我的阿嬷

 

今天下午，阿嬷随着阿公也走了。再一次没来得及说再见和谢谢，希望哥哥真的有把我要说的话传达到耳边。

我的阿嬷很疼我，没有了。

短短的三个星期，阿公和阿嬷都不见了，再也找不到了。

我的阿公

我自小就唤外公叫“阿公”。爸爸的爸爸很早就过世了，所以妈妈的爸爸是我唯一的“阿公”。“阿公”八十有几，身体状况欠佳。他在过去两年一直进出医院，今天下午终于永远脱离病痛，他走了。

今天美国加州时间清晨五点，表妹捎来了电子讯息。自然的，眼泪串串落下。很伤心。听起来很白痴和不孝，但是，真的是由于工作、课业、距离和金钱的关系，我在阿公病危受苦的时候没法回去探望他。今天他撒手归西，我还是没能回去，摸了摸自己的良心，发现好像找不着。

我和阿公并没有很亲, 我们之间的交流少得可怜。记忆中的他总是酷酷凶凶的，就是一副标准的严肃沉默大家长模样。小时候我和成群的表兄妹们看到他总是退避三舍，害怕因为吵闹玩乐而被骂。和妈妈谈起阿公，我们都一致认同阿公的威严是多么的让人不敢侵犯。我想这是因为他自小漂洋过海来到南洋，贫困艰难的生活造就了坚毅的个性和眉头深锁的容貌。不过，一点可以完全确定-- 阿公是个成功白手起家的正直商人、难得的好人。

他不做不道德的生意，本着宁可被人骗自己却决不骗人的原则，虽然因此而吃了不少苦头但他不曾后悔过。他虽然固执不过却非常照顾自己的八个儿女，若在人生或金钱方面有什么难题,他都会挺身而出，帮忙到底。阿公知道我的家境贫困，从小就经常塞钱给妈妈，也让妈妈在店里帮忙,让她有一份稳定的工作。令人心痛的是为了一家大小劳碌勒一辈子的阿公竟被一手提拔的儿子背叛！我无法了解阿公的苦楚，不过，那颗心一定很痛。

 

在我三年前离开马来西亚的前一晚，我到阿公家向他道别。我没有说很多，只是一声，“阿公再见!”他也有型的回了一句，“出门在外，一切小心！”然后，就走回房里。看着他离去的瘦弱背影，我的泪珠在眼眶打滚。我隐约知道那可能就是我们最后一次的见面了。搬来美国看见周遭的友人和家人都是又抱又亲的，心里可羡慕死了！东方人的表爱方式真的需要改进！我完全没有被阿公抱过的回忆，就连张家人亲密照也没和他拍过，这就是所谓的遗憾吧？

 

最后一次和阿公通电话是在去年年尾（我知道，很不孝吧?!）那时他身体状况很差，口齿也已经不清，我和他聊了两句就沉默以对。挂上电话后，我伤心的哭了。从此，我避免打电话给他，只是定时的从家人口中探听他的境况。问我会后悔吗？我说会！但是再从来勒？结果还是一样！我和阿公即陌生有亲密的关系就是以这样的模式进行的吧？

 

努力的回顾对阿公记忆，我想到了小时候的我开心的接过阿公手上大大的红包、新年初一早上看着他在厨房煮着鲜美的鱼粥、他躺在客厅彩色躺椅上拿着遥控器看着电视、静静地坐在客厅角落熟练的运用茶具泡一壶好茶，还有就是穿着白色上衣、黑色长裤的他推着黑色的传统大脚车从篱笆门外走进来。对阿公的印象都是平静的，朴实简单的回忆都是蓝蓝的一片，像大海，没有任何多余色彩的交叉。

 

我想起了最后一次看见阿公的背影，忽然惦记起小时候在阿公家玩闹的画面。如果真的有时光机，我要回到那个时段，给阿公拍个和一群小孙子孙女的合照，最好就是一个板着一张脸的阿公,不高兴的瞪着烦人的孩童们。我会一直收着这相片，这就是我的阿公，外表冷酷，内心温暖和谐。

 

一直都不想说的一句话：“阿公，请安息。”

圆一个梦

很多好书写的同学们都有过一种不切实际的出书梦吧？我从小就幻想可以做一个全职作家，住在一个远离市区的小屋里=写书。当然，梦想只属于在夜晚熟睡时，现实的我即没过人才华也没侥幸的机遇，所以还是埋首在办公室里投入一场有一场的无聊斗争里。

前些日子里偷闲写了自己的故事，还没完成却无法再写下去了。今天想了一想不如就在这里上传了了一个模拟的隐形作家梦吧！

_______________________________________________________________________

前言

我姓范，名叫诗笳。我出生在马来西亚柔佛州的一个小城镇里。我的名字听起来普通，写起来却异常。妈妈在为我取名选字时特地挑选了一很不普通的‘笳’，目的是希望我可以像中国乐器━胡笳一般，响亮而特出。爸爸命名我‘诗笳’，谐音‘思家’（即思念家人）。也许在我出生之前他就有预感这个女儿他日必定会漂泊远方，所以有必要提醒我有关家人的重要性。

然而，我并不是出类拔萃之辈。从呱呱落地的一九八四年到二零一一年的今天都没真正干过什么惊为人天、轰轰烈烈的大事。但是，我坚信不论再怎么渺小的无名小卒都会有一些异于常人的经历。我就想代表这一群普通市民说说一些不同的生活故事。你读了之后可能会不削的哼之以鼻：“这有什么了不起的？”但，说者请三思，我可以斗胆在这里向你宣战：我肯定你没胆量去重复我所做过的每一件事！

*********************************

一、童年

简单的来说，我其实也和很多的普通大马八零年代后的宝宝一样，懂事后就循规蹈矩的听妈妈的话，埋没于课业中努力求学上进。最怕的就是听到长辈们威胁式的说：“读书如果读不好以后就得去倒大便！”实际上，专倒夜香这种工作在很原始古早前就已经销声匿迹了。可是一联想到那浓郁化不开的臭味，天真的我就会立刻转身埋头苦读。谁要去干那种事阿？我可是立志要嫁给骑着白马的王子叻！开什么玩笑！

儿时沉浸于各类仙履奇缘的童话，难免会被脑洗；伤心难过时总会幻想英挺的王子一手把我拉上俊俏的马匹扬长而去、抛开世俗的烦恼。

这种荒唐事当然只会发生在夜晚沉睡时，现实中根本不可能会有什么贵族来拯救我。我一直都是我自己的英雄；只有我可以解救我自己━这是我在幼小的时候就了解的道理。

我不是保受命运眷顾一的那一群，出生时即没有金汤匙于也没有银钥匙。父母都是好人但碍于均出生在早期漂洋过海的中国华人移民家庭中，贫困又复杂的环境根本不可能准许他们身心健康的成长。犹记得妈妈娓娓诉说着童年之苦：
“我们当时只可以在新年时吃到肉。七岁的时候就得每天自己一个人于清晨五点穿着缺了头的脏白鞋开始步行一个小时半去码头，乘搭破旧的渡轮去上课。那黑漆漆的漫长路程我可是颤抖的用泪水走完…”

恶劣的环境朔造了妈妈极端的两种个性━坚强不屈与多愁善感。她可以为了一篇虚构的故事而落泪；同时，也可以用微弱的肩膀撑起整个家，抱着病危的孩子在深夜步行三公里到路口截德士去医院。她就是那么一个奇怪的女人。她无私的为她深爱的子女奉献一切、为家庭牺牲至没有自我。这种‘你是女人就得认命’的荒谬行为真的就只属于那一个年代。我真的不觉得那是一种值得鼓励的行为。当你把生命意义完全建立在他人身上，你永远都不可能会快乐起来。

相对之下，爸爸则幸运了许多。同样出生在拥有近十个兄弟姐妹的大家庭里，至少他没有吃不饱、穿不暖的问题。公公在爸爸很小时就去世了，所以我从来没见过他。听说他似乎有留下一些遗产，因此孩子们的吃住还不成问题。这份微小的运气却也带来了一丝丝的不幸，长大后手足们为了仅有的田地和房屋而反目成仇，从此不相联络。爸爸没有抢到什么，也不想得到什么。记忆中他对自己的父母兄弟都绝口不提，我一直都认为在见过了人类最丑陋的一面后，爸爸开始对亲情感到失望，从而影响了他日后的人生观。

要说起我和爸爸的感情，我真的无法用文字形容。我们没什么时间或机会在一起，更加没有共同的话题。小学和中学时期我总有上不完的补习班，爸爸无论如何都会坚持开车载我上下课，绝不让我在这方面吃苦。我很肯定在他的内心深处，他是爱我们的，但也许他不知道他的所作所为在很早以前就把一个原本可以很温馨的小家庭撕裂。他并不是一个尽责的丈夫；年轻时满脑子鬼主意，异想天开的藉由赌博来发财。结果当然是惨败。他欠下了一屁股债又不愿脚踏实地地埋头工作，最后遭殃的当然是我那傻坷坷的妈妈。她 身兼多职并变卖身上所有值钱的样品以便还债。那样的生活差点把妈妈逼疯。精神衰弱的她努力的扛起一切责任，变得喜怒无常，为的就是填满那个债务的无底洞，维持一个空了心的家庭。

Q & A

今天从表妹的部落格里读到这个 Q&A 游戏，忽然觉得很好玩，所以就在这里复制了：

Q:最近最开心的事
A:家里养的两只小仓鼠越长越可爱逗趣。

Q:最伤心的事
A:老家闹得鸡犬不灵，妈妈每天都生气伤身。

Q:最生气的事
A:尝试借个耳朵倾听两方面的故事，却被一个没脑的恶心泼妇公开指责。

Q:最近关注的话题
A:如何赚大钱。

Q:最近倒霉的事
A:吃午饭时把牛油玉米倒在老板娘身上。

Q:最近看的戏
A:Family Guy

Q:最近在干什么
A:记录自己的故事。

Q:那现在有什么打算
A:赚很多钱然后开间自己的餐厅

Q:目前最大心愿
A:妈妈快乐起来。

Q:最近不爽的事
A:死八婆还是住在家里。

Q:最近最爱吃的东西
A:美基快熟面

Q:最近看到最让你觉得有道理的一句话
A:把生命意义托付在他人身上你永远快乐不起来。

Q:最近想买的东西
A:DSLR，可是没钱 (和表妹的答案一样！)

Q:最近看过的书
A:My Horizontal Life -- Chealsea Handler

Q:最近常说的口头禅
A:人与人的相处真的很难。

Q:最近暗爽的事
A:花钱买的维他命和保养品真的很有效喔！

Q:目前的理想型
A:有钱的老实人（作梦）

Q:如果你有超人力，你要做什么事？
A:把我的家人心地变好，多点包容和良心。

Q:退休后有什么梦想？
A:在西藏修行；尘归尘，土归土。

Q:最想去的国家
A:老挝

Q:如果有机会看到一个名人，你希望是谁？
A:Eminem，要他在我的屁股上签名。

Q:觉得自己哪里最有魅力？
A:乐于助人之心？

Q:最讨厌被问到的问题？
A:你打算以后要干什么？

Q:你觉得生活美满吗？
A:不错，如果妈妈没那么生气的话会是完美。

Q：最不想看到自已怎样的样子？
A：变肥失业落魄贫困。

New Year New Year!

This is the second week of year 2011. Again, we embrace another new year with open arms. Scratching our heads hard, we try to recall our accomplishment of the passed year. Most of the times, the memories just do not serve us right. Our mind went blank when recapturing. Well, at least that's what happened to me. When this has became a trend, I start taking it as a sign of aging.

I am old. When filling in forms and survey, I realised that I will have to check the column of 26-35. Some of my friends started covering the truth about their ages, refusing to show the year of birth at 'facebook' and some other public profile. I was tempted to do that for once, but 'pretending to be young' is really not my cup of tea. Thus, proudly, I told everybody that I am turning 27 this year. What's next? 30? I am not afraid as I believe that I will continue to grow and when I reach my thirty, I will gain stability in terms of my personality, career, finance, family and relationships. So, it seems like I am looking forward to that stage of life?!

Human memory is a funny mechanism. The process of storing a particular moment into our brain involves a big group system with different roles to co-operate and function accordingly. It is definitely a brain-wide procedure. Somehow, this remembrance section of my brain is facing some rather critical problem; I can hardly remember numerous specific points in time even after being reminded - the people, the faces, the conversations, the laughters and the tears... They sounded really strange to me. Perhaps, my rusty memory system is completely filled up; the capacity limit does not allow a bigger storage.Ironically, my toddlerhood memories keep coming back to me in dreams;relating the stories of my growth. Quoting the viewpoint of Annie, the artist whom I admire for bouncing back jauntily from the setback in life:" Every adult has an inner child in heart. We should acknowledge its existance and hold it in loving clasp."

In some indeterminate point of time, we get elder and more mature; we are totally independent and strong enough to support ourseleves, suddenly, we yearn for a shoulder to lean on. The feeling of being secured in the cradle and playing with teddy bear is just tantalizing. To a certain extend, I guess I can fathom the factors for some people to go crazy over paraphilic infantilism. The most tremendous experience for a mankind is when he is loved, carefree and gingerly protected by everybody in the surrounding.God, I really miss that sensation.

Anyways, let's go back to reality. Year 2010 had been a truly challenging period for me. All of my major and life-changing decisions were made in the passed year. I resigned from my previous good job, moved out from my comfort zone, pressing reset button in a foreignland, staying under the same roof with a family from different culture and social class, being assigned with another role and status, accidentally ended up working with a company that manufacture and merchandise cargo control products and last but not least, spent a lot of money to get my eyes fixed! Recapturing the experience, I break into a cold sweat, again. Not saying I am special or better than everybody out there, but, I do think that I have guts and is always spontaneous. My heart is up for any adventure and uproar in life. Try me!

I do not really have any new year resolution or passed year evaluation. As a summary, the greatest thing that happened last year was my laser eye surgery on December 24. Even though it burnt a big hole in my pocket but I never regret. I feel like I have been reborn with a new soul. My new perfect eyes with n contatc lense or glasses around is the best thing that ever happened to me! Even though I did not really like the surgeon Dr Abraham Shamman that much, but I do thank him sincerely for being professional and skillful enough to grant me with my 20/20 vision!

As for this new year, I am looking forward to achieve success at work place, going back to school and most importantly, maintain close family relationship with those I love dearly.

Wholeheartedly, I wish everybody Happy New Year. May you all work your way to your dreams.

Classes

Generally, society is formed by three level of classes: upper, middle and working class. When they are arranged in the pyramid form, the upper class will be placed right on the top, following by the middle and lower class. Like what you all can see from the system rooted in our marginalized society-- the rich remains prominenetly high but minor;the group is normally those successful entrepreneurs, senior professionals, intellectuals and sharp businessmen. Middle class is formed by diligent young woking adults who graduated from college whereas lower class is the unfortunate ones who are less educated and need to work hard, especially physically to earn money for survival.

Being born in a theoretically unpleasant family, my parents were not educated properly. Thus, I grew up as a complete working class. I could never afford any of the luxury in life no matter how hard I try. However, it doesn't really bother me too much because it is impossible for people to get all the best things in life. I was granted with an insanely devoted mother who make sure I have better opportunities. That's way more than I could ever ask for. As such, I am always thankful.

After obtaining a college degree, there are some slight improvements in terms of my monetary status. Anyhow, I am still pretty much a lower class who cannot afford a lot of unnecessary daily expenses.The cruel fact bugs me once in a while but I never thought that it will be a big deal. Working hard and live moderately have always been my motto and I really like the idea.

I don't need:

1. A humongous house with balcany, backyard, garage dan fancy interior design, situated at a high-class' area.

2. Pure breed dogs and cats that require constant maintainence and huge amount of food.

3. Elegant glasswares or tablewares and pretentious etiquette for guests during ostentatious dinner.

4. Vacation house for getaway usage.

5. Advanced technology for household chores management.

6. Big and luxury cars.

7. Grand vacations to europe.

I prefer to:

1. Live in a small but warm cubby-hole with no pretentious decorations or setting; cut down the time and hustle in maintainence.

2. Handling the basic househodl chores myself.

3. Eat on a table with no fancy glasswares and rules with close friends and family members, mainly serving some unhealty food and homely meals that made by my own parents without having to follow any restrictions in behaving.

4. Not having to use stupid washer and dryer that ruin my cheap but nice-looking clothes.

5. Have ample of spaces for me to hang my hand-washed clothes and spaces to store my stuff according my own rules of organization.

6. Not having carpet and wood furnitures in the house or anything pretentious that will store grease and smell of cooking.

7. Have my own kitchen with the storage of numerous Chinese/Asian food that are 'poisonous' but easy to fix and delicious to consume.

8. Go on cheap but enjoyable budgeted holiday trips.

9. Just freaking be left alone and not being forced to act like an 'upper-class' because I am not fucking from the caste of 'Brahmin'. I was raised as 'Pariah', I squat down and do my business in the bathroom and I am happy to remain that way.

10. Be myself and don't give a fuck about what others think.

Ironically, I remember last time when I was a teacher in class, I discussed the social classes topic with my fellow students. The result of the discussion in that tutorial: peopel should only marry and interact 'among' their social class in order to have a permanent relationship".

As the leader of the discussion who elaborated on the mentioned topic, I failed to act upon my belief.

I am not born with a golden spoon in my mouth; it is pointless to feed me with one right now. Ugly duckling turns into elegant swan story only occurs in fairy tale.

A&C

I hailed from Planet C; you come from Planet A.

We decided to unite, residing at Planet A. But, that doesn't change the fact that I am from Planet C.

You want me to live in Planet A, think like people in Planet A, just like the way you do, refusing to even get to know Planet C. You think that everybody should live like you and you rolled your eyes seeing others living their life in a different way. You think that your way is the right way, others are just being ridiculous.

You are just hiding under a big well, seeing the world underneath the well.

You will have to take the responsibility;you are no longer a kid or a prince from your lala highclass land.

Grow up before you lose everything.

Trick/Treat?

"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"

This is definitely not my first Halloween. However, this is the first time I get to experience the celebration, by carving my very first Jack-o'-lantern. Look at the one at the first left. That's my piece of art work. Please don't be too critical! This is my first trial!

Then, we put candles inside the pumpkins, light them on... Gentle and moderate light radiates warmth in the darkness...I love this scene.

Finally, 'trick or treat' night, we must have a big bowl of candies ready for the kiddies in costumes. Ok, I have to admit that my lantern looked childish and silly. But, who cares?! They functioned well by showing little Batmen, Spidermen, Supermen, Zombies and Princesses the way to get their treats!

So I guess, mission completed! Happy Halloween! :p

Family tree

Supposedly, majority of the living creatures in this universe are created by two parties, which are named 'parents'and at the same time, being raised by at least one of them before gaining the ability of independence.

Comparing to other species, humans are more fortunate as they are given the brilliance to set up a more structured system -- 'family' in the process of supporting one another, both mentally and physically. Though, not all them are showered with real happiness;numerous of the unlucky ones are constantly taken over by clouds and rolling darkness.

Of course, living itself is a humongous obstacle that we will have to deal with;but, if you are blessed with a pair of folks who are loving and devoted, it is more likely for your life to be filled with laughters, especially when facing difficulties. In short, joy only co-exists with parents and pure dedication.

I do not really belong to the auspicious group. My chilhood memories were formed by the puzzle pieces of sadness. Anyhow, I was still favored by fortune to a certain extend, for being born as my wonderful mom's daughter. Her big heart and selfless love sheltered my brother and I from the agony of the tough living situation. Her classic motherly smile always shone in the sunlight, radiating with the magical power to turn things alright.

Somehow, life is treating me really well and occasionally, I really do not think that I deserve that. My mother is my favourite person in this planet but sadly, I am really far away from her at the moment, nonethelss, I am granted with two kind souls that treat me like the way they treat their offspring. I must have done a great deal of benevolence at my previous life to be able to be bestowed with this kind of relationship.

Let me introduce my second most favourite parents in life: Douglas and Eva.
Thank you for everything. The scent of the chicken broth and apple sauce and also the concern I have gotten still linger in my mind. I am really happy to be accepted as part of the family. If we describe family as a tree, parents will be the strong root that provide and support the plant in growing strong.

In spite of that, I have a simple and direct definition of family:

F- Father
A- And
M- Mother
I- I
L- Love
Y- You

26

A blind man may sometimes hits the mark; a stopped clock is correct twice a day. Occassionaly, it is good to act like a sightless person as a perfect vision and proper deliberation do not guarantee a fruitful outcome.

I am a timid woman who detests changes. Ironically, in spite of my hatred towards uncertainties, I seem to be born with the destiny to deal with all the unpredictabilities in life. Well, come to think about it, this is probably the result from the path I have chosen. When you choose the path less travelled by, you will have to expect a wild wild adventure.

I have turned 26 last September this year. The numbers sound strange for me as I have lost track of time ever since I turned 23 three years ago. A friend asked me on my birthday celebration this year: "Now you are 26 years old, do you regret the absent and the loss of your early twenties or actually look forward to what and where you are going to be when you turn 30 four year later?"

"30, of course. It's good to be youthful, though the pain of growing up is something that I never want to repeat. I am glad to be who I am today and totally working towards becoming a better human being as I get older. " I replied. An answer which hailed from the bottom of my heart.

The year of 2010 is ending. Personally, I like to do the countdown by referring to the season and festivals. This is the month of October, we are going to have Halloween on 31st. Then, Thanksgiving is coming in autumn, at the month of november. Lastly, the last month of the year, December, Hanukkah and Christmas celebrations will wrap up the year. There goes 2010, Goodbye! Hopefully, the new year will be better!

Anyhow, this year is kind of an interesting one for me. Major changes all took place at the same time. I was over whelming and suffocating . I am still coping and adapting but obviously, there are some obvious progress. In life, we have so much to learn;identifying the goal and striving towards it is the only way to avoid disorientation. Somehow, I am blessed as when I got lost, I have a guider to show me the light, at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, I am thankful for that.

First time in my life, I live my life for myself. Regardless of what others have to say, I am happy with my decision, so far. There are uncountables obstacles and predicaments coming in a long run, eveyrbody can forsee them. However, faith can really move moutains. There are ways to walk through the problems rather than avoiding or running way from them, as long as you put your heart into it.

Many years later, I am pretty sure that I will still brim over with joy, recapturing this decision, even if it fails because at least I have done my best to fight for it, instead of shilly-shallying, worrying about the outcome and allow the fear or 'what if' to stop me.

That will be a major regret that I never ever want to have. I adhere to my principle; I am proud about that.

Briskly, cheers for life, hurray.

泡泡

昨天下午，忙完了生活上的琐碎事，我悠闲的拿了派对后剩下的肥皂泡泡到后花园去，对着西下的太阳吹起了泡泡。

简单的肥皂泡泡游戏可是我孩童时期最爱。每当路经商场，我总会拼命的求妈妈买一瓶；当然很多时候都不能得逞，但偶尔母亲大人心情好而又有一些剩下的零钱时我还是会得到一小瓶。小小的我那一刻的心情总是雀跃不已，非笔墨所能形容。

连串成堆的泡泡被夏风吹起，大大小小的在橙黄的夕阳下飞舞；一颗颗看似透明的小圆球微微的泛着亮丽的彩虹颜色，和反射着玻璃窗的光芒交织出戏剧化的场景。就在那一刹那，我看见了七岁的我和相差一岁的表妹及邻居像蝴蝶一般的在花丛间追逐、时而停下吹起手中的泡泡…时而不知所云的哈哈大笑！童年的快乐真的只是在弹指间垂手可得。

犹记得庸懒的星期天早上，爸爸总会在刷牙前挤牙膏时把我叫到跟前，让我吹起在牙膏口管上冒起的小泡泡。还在上幼儿园的我总会异常兴奋，第一时间冲上去，小心翼翼的把牙膏泡泡吹移至空中，看着它慢慢飞动，然后露出没有门牙的傻笑。在旁的爸爸看着我，嘴角总是往上扬。

窝心温暖的感觉就只是那么一瞬间。它们就像廉价的美丽泡泡，当你正开始景仰那一刻的美丽；它们就在空中破裂、化为乌有。

很多时候，幸福真的只是泡泡，如同幻影━漂亮却捉摸不定。如果没有捉紧时机欣赏，一切都会立即消失不见。很想问一句，没有努力捕捉那一刻的泡泡，你有后悔吗？

就算有，悔过真的已经来不及了吧？

?

Vows. I wonder what they mean.

SeeYou

I am gone, again. Bye bye! But, I'll be back!!

吴哥窟

五月中旬去了一趟柬埔寨，目睹了世界古老的七大建筑奇观之一 ━ 吴哥窟。从没想过会有机会到此一游，机缘巧合之下来到这里，发觉身边的一物一景都美得不像话。随手一拍，忍不住捕下了近千张照片。当然，我不会把所有的图像放上来，随意的挑了很少的几张来和朋友分享、顺便记录这个非凡的心灵之旅。

十二世纪的建筑和文化自然奇特得不在话下。它的美，沧桑得有些诡异，真的让人有一点无法想象。至于那市中之人更是带给了我很多启发性的思想。对于我来说，这仿佛是一场生命探索的旅程。旧时代的人们崇尚神明，认为他们主宰了生命的一切，因而用尽了一生来奉献、膜拜。这些惊人的建筑和雕刻是最好的证明。精致万变的女神雕刻处处可见，但是，此行最大的收获是发现了原来幸运的人儿身边都有一位女神来守候保护他们━ 这位是我的幸运女神，你找到你的了吗？

最后在这里小小的介绍这间非一般的民宿，若要有一个不同于旅客的经验，就尝试让它来帮你当一回起步的自由旅者吧！你不会后悔的哦！

Sunset

Before checking-out from school completely, I would like to upload this post from my personal office, for the very last time. This is my last chance to sit here and type. I want to mark this moment down, place it as part of my memory in life. It is sad but this is the time to say goodbye.

I will depart with a big smile and thankful heart...Thank you for everything... Thank you.

老师

你有没有遇过那种让你一辈子都不会忘记的良师？

读了这么多年的书，我知道肯真正为学生献身的老师犹如凤毛麟角，但，我却很庆幸自己在求学生涯中还是很幸运地巧遇了一些真的对我人生很有启发的老师；对此，我仍旧抱着一颗感恩的心。特别是在投身于大专教育这一行后，我发现了各种不为人知的荒谬黑暗处后更了解到好的老师真的是可遇不可求。所以，如果你在人生的阶段中曾遇见那么一位有意思的长辈，我真的要说这位客官您可走运了！

我并不伟大，也不是什么会为学生出生入死的老师；很多时候还很懒惰，批改数百份考卷和作业时常常会很想大哭一场、然后再把课业撕掉。可是，我一直把自己想象成一个无助的学生，把角色调换来思考学生所需。我并不是说我比其他人厉害，只是我有限的人生经验教会了我将心比心、己所不欲，务施予人的道理。所有生物共处于一个地球、吸同样的氧气；这世上没有谁比谁优越的道理。

就像你们所说的：这真的是一个很沉重的再见。但是，很无奈，人生就是由很多不同的 “嗨，你好！”和 “拜拜” 组成的。在你们忙着谢谢我的当儿，我要感谢你们教会了我很多课业外的东西、造就了我美好的金宝回忆。

我以老师的身份要你们给我好好读书，考个上等文凭；更以益友的身份要你们多多保重。你们一定会有一个比我还要璀璨的未来。

First Time

First Punjabi suit in life, it was tailor-made and definitely not cheap but I really like it.

I may not look good in it but screw that! As long as I am happy with it, I guess that's enough!

Thanks Juejun for bringing me to this shop at Ipoh. :-)

贱兔拖鞋

这是我人生中的第一双卧房拖鞋，购买于二零零三年的三月或四月。实际的日期我忘了，只记得这是我第一次离家求学、入住校舍时妈妈给我买的。

我家总和贫穷摆脱不了关系，第一年的先修班不能借钱，我又坚持不上中六、不削国立大学，妈妈因此而头疼不已。她东奔西跑想破脑袋去筹我第一期的学费，我忘了她去向谁借钱了，不过在一番辛苦后她总算借到了第一学期的钱，当时真的有一种饥寒交迫的感觉。但是，不懂事的我竟还和朋友逛街，买了一些无聊的小玩意而惹怒了妈妈因此而被骂得狗血淋头。现在回想起来我真该死！

之后准备行李搬迁去吉隆坡，妈妈又花了一笔钱买了好多必需品，在百货公司里，走在她身后的我突然瞧见这双可爱但要价近三十零吉的卧房拖鞋顿时停下脚步看了一会儿。敏感的妈妈发现后就问我是不是喜欢想买，我摇了摇头直说太贵了。她二话不说取了贱兔走向柜台还钱。

那一年，年纪不到十八岁的我在文良港念着大学先修班，初次离家再加上三百六十度的生活转变压得我透不过气；软弱无助的我终日郁郁寡欢，上完课后只要一回到宿舍关上房门我总会很没用的独自流泪。记忆中，滚烫的泪水连串滑落时我的脚上总是紧紧地被这双贱兔拖鞋包裹着；泪水汪汪的眼睛盯着白白胖胖的兔仔，心里挂念的是远在家乡的妈妈。

度过了极不快乐的一年，课程完毕后我带着贱兔拖鞋随着其他同学搬迁至繁忙的八打灵闹市正式升级为大学生。由于开始适应了游子生活，也有了一些比较合得来的朋友，接下来的三年过得还算不赖，但是我浓重的思家之情还是挥之不去。只要稍微一得闲我就会飞也似的奔向我最恨的富都车站乘搭快巴回家；哪怕只是少过四十八小时的周末我也照回不务。

是的，当时的我一直希望可以永远贴在妈妈身边，感觉那一份温暖无私的亲情，就是那么的简单。

在像流星一般闪过的大学生涯里我仍旧日日穿着我的贱兔拖鞋，并定时每两个月清洗一次、细细的呵护。毕业后我带着它回家，妈妈嚷着我把它丢了，我抵死不从，洗干净后好好的放入抽屉收藏起来。接着我突发奇想，启程远渡重洋的流放，拖鞋依旧乖乖的呆在原位两年。这期间，我和它分开了多于十万里路；心，漂流在太平洋。妈妈最需要我的时候，我浑然不知，那么差一点的就要愧疚终生。

两年后，我以败者的形态归来，休息一阵就收拾行李、携带着被忽略了两年的贱兔独自上首都工作，三个月内又只身北上，投入另一份行业。间中，贱兔拖鞋一直紧随着我。

屈指算来已经七年，我的贱兔拖鞋早已松弛变宽、无法紧紧包围我的双脚了。我还是无法狠下心来把它扔掉，妈妈重重的关怀我无法丢弃。在我很小很小的时候，妈妈喜欢和我一起做剪报。我们从‘南洋学生’里选择文章剪下、贴在厚厚的剪贴簿里。她会坐在我身旁对识字有限的我细细朗读文章，印象最深的是一篇叫“爸爸的草鞋” 的作文。作者在结尾终结：

“爸爸的草鞋是船，它承载了我们的喜悦与悲伤。”

现在想了一想，我倒想说：

“妈妈的贱兔拖鞋是家，无论身在何方，它都用爱将我包围。”

我已独立长大，不可能永远待在妈妈身边。假若我即将再远行，这一次我会把拖鞋带走，但把心留下。

我的心会守候我生命中最重要的人，不会再让历史重演。

The Road Not Taken

I learned about this poem back in high school's English literature class. For some unknown reasons, I was totally fascinated by it. I would like to dedicate this to my dear friend, Lampfly who is going to set off for another journey in life.

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

*No matter where you are, I always keep you in my prayer and sincerely wish you all the best..

捕梦网

近来一直被噩梦骚扰，很难才可以睡个好觉。梦境中反复见到很多不好的人和事，导致起床时昏昏沉沉的，心情极差。

恶梦是人类潜意识里的讯息，你的担忧与恐慌都会化成黑暗的录影片，在你夜晚睡着时于脑海里播放、尽情的用你最害怕的结果来折磨你；让你即害怕又疲惫。

素来，我都很喜欢各类民族的文化传说，印第安人血淋淋的被压迫历史至今仍紧紧的揪着我的五脏六腑；但是， 有关于捕梦网的 故事却不断的为我带来丝丝的浪漫味道。

我床前的捕梦网没法帮我夜夜捉住美梦，也没有保护我免受恶梦袭击，但是我还是习惯在临睡前看看它，总相信自己会一夜好梦、翌日心神舒畅。

捕梦网终究只是 一个 美丽的符号，心灵上的健全往往才是赶走夜魔的良方。