway. I have problems, I know. That's why, I gotta take up a course or something to straigthen my thinking. I am going to do some study in psychology, majoring in family and marriage theraphy at the end of this year. Hopefully it helps. Cross my fingers... :^$

What a MESSY world for Marriage!

GOSH.

Anyhow, I am happy for Lungisa, really. She has found her love in life, that's not easy. He's a nice guy. I trust that this relationship will last for a long time, if she and her husband fights for it.

ALL the BEST.

Happy Marriage.

LOVE YOU.

愛情生活的另八個角度

Taken from: 八月夢飛的BLOG / 2007-02-22
(http://books.sina.com.tw/blogbook/women/2007-02-22/03504209.shtml)

　　◆角度一
　　如果你家附近有一家餐廳，東西又貴又難吃，桌上還爬著蟑螂，你會因為它很近，很方便，就一而再、再而三地光臨嗎？
　　回答：你一定會說，這是什麼爛問題，誰那麼笨，花錢買罪受？
　　可同樣的情況換個場合，自己或許就做類似的蠢事。
　　不少男女都曾經抱怨過他們的情人或配偶品性不端，三心二意，不負責任。明知在一起沒什麼好的結果，怨恨已經比愛還多，但卻不知道為什麼還是要和他攪和下去，分不了手。說穿了，只是為了不甘，為了習慣，這不也和光臨餐廳一樣？
　　——做人，為什麼要過於執著？！

　　◆角度二
　　如果你不小心丟掉100塊錢，只知道它好像丟在某個你走過的地方，你會花200塊錢的車費去把那100塊找回來嗎？
　　回答：一個超級愚蠢的問題。
　　可是，相似的事情卻在人生中不斷發生。做錯了一件事，明知自己有問題，卻死也不肯認錯，反而花加倍的時間來找藉口，讓別人對自己的印象大打折扣。被人罵了一句話，卻花了無數時間難過，道理相同。為一件事情發火，不惜損人不利已，不惜血本，不惜時間，只為報復，不也一樣無聊？
　　失去一個人的感情，明知一切已無法挽回，卻還是那麼傷心，而且一傷心就是好幾年，還要借酒消愁，形銷骨立。其實這樣一點用也沒有，只是損失更多。
　　——做人，干嗎為難自己？！

　　◆角度三
　　你會因為打開報紙發現每天都有車禍，就不敢出門嗎？
　　回答：這是個什麼爛問題？當然不會，那叫因噎廢食。
　　然而，有不少人卻曾說：現在的離婚率那麼高，讓我都不敢談戀愛了。說得還挺理所當然。也有不少女人看到有關的諸多報道，就對自己的另一半憂心忡忡，這不也是類似的反應？所謂樂觀，就是得相信：雖然道路多艱險，我還是那個會平安過馬路的人，只要我小心一點，不必害怕過馬路。
　　——做人，先要相信自己。

　　◆角度四
　　你相信每個人隨便都可以成功立業嗎？
　　回答：當然不會相信。
　　但據觀察，有人總是在聽完成功人士絞盡腦汁的建議，比如說，多讀書，多練習之後，問了另一個問題？那不是很難？我們都想在三分鐘內學好英文，在五分鐘內解決所有難題，難道成功是那麼容易的嗎？改變當然是難的。成功只因不怕困難，所以才能出類拔萃。
　　有一次坐在出租車上，聽見司機看到自己前後都是高檔車，兀自感歎：“唉，為什麼別人那麼有錢，我的錢這麼難賺？” 我心血來潮，問他：“你認為世上有什麼錢是好賺的？”他答不出來，過了半晌才說：好像都是別人的錢比較好賺。
　　其實任何一個成功者都是艱辛取得。我們實在不該抱怨命運。
　　——做人，依靠自己！

　　◆角度五
　　你認為完全沒有打過籃球的人，可以當很好的籃球教練嗎？
　　回答：當然不可能，外行不可能領導內行。
　　可是，有許多人，對某個行業完全不了解，只聽到那個行業好，就馬上開起業來了。
　　我看過對穿著沒有任何口味、或根本不在乎穿著的人，夢想卻是開間服裝店；不知道電腦怎麼開機的人，卻想在網上賺錢，結果道聽途說，卻不反省自己是否專業能力不足，只抱怨時不我與。
　　——做人，量力而行。

　　◆角度六
　　相似但不相同的問題：你是否認為，籃球教練不上籃球場，閉著眼睛也可以主導一場完美的勝利？
　　回答：有病啊，當然是不可能的。
　　可是卻有不少朋友，自己沒有時間打理，卻拼命投資去開咖啡館，開餐廳，開自己根本不懂的公司，火燒屁股一樣急著把辛苦積攢的積蓄花掉，去當一個稀裡糊塗的投資人。虧的總是比賺的多，卻覺得自己是因為運氣不好，而不是想法出了問題。
　　——做人，記得反省自己。

　　◆角度七
　　你寧可永遠後悔，也不願意試一試自己能否轉敗為勝？
　　解答：恐怕沒有人會說：“對，我就是這樣的孬種”吧。
　　然而，我們卻常常在不該打退堂鼓時拼命打退堂鼓，為了恐懼失敗而不敢嘗試成功。
　　以關穎珊贏得2000年世界花樣滑冰冠軍時的精彩表現為例：她一心想贏得第一名，然而在最後一場比賽前，她的總積分只排名第三位，在最後的自選曲項目上，她選擇了突破，而不是少出錯。在四分鐘的長曲中，結合了最高難度的三周跳，並且還大膽地連跳了兩次。她也可能會敗得很難看，但是她畢竟成功了。
　　她說：“因為我不想等到失敗，才後悔自己還有潛力沒發揮。” 一個中國偉人曾說，勝利的希望和有利情況的恢復，往往產生於再堅持一下的努力之中。
　　——做人，何不放手一搏。

　　◆角度八
　　你的時間無限，長生不老，所以最想做的事，應該無限延期？
　　回答：不，傻瓜才會這樣認為。
　　然而我們卻常說，等我老了，要去環游世界；等我退休，就要去做想做的事情；等孩子長大了，我就可以……
　　我們都以為自己有無限的時間與精力。其實我們可以一步一步實現理想，不必在等待中徒耗生命。如果現在就能一步一步努力接近，我們就不會活了半生，卻出現自己最不想看到的結局。
　　——做人，要活在當下。

Meaningful, isn't it? hmm...

Chia&Protocol

Here's a photo of me and my best friend. The picture was captured months ago, errr.. If I am not mistaken, it was taken on 26th December 2006. Yes, it was the first time I visited New Jersey and New York from the West Coat. A picture tells a thousand words...This picture means a lot to me. It's just precious...

I flew from California on Christmas day last year to New Jersey, just to see my best pal. It was an extremely costly trip as I book the ticket last minute, plus it was the peak season of the year. Anyhow, WHO CARES? I wanted to see my best friend, nothing could stop me from doing that.

It was a wonderful time. Now, I remember the feeling we had when we met each other at Newark Airport. I remember the emotion that poured when we hugged each other in warm embrace. I remember the vacation we had at her host parents'country house in Beaverkill, New York. I remember the excitement we had when taking the picture displayed above, as that was the first time we felt the feel of virgin snow in US. That was our first touch with Winter. Unforgettable...

Ohya, I remeber the 'steamboat'(Hot Pot) that we prepared for those CURIOUS white Americans in Beaverkill. :p hehe. It was all funny. I remember, I remember all these.. :)

Now, I am staying with another family in New York as a result of the painful remacthing process. I got to visit New Jersey as much as I like to, and the special feeling of meeting her vanished. We shall not cry anymore while holding each other hand in hand...

In the contrast, we enjoy the sharing of love, friendship and companionship, in a peaceful, warm and harmony manner.

Rain

The brutal winter is leaving. Now, we have started to embrace the lovely Spring. I used to love winter and was yearning for a chance to lay myself down in the snow while watching the white flakes falling from the sky. I experienced all those in New York for the passing weeks. Oh, man, that's enough, winter is nothing fun, right, Protocol? :p. The temperature is increasing and it has been raining a lot. Thta's the sign of Spring, I guess. :)

This morning, there was a March shower in Melville. It was pouring. When my kids were waiting for the school bus, I asked my host mom for an umbrella as I was thinking of sheltering the children to the bus. My host mum gave me a red umbrella but the kids chose to run to the bus within the twinkling of my eyes rather than letting a pathetic au pair sheltering them with a stupid umbrella. After sending them off to the school bus, I spotted the red umbrella, which was leaning against the door, lifelessly.

Something stroke my mind, out of the blue.

It was a rainy day in Malaysia. I was a fourteen, wilful, ignorant and self-centred teenage girl, who had to walk to school everyday. I hated carrying umbrella that time. For a disturbed crazy teenager, carrying an umbrella around in public wasn't a cool stuff. I would prefer walking in the rain, getting soaked and wet. So, it was raining heavily, I chose to walk in the rain. The same thing happened over and over again as we have too much rain in Malaysia. My parents were upset about it and I was scolded badly by my dad for thousands times. Though, I was nuts. So, that day I did it again. Due to some external reasons, the students were released from school 15 minutes earlier. I walked in the rain and cold wind and expected to be scolded when I reached home.

As I stepped into the house, my dad was furious. Surprisingly, I didn't see my mom. My dad yelled,

'You rather to get wet in the rain than carrying umbrella! Mommy knew you would do this again so she walked all the way to school to fecth you back with umbrella. It's raining so heavily right now and she's walking in the rain. But, you didn't see her on your way cause you were released earlier? Is this what you want?'

I was shocked. An immediate conscience-stricken caused me to become disorientated. I didn't know what to response besides looking at my dad's boiling eyes. At the moment, I saw my mom walking into the living room. She wore a big smile on her face when she saw me.

Patting away the rain drops on her shirt, skirt and umbrella, I realised that she was soaked. She put away the two huge umbrella and said,

'I was waiting for you at the front gate but your teacher told me that you guys were released earlier today. So, I have no choice but to walk all the way back by myself. See, you didn't use your umbrella again. You will fall sick easily, come on, I will dry you up... After that, we eat dinner together, ok?'

She was still smiling and her eyes looked like the yellow cresent in the sky, radiating with gentle warm light.

Lovingly, she dried me up with a towel, as if I was her utmost precious property. Then, she led me to the kitchen, left my angry father behind.

It was an inccident occurred long time ago. The experience I had with my kids this morning reminded me about that. I was stunned after recalling back the whole event and was so filled with emotion until my voice broke. I couldn't speak.

I have been away from home for 5 months. Even when I was overcoming the toughest period and challenges in California, I didn't really miss my mom that much. I didn't even shed down a tear for missing home. I thought that I was independent enough to leave the lovely home and spread my wings alone, anywhere. Nope. I am not. I may have the strength and guts to spread my wings, however, without the support and love from my beloved mother, I won't be able to do that. She's at the top of my heart... every minute, every hour and every day.

My affection and emotion poured. I felt the sudden need to see my mom but I couldn't. I called her, pretending that nothing had happenend. After spending all of the minutes chatting with her, I rang Protocol. I felt miserable and told her my feeling. At last, I broke down and cried. My tears were like river, flowing endlessly.

The conversation between us did help. I felt much better afterward. But still, somewhere in my heart, I was like a litte girl, crying for mommy after getting lost in a shopping mall. That wasn't a good feeling...

I miss you, Mommy. I love you, Mommy.

I have your smile in my mind right now...your beautiful face deceptively diffused dedication and vulnerability, which belied your strength of character and independence. Without you, I won't be here.

Love you. For you, I will be a better individual, day after day.

It's like a Drama

There's one Chinese saying goes,' Life's a movie.' Well, I never believe in that until I flew to US to start my new journey in life.

Living as an au pair, Yes.. It's never easy. It's a typical homemaker's life, and at the meantime, you have to take care of your own depression and emotions while undergoing the process of culture shock and lifestyle adaption. I am doing prefectly ok right now, after months of staying and dealing with typical Americans. In fact, besides having crazy children and having a somewhat more open-minded thinking, they are just like any other citizens in this world. In short, just humans.

My working hours now is long but pretty flexible. If compare to some other au pairs, my workload is still heavy as I am staying with a single host mum, though, I am willing to do anything for her due to her kindness and loving nature. She's always grateful and she appreciates what I have done for her and the kids. That's enough. As long as you are nice to me, I am willing to do anything for you.

It's not really a long time I left the West Coast, however, I feel like it has been ages. I don't know why. I guess it's because I had a really hard time there. Protocol was the only one who's really clear about my situation in CA. She said that my previous host family are inhumane and they are worst than beast. I don't know. They are basically kind people and can be nice sometimes, but maybe not to me. I guess they hate me too much.

According to Protocol, I was abused and treated like a slave. I am not sure if that's true. But, I sort of like being haunted. Almost every single night, those cruel words would linger in my mind.

"We thought that you are gorgeous, lovely, smart and intelligent. But the things that you have done proved that you have no brain in your head..."

"You are acting like a teenager and you are not responsible at all. You have no brain, Chia!"

"We don't care about you and your driving test. My boys' christmas party is more important than anything else..."

"I really don't know what happened to your fucking mind!"

"You have no good values to me..."

"I want you to clean the bathroom today. I want you to do it right now..."

"There's one piece of block under the table in the living room. It has been there for weeks and nobody's there to pick it up. Why don't you go and do that?"

"If you don't have the initiative to start any conversation with me, I won't do that either. If you say hi, I will reply. If not, I won't say anything to you..."

"As a person, not an au pair, you are just freaking nice..."

"You only think about yourself, not ours kids..."

"I don't care if you like it or not, I just want you to come to my boys' room every night and say good night to them..."

"We are the BEST host parents in this world. If you want to rematch, I am sure that you will never be able to find another host family who's as good as we are."

After living with this new family. I started to feel like my previous one is sorta like evil. Don't you think so?

My current host mum told her neighbours, relatives and friends that I am sweet, helpful and kind. She said that I am way too patient and always sweet to her and her children... That's a total opposite kind of comments. I have no problems in communicating with my current host mum, too. That's bizzare, isn't it?

Anyway, I learnt a lot. The abusing part is one, the matching process which I had gone through is even worse. I was like being ripped apart. I was like a piece of worthless junk, being insulted and thrown from one place to another.

Anyhow, I am fine and I am thankful for everything, still. I went through a dramatic transform within the short three months and I started to know more about life. Life's unpredictable. Be thankful and learn to appreciate. We have to live up our life to the fullest, everything happened for a reason, just try your best and learn to accept the facts. Stop worrying too much and go partying! :P hehe.

We don't really have to make a plan for ourselves but we must have a direction. Follow the direction and you will gain more inspiration. Trust me, it's going to lead you somewhere.

I don't kow why I would come out with this post. Maybe it's because my new counsellor os coming for a Two-weeks visit tonight and it sorta like reminds me of my first Two-weeks visit in California, with my first host parents and my awesome counsellor, Judy.

Just a random post. You don't have to read it.

Cheers for our life.

My Valentine

If there were no words no way to speak

I would still hear you

If there were no tears no way to feel inside

I still feel for youAnd even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You'd still have my heart until the end of time

You're all I need my love, My Valentine.

All of my life I have waited for all you give to me

You opened my eyes and showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before

In my dreams I couldn't love you more

I will give you my heart until the end of time

You're all I need my love my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You'd still have my heart until the end of time

Cause all I need is you My Valentine

You're all I need my love, My Valentine.

THANKS, Protocol. You're my valentine. MUAKS.

Let's build our cubby hole in California, ok? Yes, just the two of us. Love you.

Happy Valentine.

Mirror

When you look at the mirror, what do you see?

Your own face, your eyes, your other features, your hair?

When I look at the mirror, I see my own soul, searching for the purpose in life. Now, I have seen a glimmer of hope, a direction in life. I guess I have to brace up to take up the challenge again. Though, I have to give up something, to enter the brand new chapter.

I want to get rid of my vacant eyes. I want to have a pair of eyes that radiate with youthful spirit, hope and joy.

1,2,3. Ready? Go! New chapter of life!

Winter in New York

Finally, for the very first time, I had my winter in a foreign country. Even though the global warming issue had caused the temperature to increase and the winter has no longer that cold, though, for a Malaysian girl like me, it's still FREAKING cold!

That morning, after finish preparing the lunch boxes and the breakfast, I managed to take the photoes. It's like a scene in dream...Gosh! Big snow. Snow flakes came falling from sky. the ground, the tree and everything on earth were covered with layer of white snow. You guys got to see the pictures. There you go!

Since it's freezing cold outside, people are wearing thick sweaters, winter coats, hats and gloves. I guess the poodles should wear something to keep them warm, too. So that they wont catch cold.

Aha. Nono... Raffles and Maggie, you guys should wear something!

Here we go! A blue sweater for Raffle and a red one for Maggie! They have their turtle necks! :p cutie pies! That's the winter in Long Island, New York! Freezing cold but it's fun! :)

Last Cluster Meeting in CA

I had my last cluster meeting in Pasadena, Los Angeles with a bunch of Au pair and my counsellor last January. We had the jewellery workshop and it was the first time I made myself a set of jewellery that include: necklace, earings and bangels. It was fun. It was a meaningful day for me as my dearest counsellor, Judy gave Rose and I a farewell party in Starbuck after the workshop. She baked us a cake, and wrote our name on it. I love her. I really do. Thanks you millions, Judy, I can never thank you enough, never ever.

Let's see the photoes.
That's the set of jewellery I made. I spent hours in doing that. Are they pretty? Well, it's ok. Maybe you will find them ugly but my friends love them. I think that they look very 'African', :P but Lisi said that they look very 'Egyptian'. :P haha. Anyway, hardwork, treasure them.
My stunning friend from Thailand, Too. Bye, Too, love you.
A cake for Rose and me. Bye, Judy and friends.
Au pairs, GREAT counsellor and the flag of Brazil?!

That's the utmost wonderful cluster meeting I ever Had. Thanks Judy, for everything.