圆一个梦

很多好书写的同学们都有过一种不切实际的出书梦吧？我从小就幻想可以做一个全职作家，住在一个远离市区的小屋里=写书。当然，梦想只属于在夜晚熟睡时，现实的我即没过人才华也没侥幸的机遇，所以还是埋首在办公室里投入一场有一场的无聊斗争里。

前些日子里偷闲写了自己的故事，还没完成却无法再写下去了。今天想了一想不如就在这里上传了了一个模拟的隐形作家梦吧！

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前言

我姓范，名叫诗笳。我出生在马来西亚柔佛州的一个小城镇里。我的名字听起来普通，写起来却异常。妈妈在为我取名选字时特地挑选了一很不普通的‘笳’，目的是希望我可以像中国乐器━胡笳一般，响亮而特出。爸爸命名我‘诗笳’，谐音‘思家’（即思念家人）。也许在我出生之前他就有预感这个女儿他日必定会漂泊远方，所以有必要提醒我有关家人的重要性。

然而，我并不是出类拔萃之辈。从呱呱落地的一九八四年到二零一一年的今天都没真正干过什么惊为人天、轰轰烈烈的大事。但是，我坚信不论再怎么渺小的无名小卒都会有一些异于常人的经历。我就想代表这一群普通市民说说一些不同的生活故事。你读了之后可能会不削的哼之以鼻：“这有什么了不起的？”但，说者请三思，我可以斗胆在这里向你宣战：我肯定你没胆量去重复我所做过的每一件事！

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一、童年

简单的来说，我其实也和很多的普通大马八零年代后的宝宝一样，懂事后就循规蹈矩的听妈妈的话，埋没于课业中努力求学上进。最怕的就是听到长辈们威胁式的说：“读书如果读不好以后就得去倒大便！”实际上，专倒夜香这种工作在很原始古早前就已经销声匿迹了。可是一联想到那浓郁化不开的臭味，天真的我就会立刻转身埋头苦读。谁要去干那种事阿？我可是立志要嫁给骑着白马的王子叻！开什么玩笑！

儿时沉浸于各类仙履奇缘的童话，难免会被脑洗；伤心难过时总会幻想英挺的王子一手把我拉上俊俏的马匹扬长而去、抛开世俗的烦恼。

这种荒唐事当然只会发生在夜晚沉睡时，现实中根本不可能会有什么贵族来拯救我。我一直都是我自己的英雄；只有我可以解救我自己━这是我在幼小的时候就了解的道理。

我不是保受命运眷顾一的那一群，出生时即没有金汤匙于也没有银钥匙。父母都是好人但碍于均出生在早期漂洋过海的中国华人移民家庭中，贫困又复杂的环境根本不可能准许他们身心健康的成长。犹记得妈妈娓娓诉说着童年之苦：
“我们当时只可以在新年时吃到肉。七岁的时候就得每天自己一个人于清晨五点穿着缺了头的脏白鞋开始步行一个小时半去码头，乘搭破旧的渡轮去上课。那黑漆漆的漫长路程我可是颤抖的用泪水走完…”

恶劣的环境朔造了妈妈极端的两种个性━坚强不屈与多愁善感。她可以为了一篇虚构的故事而落泪；同时，也可以用微弱的肩膀撑起整个家，抱着病危的孩子在深夜步行三公里到路口截德士去医院。她就是那么一个奇怪的女人。她无私的为她深爱的子女奉献一切、为家庭牺牲至没有自我。这种‘你是女人就得认命’的荒谬行为真的就只属于那一个年代。我真的不觉得那是一种值得鼓励的行为。当你把生命意义完全建立在他人身上，你永远都不可能会快乐起来。

相对之下，爸爸则幸运了许多。同样出生在拥有近十个兄弟姐妹的大家庭里，至少他没有吃不饱、穿不暖的问题。公公在爸爸很小时就去世了，所以我从来没见过他。听说他似乎有留下一些遗产，因此孩子们的吃住还不成问题。这份微小的运气却也带来了一丝丝的不幸，长大后手足们为了仅有的田地和房屋而反目成仇，从此不相联络。爸爸没有抢到什么，也不想得到什么。记忆中他对自己的父母兄弟都绝口不提，我一直都认为在见过了人类最丑陋的一面后，爸爸开始对亲情感到失望，从而影响了他日后的人生观。

要说起我和爸爸的感情，我真的无法用文字形容。我们没什么时间或机会在一起，更加没有共同的话题。小学和中学时期我总有上不完的补习班，爸爸无论如何都会坚持开车载我上下课，绝不让我在这方面吃苦。我很肯定在他的内心深处，他是爱我们的，但也许他不知道他的所作所为在很早以前就把一个原本可以很温馨的小家庭撕裂。他并不是一个尽责的丈夫；年轻时满脑子鬼主意，异想天开的藉由赌博来发财。结果当然是惨败。他欠下了一屁股债又不愿脚踏实地地埋头工作，最后遭殃的当然是我那傻坷坷的妈妈。她 身兼多职并变卖身上所有值钱的样品以便还债。那样的生活差点把妈妈逼疯。精神衰弱的她努力的扛起一切责任，变得喜怒无常，为的就是填满那个债务的无底洞，维持一个空了心的家庭。

Q & A

今天从表妹的部落格里读到这个 Q&A 游戏，忽然觉得很好玩，所以就在这里复制了：

Q:最近最开心的事
A:家里养的两只小仓鼠越长越可爱逗趣。

Q:最伤心的事
A:老家闹得鸡犬不灵，妈妈每天都生气伤身。

Q:最生气的事
A:尝试借个耳朵倾听两方面的故事，却被一个没脑的恶心泼妇公开指责。

Q:最近关注的话题
A:如何赚大钱。

Q:最近倒霉的事
A:吃午饭时把牛油玉米倒在老板娘身上。

Q:最近看的戏
A:Family Guy

Q:最近在干什么
A:记录自己的故事。

Q:那现在有什么打算
A:赚很多钱然后开间自己的餐厅

Q:目前最大心愿
A:妈妈快乐起来。

Q:最近不爽的事
A:死八婆还是住在家里。

Q:最近最爱吃的东西
A:美基快熟面

Q:最近看到最让你觉得有道理的一句话
A:把生命意义托付在他人身上你永远快乐不起来。

Q:最近想买的东西
A:DSLR，可是没钱 (和表妹的答案一样！)

Q:最近看过的书
A:My Horizontal Life -- Chealsea Handler

Q:最近常说的口头禅
A:人与人的相处真的很难。

Q:最近暗爽的事
A:花钱买的维他命和保养品真的很有效喔！

Q:目前的理想型
A:有钱的老实人（作梦）

Q:如果你有超人力，你要做什么事？
A:把我的家人心地变好，多点包容和良心。

Q:退休后有什么梦想？
A:在西藏修行；尘归尘，土归土。

Q:最想去的国家
A:老挝

Q:如果有机会看到一个名人，你希望是谁？
A:Eminem，要他在我的屁股上签名。

Q:觉得自己哪里最有魅力？
A:乐于助人之心？

Q:最讨厌被问到的问题？
A:你打算以后要干什么？

Q:你觉得生活美满吗？
A:不错，如果妈妈没那么生气的话会是完美。

Q：最不想看到自已怎样的样子？
A：变肥失业落魄贫困。

New Year New Year!

This is the second week of year 2011. Again, we embrace another new year with open arms. Scratching our heads hard, we try to recall our accomplishment of the passed year. Most of the times, the memories just do not serve us right. Our mind went blank when recapturing. Well, at least that's what happened to me. When this has became a trend, I start taking it as a sign of aging.

I am old. When filling in forms and survey, I realised that I will have to check the column of 26-35. Some of my friends started covering the truth about their ages, refusing to show the year of birth at 'facebook' and some other public profile. I was tempted to do that for once, but 'pretending to be young' is really not my cup of tea. Thus, proudly, I told everybody that I am turning 27 this year. What's next? 30? I am not afraid as I believe that I will continue to grow and when I reach my thirty, I will gain stability in terms of my personality, career, finance, family and relationships. So, it seems like I am looking forward to that stage of life?!

Human memory is a funny mechanism. The process of storing a particular moment into our brain involves a big group system with different roles to co-operate and function accordingly. It is definitely a brain-wide procedure. Somehow, this remembrance section of my brain is facing some rather critical problem; I can hardly remember numerous specific points in time even after being reminded - the people, the faces, the conversations, the laughters and the tears... They sounded really strange to me. Perhaps, my rusty memory system is completely filled up; the capacity limit does not allow a bigger storage.Ironically, my toddlerhood memories keep coming back to me in dreams;relating the stories of my growth. Quoting the viewpoint of Annie, the artist whom I admire for bouncing back jauntily from the setback in life:" Every adult has an inner child in heart. We should acknowledge its existance and hold it in loving clasp."

In some indeterminate point of time, we get elder and more mature; we are totally independent and strong enough to support ourseleves, suddenly, we yearn for a shoulder to lean on. The feeling of being secured in the cradle and playing with teddy bear is just tantalizing. To a certain extend, I guess I can fathom the factors for some people to go crazy over paraphilic infantilism. The most tremendous experience for a mankind is when he is loved, carefree and gingerly protected by everybody in the surrounding.God, I really miss that sensation.

Anyways, let's go back to reality. Year 2010 had been a truly challenging period for me. All of my major and life-changing decisions were made in the passed year. I resigned from my previous good job, moved out from my comfort zone, pressing reset button in a foreignland, staying under the same roof with a family from different culture and social class, being assigned with another role and status, accidentally ended up working with a company that manufacture and merchandise cargo control products and last but not least, spent a lot of money to get my eyes fixed! Recapturing the experience, I break into a cold sweat, again. Not saying I am special or better than everybody out there, but, I do think that I have guts and is always spontaneous. My heart is up for any adventure and uproar in life. Try me!

I do not really have any new year resolution or passed year evaluation. As a summary, the greatest thing that happened last year was my laser eye surgery on December 24. Even though it burnt a big hole in my pocket but I never regret. I feel like I have been reborn with a new soul. My new perfect eyes with n contatc lense or glasses around is the best thing that ever happened to me! Even though I did not really like the surgeon Dr Abraham Shamman that much, but I do thank him sincerely for being professional and skillful enough to grant me with my 20/20 vision!

As for this new year, I am looking forward to achieve success at work place, going back to school and most importantly, maintain close family relationship with those I love dearly.

Wholeheartedly, I wish everybody Happy New Year. May you all work your way to your dreams.

Classes

Generally, society is formed by three level of classes: upper, middle and working class. When they are arranged in the pyramid form, the upper class will be placed right on the top, following by the middle and lower class. Like what you all can see from the system rooted in our marginalized society-- the rich remains prominenetly high but minor;the group is normally those successful entrepreneurs, senior professionals, intellectuals and sharp businessmen. Middle class is formed by diligent young woking adults who graduated from college whereas lower class is the unfortunate ones who are less educated and need to work hard, especially physically to earn money for survival.

Being born in a theoretically unpleasant family, my parents were not educated properly. Thus, I grew up as a complete working class. I could never afford any of the luxury in life no matter how hard I try. However, it doesn't really bother me too much because it is impossible for people to get all the best things in life. I was granted with an insanely devoted mother who make sure I have better opportunities. That's way more than I could ever ask for. As such, I am always thankful.

After obtaining a college degree, there are some slight improvements in terms of my monetary status. Anyhow, I am still pretty much a lower class who cannot afford a lot of unnecessary daily expenses.The cruel fact bugs me once in a while but I never thought that it will be a big deal. Working hard and live moderately have always been my motto and I really like the idea.

I don't need:

1. A humongous house with balcany, backyard, garage dan fancy interior design, situated at a high-class' area.

2. Pure breed dogs and cats that require constant maintainence and huge amount of food.

3. Elegant glasswares or tablewares and pretentious etiquette for guests during ostentatious dinner.

4. Vacation house for getaway usage.

5. Advanced technology for household chores management.

6. Big and luxury cars.

7. Grand vacations to europe.

I prefer to:

1. Live in a small but warm cubby-hole with no pretentious decorations or setting; cut down the time and hustle in maintainence.

2. Handling the basic househodl chores myself.

3. Eat on a table with no fancy glasswares and rules with close friends and family members, mainly serving some unhealty food and homely meals that made by my own parents without having to follow any restrictions in behaving.

4. Not having to use stupid washer and dryer that ruin my cheap but nice-looking clothes.

5. Have ample of spaces for me to hang my hand-washed clothes and spaces to store my stuff according my own rules of organization.

6. Not having carpet and wood furnitures in the house or anything pretentious that will store grease and smell of cooking.

7. Have my own kitchen with the storage of numerous Chinese/Asian food that are 'poisonous' but easy to fix and delicious to consume.

8. Go on cheap but enjoyable budgeted holiday trips.

9. Just freaking be left alone and not being forced to act like an 'upper-class' because I am not fucking from the caste of 'Brahmin'. I was raised as 'Pariah', I squat down and do my business in the bathroom and I am happy to remain that way.

10. Be myself and don't give a fuck about what others think.

Ironically, I remember last time when I was a teacher in class, I discussed the social classes topic with my fellow students. The result of the discussion in that tutorial: peopel should only marry and interact 'among' their social class in order to have a permanent relationship".

As the leader of the discussion who elaborated on the mentioned topic, I failed to act upon my belief.

I am not born with a golden spoon in my mouth; it is pointless to feed me with one right now. Ugly duckling turns into elegant swan story only occurs in fairy tale.

A&C

I hailed from Planet C; you come from Planet A.

We decided to unite, residing at Planet A. But, that doesn't change the fact that I am from Planet C.

You want me to live in Planet A, think like people in Planet A, just like the way you do, refusing to even get to know Planet C. You think that everybody should live like you and you rolled your eyes seeing others living their life in a different way. You think that your way is the right way, others are just being ridiculous.

You are just hiding under a big well, seeing the world underneath the well.

You will have to take the responsibility;you are no longer a kid or a prince from your lala highclass land.

Grow up before you lose everything.

Trick/Treat?

"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"

This is definitely not my first Halloween. However, this is the first time I get to experience the celebration, by carving my very first Jack-o'-lantern. Look at the one at the first left. That's my piece of art work. Please don't be too critical! This is my first trial!

Then, we put candles inside the pumpkins, light them on... Gentle and moderate light radiates warmth in the darkness...I love this scene.

Finally, 'trick or treat' night, we must have a big bowl of candies ready for the kiddies in costumes. Ok, I have to admit that my lantern looked childish and silly. But, who cares?! They functioned well by showing little Batmen, Spidermen, Supermen, Zombies and Princesses the way to get their treats!

So I guess, mission completed! Happy Halloween! :p

Family tree

Supposedly, majority of the living creatures in this universe are created by two parties, which are named 'parents'and at the same time, being raised by at least one of them before gaining the ability of independence.

Comparing to other species, humans are more fortunate as they are given the brilliance to set up a more structured system -- 'family' in the process of supporting one another, both mentally and physically. Though, not all them are showered with real happiness;numerous of the unlucky ones are constantly taken over by clouds and rolling darkness.

Of course, living itself is a humongous obstacle that we will have to deal with;but, if you are blessed with a pair of folks who are loving and devoted, it is more likely for your life to be filled with laughters, especially when facing difficulties. In short, joy only co-exists with parents and pure dedication.

I do not really belong to the auspicious group. My chilhood memories were formed by the puzzle pieces of sadness. Anyhow, I was still favored by fortune to a certain extend, for being born as my wonderful mom's daughter. Her big heart and selfless love sheltered my brother and I from the agony of the tough living situation. Her classic motherly smile always shone in the sunlight, radiating with the magical power to turn things alright.

Somehow, life is treating me really well and occasionally, I really do not think that I deserve that. My mother is my favourite person in this planet but sadly, I am really far away from her at the moment, nonethelss, I am granted with two kind souls that treat me like the way they treat their offspring. I must have done a great deal of benevolence at my previous life to be able to be bestowed with this kind of relationship.

Let me introduce my second most favourite parents in life: Douglas and Eva.
Thank you for everything. The scent of the chicken broth and apple sauce and also the concern I have gotten still linger in my mind. I am really happy to be accepted as part of the family. If we describe family as a tree, parents will be the strong root that provide and support the plant in growing strong.

In spite of that, I have a simple and direct definition of family:

F- Father
A- And
M- Mother
I- I
L- Love
Y- You

26

A blind man may sometimes hits the mark; a stopped clock is correct twice a day. Occassionaly, it is good to act like a sightless person as a perfect vision and proper deliberation do not guarantee a fruitful outcome.

I am a timid woman who detests changes. Ironically, in spite of my hatred towards uncertainties, I seem to be born with the destiny to deal with all the unpredictabilities in life. Well, come to think about it, this is probably the result from the path I have chosen. When you choose the path less travelled by, you will have to expect a wild wild adventure.

I have turned 26 last September this year. The numbers sound strange for me as I have lost track of time ever since I turned 23 three years ago. A friend asked me on my birthday celebration this year: "Now you are 26 years old, do you regret the absent and the loss of your early twenties or actually look forward to what and where you are going to be when you turn 30 four year later?"

"30, of course. It's good to be youthful, though the pain of growing up is something that I never want to repeat. I am glad to be who I am today and totally working towards becoming a better human being as I get older. " I replied. An answer which hailed from the bottom of my heart.

The year of 2010 is ending. Personally, I like to do the countdown by referring to the season and festivals. This is the month of October, we are going to have Halloween on 31st. Then, Thanksgiving is coming in autumn, at the month of november. Lastly, the last month of the year, December, Hanukkah and Christmas celebrations will wrap up the year. There goes 2010, Goodbye! Hopefully, the new year will be better!

Anyhow, this year is kind of an interesting one for me. Major changes all took place at the same time. I was over whelming and suffocating . I am still coping and adapting but obviously, there are some obvious progress. In life, we have so much to learn;identifying the goal and striving towards it is the only way to avoid disorientation. Somehow, I am blessed as when I got lost, I have a guider to show me the light, at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, I am thankful for that.

First time in my life, I live my life for myself. Regardless of what others have to say, I am happy with my decision, so far. There are uncountables obstacles and predicaments coming in a long run, eveyrbody can forsee them. However, faith can really move moutains. There are ways to walk through the problems rather than avoiding or running way from them, as long as you put your heart into it.

Many years later, I am pretty sure that I will still brim over with joy, recapturing this decision, even if it fails because at least I have done my best to fight for it, instead of shilly-shallying, worrying about the outcome and allow the fear or 'what if' to stop me.

That will be a major regret that I never ever want to have. I adhere to my principle; I am proud about that.

Briskly, cheers for life, hurray.

泡泡

昨天下午，忙完了生活上的琐碎事，我悠闲的拿了派对后剩下的肥皂泡泡到后花园去，对着西下的太阳吹起了泡泡。

简单的肥皂泡泡游戏可是我孩童时期最爱。每当路经商场，我总会拼命的求妈妈买一瓶；当然很多时候都不能得逞，但偶尔母亲大人心情好而又有一些剩下的零钱时我还是会得到一小瓶。小小的我那一刻的心情总是雀跃不已，非笔墨所能形容。

连串成堆的泡泡被夏风吹起，大大小小的在橙黄的夕阳下飞舞；一颗颗看似透明的小圆球微微的泛着亮丽的彩虹颜色，和反射着玻璃窗的光芒交织出戏剧化的场景。就在那一刹那，我看见了七岁的我和相差一岁的表妹及邻居像蝴蝶一般的在花丛间追逐、时而停下吹起手中的泡泡…时而不知所云的哈哈大笑！童年的快乐真的只是在弹指间垂手可得。

犹记得庸懒的星期天早上，爸爸总会在刷牙前挤牙膏时把我叫到跟前，让我吹起在牙膏口管上冒起的小泡泡。还在上幼儿园的我总会异常兴奋，第一时间冲上去，小心翼翼的把牙膏泡泡吹移至空中，看着它慢慢飞动，然后露出没有门牙的傻笑。在旁的爸爸看着我，嘴角总是往上扬。

窝心温暖的感觉就只是那么一瞬间。它们就像廉价的美丽泡泡，当你正开始景仰那一刻的美丽；它们就在空中破裂、化为乌有。

很多时候，幸福真的只是泡泡，如同幻影━漂亮却捉摸不定。如果没有捉紧时机欣赏，一切都会立即消失不见。很想问一句，没有努力捕捉那一刻的泡泡，你有后悔吗？

就算有，悔过真的已经来不及了吧？

?

Vows. I wonder what they mean.

SeeYou

I am gone, again. Bye bye! But, I'll be back!!

吴哥窟

五月中旬去了一趟柬埔寨，目睹了世界古老的七大建筑奇观之一 ━ 吴哥窟。从没想过会有机会到此一游，机缘巧合之下来到这里，发觉身边的一物一景都美得不像话。随手一拍，忍不住捕下了近千张照片。当然，我不会把所有的图像放上来，随意的挑了很少的几张来和朋友分享、顺便记录这个非凡的心灵之旅。

十二世纪的建筑和文化自然奇特得不在话下。它的美，沧桑得有些诡异，真的让人有一点无法想象。至于那市中之人更是带给了我很多启发性的思想。对于我来说，这仿佛是一场生命探索的旅程。旧时代的人们崇尚神明，认为他们主宰了生命的一切，因而用尽了一生来奉献、膜拜。这些惊人的建筑和雕刻是最好的证明。精致万变的女神雕刻处处可见，但是，此行最大的收获是发现了原来幸运的人儿身边都有一位女神来守候保护他们━ 这位是我的幸运女神，你找到你的了吗？

最后在这里小小的介绍这间非一般的民宿，若要有一个不同于旅客的经验，就尝试让它来帮你当一回起步的自由旅者吧！你不会后悔的哦！

Sunset

Before checking-out from school completely, I would like to upload this post from my personal office, for the very last time. This is my last chance to sit here and type. I want to mark this moment down, place it as part of my memory in life. It is sad but this is the time to say goodbye.

I will depart with a big smile and thankful heart...Thank you for everything... Thank you.

老师

你有没有遇过那种让你一辈子都不会忘记的良师？

读了这么多年的书，我知道肯真正为学生献身的老师犹如凤毛麟角，但，我却很庆幸自己在求学生涯中还是很幸运地巧遇了一些真的对我人生很有启发的老师；对此，我仍旧抱着一颗感恩的心。特别是在投身于大专教育这一行后，我发现了各种不为人知的荒谬黑暗处后更了解到好的老师真的是可遇不可求。所以，如果你在人生的阶段中曾遇见那么一位有意思的长辈，我真的要说这位客官您可走运了！

我并不伟大，也不是什么会为学生出生入死的老师；很多时候还很懒惰，批改数百份考卷和作业时常常会很想大哭一场、然后再把课业撕掉。可是，我一直把自己想象成一个无助的学生，把角色调换来思考学生所需。我并不是说我比其他人厉害，只是我有限的人生经验教会了我将心比心、己所不欲，务施予人的道理。所有生物共处于一个地球、吸同样的氧气；这世上没有谁比谁优越的道理。

就像你们所说的：这真的是一个很沉重的再见。但是，很无奈，人生就是由很多不同的 “嗨，你好！”和 “拜拜” 组成的。在你们忙着谢谢我的当儿，我要感谢你们教会了我很多课业外的东西、造就了我美好的金宝回忆。

我以老师的身份要你们给我好好读书，考个上等文凭；更以益友的身份要你们多多保重。你们一定会有一个比我还要璀璨的未来。

First Time

First Punjabi suit in life, it was tailor-made and definitely not cheap but I really like it.

I may not look good in it but screw that! As long as I am happy with it, I guess that's enough!

Thanks Juejun for bringing me to this shop at Ipoh. :-)

贱兔拖鞋

这是我人生中的第一双卧房拖鞋，购买于二零零三年的三月或四月。实际的日期我忘了，只记得这是我第一次离家求学、入住校舍时妈妈给我买的。

我家总和贫穷摆脱不了关系，第一年的先修班不能借钱，我又坚持不上中六、不削国立大学，妈妈因此而头疼不已。她东奔西跑想破脑袋去筹我第一期的学费，我忘了她去向谁借钱了，不过在一番辛苦后她总算借到了第一学期的钱，当时真的有一种饥寒交迫的感觉。但是，不懂事的我竟还和朋友逛街，买了一些无聊的小玩意而惹怒了妈妈因此而被骂得狗血淋头。现在回想起来我真该死！

之后准备行李搬迁去吉隆坡，妈妈又花了一笔钱买了好多必需品，在百货公司里，走在她身后的我突然瞧见这双可爱但要价近三十零吉的卧房拖鞋顿时停下脚步看了一会儿。敏感的妈妈发现后就问我是不是喜欢想买，我摇了摇头直说太贵了。她二话不说取了贱兔走向柜台还钱。

那一年，年纪不到十八岁的我在文良港念着大学先修班，初次离家再加上三百六十度的生活转变压得我透不过气；软弱无助的我终日郁郁寡欢，上完课后只要一回到宿舍关上房门我总会很没用的独自流泪。记忆中，滚烫的泪水连串滑落时我的脚上总是紧紧地被这双贱兔拖鞋包裹着；泪水汪汪的眼睛盯着白白胖胖的兔仔，心里挂念的是远在家乡的妈妈。

度过了极不快乐的一年，课程完毕后我带着贱兔拖鞋随着其他同学搬迁至繁忙的八打灵闹市正式升级为大学生。由于开始适应了游子生活，也有了一些比较合得来的朋友，接下来的三年过得还算不赖，但是我浓重的思家之情还是挥之不去。只要稍微一得闲我就会飞也似的奔向我最恨的富都车站乘搭快巴回家；哪怕只是少过四十八小时的周末我也照回不务。

是的，当时的我一直希望可以永远贴在妈妈身边，感觉那一份温暖无私的亲情，就是那么的简单。

在像流星一般闪过的大学生涯里我仍旧日日穿着我的贱兔拖鞋，并定时每两个月清洗一次、细细的呵护。毕业后我带着它回家，妈妈嚷着我把它丢了，我抵死不从，洗干净后好好的放入抽屉收藏起来。接着我突发奇想，启程远渡重洋的流放，拖鞋依旧乖乖的呆在原位两年。这期间，我和它分开了多于十万里路；心，漂流在太平洋。妈妈最需要我的时候，我浑然不知，那么差一点的就要愧疚终生。

两年后，我以败者的形态归来，休息一阵就收拾行李、携带着被忽略了两年的贱兔独自上首都工作，三个月内又只身北上，投入另一份行业。间中，贱兔拖鞋一直紧随着我。

屈指算来已经七年，我的贱兔拖鞋早已松弛变宽、无法紧紧包围我的双脚了。我还是无法狠下心来把它扔掉，妈妈重重的关怀我无法丢弃。在我很小很小的时候，妈妈喜欢和我一起做剪报。我们从‘南洋学生’里选择文章剪下、贴在厚厚的剪贴簿里。她会坐在我身旁对识字有限的我细细朗读文章，印象最深的是一篇叫“爸爸的草鞋” 的作文。作者在结尾终结：

“爸爸的草鞋是船，它承载了我们的喜悦与悲伤。”

现在想了一想，我倒想说：

“妈妈的贱兔拖鞋是家，无论身在何方，它都用爱将我包围。”

我已独立长大，不可能永远待在妈妈身边。假若我即将再远行，这一次我会把拖鞋带走，但把心留下。

我的心会守候我生命中最重要的人，不会再让历史重演。

The Road Not Taken

I learned about this poem back in high school's English literature class. For some unknown reasons, I was totally fascinated by it. I would like to dedicate this to my dear friend, Lampfly who is going to set off for another journey in life.

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

*No matter where you are, I always keep you in my prayer and sincerely wish you all the best..

捕梦网

近来一直被噩梦骚扰，很难才可以睡个好觉。梦境中反复见到很多不好的人和事，导致起床时昏昏沉沉的，心情极差。

恶梦是人类潜意识里的讯息，你的担忧与恐慌都会化成黑暗的录影片，在你夜晚睡着时于脑海里播放、尽情的用你最害怕的结果来折磨你；让你即害怕又疲惫。

素来，我都很喜欢各类民族的文化传说，印第安人血淋淋的被压迫历史至今仍紧紧的揪着我的五脏六腑；但是， 有关于捕梦网的 故事却不断的为我带来丝丝的浪漫味道。

我床前的捕梦网没法帮我夜夜捉住美梦，也没有保护我免受恶梦袭击，但是我还是习惯在临睡前看看它，总相信自己会一夜好梦、翌日心神舒畅。

捕梦网终究只是 一个 美丽的符号，心灵上的健全往往才是赶走夜魔的良方。

If only I could

Yeah, we can never turn back time. But sometimes, some people, some buildings, some memories just wouldn't stop bugging your mind...

If only I could turn back time, I would have one more 'Chicken Teriyaki Bowl' at my favourite Japanese restaurant. This will remain as a dream forever, the restaurant was sold to some Koreans since few years back.

Shigon Tairo, you are the best sushi master and boss ever, whom I will remember for life. Thank you, and I miss you, I really do.

Insane Trivia

Trivial incidents that occurred during tutorial classes recently.

*********************************************
#1

One minute before the presentation of her communication research proposal...

Student A: Miss, I want to inform you that I didn't include the section of 'Literature Review' into the proposal.

Me: Why? Are you planning to just explain it verbally during your oral presentation?

Student A: No, I don't know what is 'Literature Review' and I don't know how to do this, so i didn't include that part.

Me: Do you know that that section occupies 10 marks in total? If you don't include that, I will need to mark you '0' at that section. Why you didn't ask if you don't know since the beginning of the class like week 1? This is week 7 already! You just realised that you don't understand 'Literature Review' few minutes before your presentation? When you start writing your research proposal? This morning?!

Student A: No, not this morning. I started yesterday night...

Me: Have you ever attended my class? I have been teaching you all about this since week 1. I circulated the samples, outlines and important handouts. You witnessed your friends' presentations and heard my comments at all?

Student A: (silent*Looking at me idiotically)

Me: So, how can I help you? What you expect from me? I can't give you any mark if you don't provide this part. You are going to fail in this assignment for sure. Do you want a second chance?

Student A: (silent*Looking like a total retard)

Me: Ok, I will give you one more day for your assignment then. If you are able to submit another complete copy tomorrow morning, before 10.30am, I will mark you solely base on the new one, pretending that I never receive this assignment today.

Student A: (expression changed dramatically) HuuuHHHhhhhhhhhh.... Miss, that means I have to work on it today and then submit it by tomorrow morning?! Too rush!

Me: ... Anyways, if I don't receive anything new from you tomorrow morning, I will mark you according to this proposal and you are going to fail.

****************************************
#2

After two oral presentations, I was confirming with the students about the number of presenters and the total number of assignments that I was supposed to receive. Then, suddenly...

Student B: Miss, in fact, I am supposed to present today but I didn't know it until the beginning of today's class so I cannot present or submit anything today.

Me: What?! Why?! What happened?!

Student B: I don't know. My friend never told me about that so I didn't know about that until just now.

Me: This is week 7 already! The sequence and date for presentation was fixed since week 1. Everybody received a copy of the name list at week 2 and now you are telling me that you know nothing about it at week 7, right on the day you are supposed to submit your assignment and do your presentation?!

Student B: I really don't know, my friend never told me. I attended all of your classes...

Me: So it's not your fault for not knowing things that are going on in class, your friends will have to bear the responsibility for not informing you about your own due date for assignment?

Student B: ... Can I present next week?

Me: If you want a second chance, I can only allow you to present at other course's tutorial class as there's a schedule that must be followed. So, next Monday, 8am at this venue, if you were late or don't show up, I will fail you right away.

Student B: Ok...

*********************************************
#3

Three hours before my next research method class, I was getting the documents ready in my office. Two students were knocking at my door...

Me: Yes, may I help you?

Student C&D: We are coming to see if Miss has time to check our proposal for us, we are not sure about the points that we have included.

Me: Sure. (*start checking, commenting and guiding them in writing their proposals)

Student C&D: So we only have Introduction and research questions right now, the rest of the three chapters we are not sure what to include, can you please give us some guidance?

Me: Sure. (Explaining to them what are the important areas and points that they will have to include and elaborate). You all will have a lot to work on then, when will be your presentation? I hope not this week because you all will need a lot of time to write the following chapters and also make the relevant amendments.

Student C&D: Actually, we will present at Miss' next class, after three hours.

Me: What?! Then how are both of you going to do this? Skip your next class and just simply insert some irrelevant points inside? Why do thing last minute?!

Student C&D: We are going to skip the next lecture for other subject and try to work on this proposal. We have just came back from East Malaysia from Chinese New Year holiday yesterday so was too tired to do assignment yesterday.

Me: (WTF) Good luck and see you all in class then.

********************************************
#4

I was sitting in the office, scratching my head hard, thinking about the mid-term test questions at week 9. My cell phone rang, I received a text message --

"Miss, are you free to talk now? I want to tell you that I cannot finish my assignment on time and I think I won't be able to submit the proposal and do the presentation later in class."

Immediately, my heart sank. I was pissed. No reply being sent for that ridiculous message. After one hour, *knock*knock.

Me: Yes, what can I do for you.

Student E: (*looking embaressed) Miss, I sent you a text message a moment ago, have you received it?

Me: Guess so. So what you want to tell me?

Student E: I haven't complete my assignment, I cannot submit it by today and I won't be able to present later in class.

Me: Why?

Student E: Because I do things at very last minute. To be honest, I started writing the proposal only yesterday night and there are a lot of parts and information that I don't get. I cannot do it.

Me: Why you only do it last minute? Your friends do not have this problem, they handed in their assignment before the due date. What's your problem? You been busy with something else lately?

Student E: No, I am not really busy, nothing much going on in my life. My friends are not as lazy as me. I don't know what happens to me this semester, I don't have the mood to study and I cannot focus at all, this is entirely my fault and I can blame nobody. I am a procrastinator and I have to bear the consequence.

Me: Ok, so what you want me to do?

Student E: I wonder if you will allow me to present next week in class? I don't mind if you deduct 50% of my marks because this is my fault. I am just asking for a chance to submit my assignment.

Me: hmmm. Ok, how about that? This coming Thursday I have another research method class. If your time table allowed and you can make it on time, I will allow you to present. I won't make things hard for you by deducting 50% percent of the mark, I don't think you will have a lot of marks for me to minus after all. It sounds fair for you?

Student E: (*hesitates)Yeah, but it doesn't sounds fair for you, Miss.

Me: You are a student, still, so I give you another opportunity. If you are working right now, probably you will get fired. I just want you to not repeating this type of mistake later in life.

Student E: Thanks, Miss...

********************************************************

Around 4 years of gap in age, but gigantic difference in terms of attitude. Generation gap?! What's the roots of the problem? Parents? Friends? School? Society? Media?

Totally insane!

Though, I kind of like student E in someways, at least he admitted his mistake and showed his regrets. He had the guts to take the responsibility and bear the ramification of his action.

There are hopes, maybe!