The Poem

I’m thinking…

I’m thinking of you right now…
Wondering when and why and how.
The wind will bring the rain
The sun will harvest the rice grain
And fate will bring us back again.

I’m thinking of you as one person
Who makes my heart so painful
My life so lonesome…
By solely passing words of love, joy and hope
But never meaning them
Thus bringing to my heart
Only hate, agony and despair…

I’m thinking of moments you touched my lips
Those moments…I cried myself to sleep.
Why must you be so out of hand?
I’m thinking and thinking…
Will this doubt of mine come to an end?
Will the hope of seeing you again
Lost forever like the innumerable sand?

(Writer: Florence Ng)

Obviously, I am not the writer of the above poem. Come on, I am not a very poetic person, even though I do enjoy reading some of them. :P By the way, don’t ask me who is that Florence girl (maybe not that appropriate to address her as a ‘girl’ right now: p). I don’t know her at all. In fact, the poem is one of my aunt’s collections when she was in her teenage years!

Yes, it is a kind of ‘historical’ verse as my aunt cut them from newspapers or magazines and pasted them in a thick book when she was in her 16 or 17. Yes, it all took place in 1970’s; while she was in her youthful golden age…The old book is decorated with beautiful pictures and a teenage girl’s naïve but romantic remarks… How times flies… she is approaching her 45 years old at the coming year. The pages in the book have turned into yellow colour papers; they are not excluded from the process of aging and growing, too. Though, when my aunt passed me her precious book which entitled ‘Poetry Page’ since she knew that I love verse-reading about eight years ago, I realised that she actually handed her priceless reminiscences to me. Perhaps, I was a teenager, seeing me growing reminding her of her young and insouciance moments…

I am sure that everyone has gone through an enormous transformation both mentally and physically during their teenage years. Many people regard adolescence as a difficult painful phase. This can be proven through the movie I watched two days ago, ‘Mean Creek’ ( it’s an independent movie, I guess that very few people on this earth would spare their time and money to watch this category of film :*# ) The story centred at six teenagers who are rebellion, and in anger due to their uncertainties at that moment in life. As for me, adolescence is kinda interesting even though I appeared as a misanthrope mankind. The craziest idea I had when I was 14 was to shave my hair entirely! I don’t know why but I just wanted to do it so my best pal and I went to a barber, making the decision to shave our hair together. Sadly, my friend suddenly pulled back her promise in the process of waiting for our turns. I was angry but I realised that I couldn’t be the only bald head in my school so I backed off, too. At last, we cut our hair short, leaving only two to three inches of them on our scalps. We got to gel and style them everyday, making sure that every single hair stood up ‘neatly’ and ‘coolly’ on our head! :P

In fact, the poem above focuses at the turmoil of being betrayed or dumped by a lover. It is not really unique but I really feel that it suits the thinking and feeling of a teenager. Which girl doesn’t dream in their teens? All of us were longing for a prince charming and indulging in the illusion of being loved and being abandoned at the same time, every minute, every hour and everyday. That’s why; poem like ‘I’m Thinking’ could touch our hearts easily. It was extremely appealing to a sensitive emotion and fragile heart of a teenage girl. The story of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, ‘Cinderella’ and other idiotic ever after stories could ‘kill’ us easily, when we were so young and innocent. That’s the reason for Chloe to had a serious crush on Leonardo Dicaprio after watching ‘Titanic’ in year 1998. :*$ frankly speaking, I was even worse. I carried ‘torches’ upon all sorts of boy bands like: ‘BSB’, ‘Human Nature’, ‘Boyzone’, ‘Take That’, ‘N’sync’, ‘Five’, ‘Handson’, ‘O’ Town’, ‘911’, ‘MLTR’, ‘Moffats’ and many more. The list would go on and on because I would ‘fall in love’ very easily after watching somebody appear as my ‘dream guy’ on screen. (Hey, don’t laugh at me; I know you had that type of stupid action before, too! Yeah!) I would even shed down tears after listening to some songs, which seemed to be too ‘touching’ and ‘true’ to me.( I guess I was totally and completely hopeless! :P)

After all, whenever you recapture the passing years; you would be surprised at how much you have grown. Some sorts of dreams must be buried in your memory as they only belong to the particular period of time. Keep them at a secret corner of your mind, and unlock them once in blue moon. The remembrances would come sudden and swirled, each coloured with its own season…that will be a time, for you to look back your golden years in your life and think of them from a distance as a whole…

That’s the reason for my aunt to keep those poems, which remains as an awesome key to youthful age. She gave me her dreams, I learned to dream, until I realised that a dream is a relic of my chimera, which you could only capture in a fog.