Phobia

(picture taken from-http://www.discoverchiropractichawaii.com/_layout/car-accident.jpg)

When I was browsing through some websites this afternoon, I accidentally caught the picture above in one particular site. Immediately, I saved it without hesitation. That's the picture, exactly the one, which has been preoccupying my mind, when I am driving on the road.

I got my license in year 2003 and I never drove since then. I have been trying to master the skill of driving these few weeks due to the requirement of the program. I drove my brother's and my friend's car whenever I have the chance to do so. But man, it's hard. It's really hard, it's not in my blood. I don't have a gene in driving.

In my whole life, I seldom really worry about things as I always believe that once I brace up myself to make the first step, I will be fine. But, that's bullshit. If you are having that kind of phobia in your heart, it's truly hard to get rid of it. I have the picture in head every time I am driving on the road. My heart would pound and sometimes I would be in the state of blank when I am driving.

God, I am really retarded in driving. I can memorize all the theories in text books, I am able to work on my assignments and thesis under pressure in great speed. I have overcomed the greatest challenge I ever had during my intership but I just couldn't chase away my fear in driving.

Well, I have to admit that there are some improvement after times of practising but there are so many uncivilized nerds who do not know the rules on road. They speed and they honked at you ruthlessly when they couldn't cut your way whilst the traffic is maximal. They blame you for driving at such a low speed. Come on, I am not a great driver who is able to cut here and there. In addition, the roads were narrow, and the traffic was bumper to bumper. Following the rules, please...If you are rushing your way to the hell, don't drag others along with you!

My brother asked me to bang others' cars and then die together with them as I was truly an idiot in driving at the very first time he guided me on the road. He was mean but I think he makes sense. I was such a hopeless moron for him. By the way, Yong also acting harsh on me whenever he guides me. He never yelled at me before that now, he has been doing that from time to time when he is sitting beside me in his Wira.

I am such a failure and I sobbed helplessly for my handicap. The phobia haunted me so deeply. How can I get rid of it? Help me please. I have to improve my skill, or else, I won't be able to fulfil my dream and realise my plan!

GOSH! I need some help!