Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Lost

How is it feels like when you are losing something? I had that kind of experience before. When I was just a kid, I lost my favourite white teddy bear. I misplaced it somewhere when I last played it with my cousins.
At the moment I couldn't get it and held her in my arms, I was anxious, nervous and in turmoil. I ransacked the entire areas within my home; pestering my mum by asking her where was my bear, over and over again, until she yelled at me loudly and threatening to spank me. To me, the bear was my precious baby, when I lost it, I felt like my entire heart became empty. I couldn't cry, I lost myself in my own mind. Deep inside my heart, I could hear my myself crying badly for my little baby. I was in agony and went silent for days. Anyway, I looked calm, just found it hard to have an ease of mind in whatever I was doing.
Finally, weeks after weeks, I covered the sadness in my heart as there was nothing I could do. I had my smiles back. However, I stopped touching my other toys since then, refusing to talk or discuss anything regarding the teddy bears with my small friends or cousins.
One particular day, when my mother was cleaning up her room, she found my bear. He lied under the closet, quietly, displaying no emotion when I got him in my warm embrace. At the moment I touched him in my finger toes, I burst into tears. I cried and cried and cried, until my mum had to coax me with candies.
Sometimes, when you are totally hopeless about something, couldn't even see a glimmer of light, which means that your heart is having its dead end. Nonetheless, rememeber that some miracle might happen. When you are having that kind of surprise out of the blue, I guarantee you, you will be filling with emotions, You couldn't speak properly and your heart would split into two, rising into the sky with their invisible wings.
Your worries all gone in once. Relieving, you would feel like you are getting lighter, as the big stone that was pressing your psyche is wearing off.
Yes, the tears would drop as there isn't any distressful emotion, which you intend to hide.
You are emotionally and spiritually revived or regenerated.
Great, isn't it?!

5 comments:

Chloe said...

Hehe, I thot you're going to talk about the TV series ;p

Experienced the same thing when I lost my first handphone back in 2002, though was not lucky as you who found your Teddy...

season said...

hahaah.. i don't like the TV series.. hahahah.. :P yaloyalo.pain to lose a thing, but when you got them back, it would be a great thing, isn't it? hahah.. your hp ar? nvm loh.. buried in your memories loh!

tash said...

yea how true.....i lost my baby g even today my heart still ache (BADLY) when i see any baby g watch haih....
first thing i'm gonna get when i got a job is most prob a baby g to ease d pain n bad memory..

EAN said...

i also thought it was Lost the tv show!

season said...

tash,
haha, sure lah.. baby G expensive what. :P haha.. never mind lah, you are going to get a job very soon, then only buy one loh!! :P

Ean,
hahah, i don't really like the show and I am not really a loyal audiences of 'Lost' so i won't comment on it. :P hahah. just here to share some experience wiht you all! :)