捕梦网

近来一直被噩梦骚扰，很难才可以睡个好觉。梦境中反复见到很多不好的人和事，导致起床时昏昏沉沉的，心情极差。

恶梦是人类潜意识里的讯息，你的担忧与恐慌都会化成黑暗的录影片，在你夜晚睡着时于脑海里播放、尽情的用你最害怕的结果来折磨你；让你即害怕又疲惫。

素来，我都很喜欢各类民族的文化传说，印第安人血淋淋的被压迫历史至今仍紧紧的揪着我的五脏六腑；但是， 有关于捕梦网的 故事却不断的为我带来丝丝的浪漫味道。

我床前的捕梦网没法帮我夜夜捉住美梦，也没有保护我免受恶梦袭击，但是我还是习惯在临睡前看看它，总相信自己会一夜好梦、翌日心神舒畅。

捕梦网终究只是 一个 美丽的符号，心灵上的健全往往才是赶走夜魔的良方。

If only I could

Yeah, we can never turn back time. But sometimes, some people, some buildings, some memories just wouldn't stop bugging your mind...

If only I could turn back time, I would have one more 'Chicken Teriyaki Bowl' at my favourite Japanese restaurant. This will remain as a dream forever, the restaurant was sold to some Koreans since few years back.

Shigon Tairo, you are the best sushi master and boss ever, whom I will remember for life. Thank you, and I miss you, I really do.

Insane Trivia

Trivial incidents that occurred during tutorial classes recently.

*********************************************
#1

One minute before the presentation of her communication research proposal...

Student A: Miss, I want to inform you that I didn't include the section of 'Literature Review' into the proposal.

Me: Why? Are you planning to just explain it verbally during your oral presentation?

Student A: No, I don't know what is 'Literature Review' and I don't know how to do this, so i didn't include that part.

Me: Do you know that that section occupies 10 marks in total? If you don't include that, I will need to mark you '0' at that section. Why you didn't ask if you don't know since the beginning of the class like week 1? This is week 7 already! You just realised that you don't understand 'Literature Review' few minutes before your presentation? When you start writing your research proposal? This morning?!

Student A: No, not this morning. I started yesterday night...

Me: Have you ever attended my class? I have been teaching you all about this since week 1. I circulated the samples, outlines and important handouts. You witnessed your friends' presentations and heard my comments at all?

Student A: (silent*Looking at me idiotically)

Me: So, how can I help you? What you expect from me? I can't give you any mark if you don't provide this part. You are going to fail in this assignment for sure. Do you want a second chance?

Student A: (silent*Looking like a total retard)

Me: Ok, I will give you one more day for your assignment then. If you are able to submit another complete copy tomorrow morning, before 10.30am, I will mark you solely base on the new one, pretending that I never receive this assignment today.

Student A: (expression changed dramatically) HuuuHHHhhhhhhhhh.... Miss, that means I have to work on it today and then submit it by tomorrow morning?! Too rush!

Me: ... Anyways, if I don't receive anything new from you tomorrow morning, I will mark you according to this proposal and you are going to fail.

****************************************
#2

After two oral presentations, I was confirming with the students about the number of presenters and the total number of assignments that I was supposed to receive. Then, suddenly...

Student B: Miss, in fact, I am supposed to present today but I didn't know it until the beginning of today's class so I cannot present or submit anything today.

Me: What?! Why?! What happened?!

Student B: I don't know. My friend never told me about that so I didn't know about that until just now.

Me: This is week 7 already! The sequence and date for presentation was fixed since week 1. Everybody received a copy of the name list at week 2 and now you are telling me that you know nothing about it at week 7, right on the day you are supposed to submit your assignment and do your presentation?!

Student B: I really don't know, my friend never told me. I attended all of your classes...

Me: So it's not your fault for not knowing things that are going on in class, your friends will have to bear the responsibility for not informing you about your own due date for assignment?

Student B: ... Can I present next week?

Me: If you want a second chance, I can only allow you to present at other course's tutorial class as there's a schedule that must be followed. So, next Monday, 8am at this venue, if you were late or don't show up, I will fail you right away.

Student B: Ok...

*********************************************
#3

Three hours before my next research method class, I was getting the documents ready in my office. Two students were knocking at my door...

Me: Yes, may I help you?

Student C&D: We are coming to see if Miss has time to check our proposal for us, we are not sure about the points that we have included.

Me: Sure. (*start checking, commenting and guiding them in writing their proposals)

Student C&D: So we only have Introduction and research questions right now, the rest of the three chapters we are not sure what to include, can you please give us some guidance?

Me: Sure. (Explaining to them what are the important areas and points that they will have to include and elaborate). You all will have a lot to work on then, when will be your presentation? I hope not this week because you all will need a lot of time to write the following chapters and also make the relevant amendments.

Student C&D: Actually, we will present at Miss' next class, after three hours.

Me: What?! Then how are both of you going to do this? Skip your next class and just simply insert some irrelevant points inside? Why do thing last minute?!

Student C&D: We are going to skip the next lecture for other subject and try to work on this proposal. We have just came back from East Malaysia from Chinese New Year holiday yesterday so was too tired to do assignment yesterday.

Me: (WTF) Good luck and see you all in class then.

********************************************
#4

I was sitting in the office, scratching my head hard, thinking about the mid-term test questions at week 9. My cell phone rang, I received a text message --

"Miss, are you free to talk now? I want to tell you that I cannot finish my assignment on time and I think I won't be able to submit the proposal and do the presentation later in class."

Immediately, my heart sank. I was pissed. No reply being sent for that ridiculous message. After one hour, *knock*knock.

Me: Yes, what can I do for you.

Student E: (*looking embaressed) Miss, I sent you a text message a moment ago, have you received it?

Me: Guess so. So what you want to tell me?

Student E: I haven't complete my assignment, I cannot submit it by today and I won't be able to present later in class.

Me: Why?

Student E: Because I do things at very last minute. To be honest, I started writing the proposal only yesterday night and there are a lot of parts and information that I don't get. I cannot do it.

Me: Why you only do it last minute? Your friends do not have this problem, they handed in their assignment before the due date. What's your problem? You been busy with something else lately?

Student E: No, I am not really busy, nothing much going on in my life. My friends are not as lazy as me. I don't know what happens to me this semester, I don't have the mood to study and I cannot focus at all, this is entirely my fault and I can blame nobody. I am a procrastinator and I have to bear the consequence.

Me: Ok, so what you want me to do?

Student E: I wonder if you will allow me to present next week in class? I don't mind if you deduct 50% of my marks because this is my fault. I am just asking for a chance to submit my assignment.

Me: hmmm. Ok, how about that? This coming Thursday I have another research method class. If your time table allowed and you can make it on time, I will allow you to present. I won't make things hard for you by deducting 50% percent of the mark, I don't think you will have a lot of marks for me to minus after all. It sounds fair for you?

Student E: (*hesitates)Yeah, but it doesn't sounds fair for you, Miss.

Me: You are a student, still, so I give you another opportunity. If you are working right now, probably you will get fired. I just want you to not repeating this type of mistake later in life.

Student E: Thanks, Miss...

********************************************************

Around 4 years of gap in age, but gigantic difference in terms of attitude. Generation gap?! What's the roots of the problem? Parents? Friends? School? Society? Media?

Totally insane!

Though, I kind of like student E in someways, at least he admitted his mistake and showed his regrets. He had the guts to take the responsibility and bear the ramification of his action.

There are hopes, maybe!

二零一零年

姗姗来迟的二零一零年第一篇博文：

一张全家福， 恭贺各界新年快乐、万事如意~！

虎年行大运！

Bad Joke

Out of the blue, I miss this somebody. Even though he has serious rage issues but when his emotion is stable, he can be really sweet and loving. He once told me a kindergarten level joke, which was really retarded. However for some reasons, at that moment, I laughed until my entire heart jumping out of my mouth.

He asked me, "What peanut butter says to a bag of hazel nuts?"

Me, "What? 0_o. Don't know."

He replied," You are all NUTS!!"

Me,"(hysterical laughing for 2 minutes)."

He can be a real sweetheart sometimes, using his tardo's way.

Hey you! Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year...

Dreamland Avatar

Avatar, it was a beautiful incident in that magical afternoon. Three hours in the theater, my eyes were badly burnt as a result from the unconscious abnormal cut down of blinking. Those were the moments in life where you did not feel like letting any 0.1 seconds to slide out of your vision, as each of the tiny little time-scale carried incredibly breathtaking pictures that you will never want to miss.

18th December 2009.

I thought Avatar was just another typical Hollywood movie with the excessive use of special effects and commercialized idiotic "fighting aliens" kind of cliche story line to attract the marginalized member of the society. Though, part of my heart still kept the hopes up as Avatar was written and directed by the gifted movie master, James Cameron. He created the "Terminator" and "Titanic" legend, which is irreplaceable in all humans' history.

After the three spectacular hours, I shall say that the self-proclaimed 'King of the World' made it again; he utilized the advancement of 3D technology to invent an enthralling fantasy planet for the viewers world wide, sending them off to a captivating journey that we secretly hope would last forever.

The plot remains simple- A group of ruthless and greedy people craved for the pricey mineral that could only be found at the planet outer space,'Pandora'. However, there was this aggressive native alien species, Omaticayan that occupied the area. Scientists successfully cloned the 'Avatar' of themselves, mixing with humans and the native DNA so that they could link to the 'Avatar' and breathe at the planet of 'Pandora'. They tried to gain the trust of the natives for different reasons. Scientist, Grace wanted to study the ecosystem of the mysterious planet whereas the representative of the Resources Development Administration, Parker and the colonel, Miles tried to determine the strategy to deal with the locals so that they would move and allow the humans to snatch their mineral. Jake, the soldier who lost his legs in war was chosen to replace his deceased scientist brother, Tom owing to the necessity of matching DNA , to connect with Tom's Avatar. Then, Jake travelled in and out two worlds, learning about Omaticayan, seeing the forest from the native's eyes, went through a soul-searching experience, fell in love with the sexy Na'vi princess and the mother nature.

I do not intend to write a review or comment about this film or the acting, as there are millions of professional movie critics have done that already. I am just an amateur blogger and movie-goer who is totally under the Avatar's spell and is driven by the urge to jot down this piece of feeling. Cameron was meticulous in his presentation of the fairyland, 'Pandora'. According to Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman created by Gods. She was always curious so one of the Gods decided to test her by giving her a jar which was beautiful but evil, something that was forbidden to be opened. But, She could not resist her strong curiosity; she opened the jar and releasing all the evils of mankind.

Avatar's Pandora was as seductive as the Pandora's box. Everybody would be tempted to open the enchanting cover even being warned about the potential risks well in advance. It was like a real wonderland that we always dream about at night. We all have this little fairy-like space that we would like to be in but we could never reach. We cannot even picture it out as such a dreamland never existed on earth before;this is completely out of human's ability. Hence, this piece in our heart was clearly presented by Cameron, this wizard with his magical hat brought us the brand new kind of "Alice in the Wonderland" experience.

The fairyland unveiled the evil side of mankind. Selfish people destroyed the native's homeland to rob the resources. The greatest irony was how Na'vi people were labelled as 'savages' by Parker as they were not educated and leading tribal-based life. How about those so-called 'civilized' humans who intrude others' land, killing billions of life, destructed the entire region and nature, just to steal and exploit the minority. Isn't it something that never stops happening ever since the begining of our great 'civilization'?

Pandora was a wonderland. In the fantasy, everything that we wish for can be true. Jake was able to walk, run, fly and even appeared as the hero who saved the entire nation of Omaticayan, despite the fact that he was paralyzed in human's world. He was blessed enough to be brought to Pandora, experiencing the real humanity with real loving people. Since Jake's fantasy became real, of course he would choose to stay in it, who will be able to refuse this kind of offer?

Sadly, the dreamland soley belongs to the movie. The ugliness of mankind remains inevitable in real life. That might be one of the reasons for people like us to pay willingly, even for more than once, just to imagine the "running through forest, the wind in my head and the sand at my feet" kind of careless and free life in the dark dreamy space.

Sometimes, it is really depressing to know that we only have rights to dream when we sleep at night.

闲想

近期手头上没有工作，我顿时从上学期的焦头烂额状况速降成现在的绝对无所事事。说实在的，我是真的很不习惯这么黑与白的极端。同样闲暇的同事们则不亦乐乎的投身于自己的兴趣﹑旅行与计划工作； 我却因为先前的失算而僵持在原状，持续地在这里徘徊，浪费生命。套一句老话：还真的是“人算不如天算”。

人只要一得闲，思绪就会跑得很远。就这么不经意的，脑海出现了前所未有的七级大地震﹑激烈的震荡翻起了远古时候的记忆。仿佛爬着无止尽的梯级，我想起了两岁时小小的我偷偷地踮起脚尖，望着在摇篮中熟睡的表妹。再往上踩多几层，我看到了在幼儿园上课，体弱多病的我，不断盯着在窗外等待我考试完毕领我去看医生的妈妈。记忆不断衍生，我好像回到了小学那个爱欺负同学的年代。接着是初中、高中﹑大学﹑流浪漂泊以及正式上班的日子。回忆一飘不过是几分钟的时间，真正的人生一晃却是二十五年。假若有幸活至七十岁，我已走过了多过三分之一的人生。这么一路走来，虽然还算有幸运星的庇护，但也绝不容易。经过了重重阻挠，我猛踩着数不尽的过错与无知，慢慢把自己扶上正轨。

那天无意间读到了一位我喜欢作者的文章， 她说道：

“如果听到陈年旧事在背后喊你的时候，也别真的回头看。这些无论是否开心事还是令你生气的事、不管是不是属于能令你懊恼的事还是能够让你笑的事，总之过去的就算了。如果真的回头望，看到了平静那还好；万一看到了自己之前的无知笨拙肤浅不成熟愚蠢丑陋黑暗自私无聊不堪的一面时，自己无法相信无法接受自己，可能还得即刻出钱出力，找个地洞钻找个医生整容或找张机票有那么远就躲到那么远去，别继续留在此地丢人现眼...”

我真的有所共鸣。

对于我来说，人生最困难的事不外乎是卸下责任，忘记不堪的从前原谅自己。

笨过也就算了，错的人与事就把它们抛在脑后，用未来烧了算。 剩下不到三分之二的生命不要再重犯旧误才好。

Two Films, One Theme

'Hito ga hito o ai suru koto no dôshiyô mo nasa'(Left) and 'Downloading Nancy' (Right), two different films produced at different years and different countries by different directors in different languages, instinct with a lot of similarities indeed.

The former was directed by Takashii Ishii, the Japanese master of erotic film whereas the first time swedish film director, Johan Renck completed the latter award-winning movie while 'successfully' created uproar during Sundance Film Festival last year. Both of the movies are controversial as they told the stories through the pictorial of twisted BDSM relationships, which is always a taboo subject in this conventional society.

'Hito go hito' shines as the astonishing female actress, Mai Kitajima who played the role of 'Nami Tsuchiya' in the movie radiating with her incredible charm and magical performing skill that are truly tantalizing. The plot revolves around the famous Japanese actress, Nami and her actor husband who abused her mentally besides filing for divorce after hooking up with another young and sexy actress. The movie highlighted Nami mental transformation and the way her marriage drove her emotion off to the edge of the cliff. Her soul was lost in searching of genuine affection, attention and love, which was actually an urge that was never fulfilled. Many viewers were commenting that there were excessive portrayal of fetishistic and S&M actions in the film that made it nothing more than a shallow and unrealistic pretentious pornography. To a certain extend, I agree with the statement but to those extreme haters out there, that's Takashii Ishii, what do you expect? That's his trademark! If you want him to minimize eroticism, that will be like asking Steven Spielberg to stop his consistent references to World War2 in his movies and eliminating his frequent usage of powerful flashlights in dark scene, it doesn't make sense!

Winning the 'Best Music' award at Stockholm Film Festival 2008, 'Downloading Nancy' was hated at the Sundance Film Festival same year even though it was nominated for the 'Grand Jury Prize'. According to the professional movie critic Michael Lerman,

"Audiences fled the theater mid-picture as Nancy and her new companion engaged in depressingly violent sexual activity, padded with an icky sensitivity that makes each viewer feel like they should go home and shower after just being present at the screening".

Maybe, that will be the common response from a regular movie-goer out there. Though, for me, I didn't really bear any negative feeling while watching the film. In the contrast, I found it to be rather interesting as it was based on a true story. The story was simple - Nancy (Maria Bello),a neglected housewife with the history of being sexually abused, indulged in a BDSM relationship with a stranger over the internet and hired him to terminate her unbearably suffering life.

In fact, most of the so-called 'disturbing' scenes were not shown out in the open at all, the director used the related object subliminally to trigger the viewers' wild imagination instead. Honestly, I didn't see enough character development in this movie, Bello was good but not excellent enough for her part in the movie. Throughout the entire film, she only projected herself as an unpresentable and emotionally unstable housewife who gained pleasure and relief from hurting herself. It was really hard for me to feel for her. Perhaps, I carried too much expectation after watching the performance of Mai Kitajima and reading the similar scheme.However, it was still worth-watching as I could imagine myself repeating doing the same thing if having a same heart that lose a quarter part like Nancy. Somehow, it awakes my tendency to discover humans' hidden ugly sides. There's no definite bounding line between good and bad, we should perceive things beyond surface values, which is actually the toughest thing for human nature.

You will need to put away your coloured lense to enjoy the beauty of the two movies, some people are saying that:

"Hito ga hito o ai suru koto no dôshiyô mo nasa' talks about the distorted tragic life of actresses and entertainers that we will never be able to fathom"

"Downloading Nancy reveals the vulnerability of a sexually abused victim and inner struggle of a mundane housewife"

For me, Nami and Nancy had just unveiled the misery of being a woman.

A little Hat Yai Getaway

It's been a while since I last took a break away from life. During the Raya holiday (19th-23rd September), I went on a family trip to the southern part of Thailand, Hat Yai, which is a popular tourism spot for Malaysians and Singaporeans. Most of my friends visited the place for more than once;though, it was my first time to travel in this neighbour country. Yeah, I know, it's a bit late but it's always better than never. Honestly. It was not a good time to travel because it was a holiday season, everywhere were packed and crowded with people so we missed the chance to get around as freely as possible. However, we are all full time workers so besides public holiday, there is no way for us to gather around and hit the road at the same time.

So, now I will let the pictures to tell the stories...

Thailand and Buddhism are inseparable. So, it is a must for us to have some offering, praying for the ease of the heart and family.

Pure white jade goddess GuanYing, the second tallest in the world!

Sight-seeing. The hectic traffic and crazy people.

Lucky enough to visit the new-opening 'Floating Market'!

Super yummy Thai food! Wished that there were less people blocking around!

The unique Pandan leave roses, mom and second uncle. See, we had good time eating!

Couldn't remember the name exactly. But they called it Tiffany transsexual show. Please don't tell me I looked more like a transgender in the picture.

Songka's renowned mermaid. The beach, the soldier, mom, cousin and me.

The rare glass bottle coke and the cherry flavour fisherman's friend candy,which cannot be found in Malaysia!

I won't really call Hat Yai as part of Thailand as there are around 30 percent of Chinese people living there, so the area is kind of 'chinese' as you can find all kinds of Chinese sign boards, and also the shops ans stores with Chinese names. The people there also speak all kinds of Chinese dialects. In many ways, I could see the similarity with Malaysia. The only regret I had would be not able to try out those authentic Thai cusine as my family wasn't adventurous enough, plus there weren't any authentic Thai restaurants at the tourism concentrations.

Nonetheless, I had fun. Even though I am 25 years old already but this is the first family trip that I had with my family members. It may not be the best trip but it was a wonderful getaway from my static life. Hopefully, there will be a next one coming.

心情

我知道很有可能我会被雷劈，但是我真的很恨我爸。

从小到大， 我就一直在幻想没有爸爸的日子会有多好。他一直以来就是一个毫无感激及廉耻心的人， 一直到现在还是一个大包袱；重来就没有为任何人做过什么却无赖的认定这个世界欠了他一切。

我妈是这世上最笨的人；她不懂得改变，不懂得为自己争取应得的基本幸福，像个白痴似的傻傻的从结婚那一天无条件奉献所有； 换来的却是无止境的索求及怨恨。

我真的觉得没有爸爸的世界会更美好。 他不值得被任何人尊敬﹑更不配被唤‘爸爸。

我的童年就因为他而灰暗暗；我对人性的失望也从他而起。

随着岁月的增长，我惊然发现他带给我的影响空前绝后的大，父母的确是造就孩子性格与思想的关键。

我恨我爸。如果你有一个好爸爸，我由衷的恭贺你，因为对于我来说这真的是遥不可及的事。 你必定是前世做尽了好事而修来的福，请珍惜。

Relief

Finally, I have done marking 200 copies of research proposals..

A student wrote the 20 pages proposal for once, the poor tutor have to read through the proposal line by line, correcting all of the errors and then repeated the same action for 199 times in the rest of the proposals.

I was rushing as I have a deadline to meet.

After five days of marking, continuously, I completed the task!

Even though, I felt like crying sometimes in the process of marking, but still, I stayed with it.

In the end...

The alleviation and sense of completion is fulfilling.

What A Relief!

Press Freedom

Here's our tutorial question for today. We are going to talk about media agenda setting theory. Let's read the article below:

Foreign hands in blockades

Foreigners caught on camera mingling with and instigating Penans at Long Nen and Long Bangan blockades

MIRI: It’s confirmed! Foreigners are behind many of the blockades set up by Penans in timber camps in the state.

It has long been suspected that many foreign environmentalists and socalled conservationists had been instigating and encouraging the natives to erect blockades and disrupt logging activities, though they had always denied their involvement.
But yesterday four foreigners, including two women, were seen among protesters manning blockades in Ulu Baram.

This contradicts claims by local non-governmental organisations (NGOs) that foreigners have never meddled in the internal affairs of the state.

The foreign nationals, believed to be an Australian, an Indian and two Dutch women, were seen at an access road at Long Bangan and Long Nen in Ulu Baram, orchestrating the protesters with signboards for pictures to be taken.

They were also seen mingling freely among the natives and giving out instructions.
The blockade at Long Nen erected about 6am was followed by another blockade about 2pm at Long Bangan, with the foreign nationals present at both places in an apparently coordinated arrangement and timing.

The wooden blockade structures were simple but the message was clear as the camps set up at the respective sites were manned by Penan men, women and children with the aim of disrupting logging and reforestation activities in the area.

Three major logging companies are operating in the area.

A logging camp manager yesterday lodged a report at the Long Lama police station about the activities of the four foreigners.

The report said they were seen together with the natives at the blockade sites. Marudi police chief DSP Jonathan Jalin, when contacted, said police were aware of a few foreigners at the blockade sites.

“They were also seen with the Penans in Long Lama and we are interested to find out who they are and what they are doing in the jungle with the Penans,” he said.

The protesters yesterday handed an unsigned written list of demands and notice to stop all lorries from passing through to a logging camp manager, to the foreigners and two journalists from The Borneo Post and See Hua Daily News who were at the scene. The group also handed out copies of a news clipping on about 3,000 Penans in Belaga facing starvation due to crop failure as claimed by Deputy Minister of Rural and Regional Development Datuk Joseph Entulu recently. ( article taken from Borneo Post )

Media are good at using framing technique to set the agenda. They never told us how to think, but what to think about by designing, editing and using the other angle of the message to tell the fantasy kind of story.

Who on earth is going to care about the minority and supressed group in the country?

Obviously, nobody.

Rareness

That's rare.

For some reasons, I have A LOT of students who are very hardworking. Their impetuous spirit, passion and enthusiasm in acquiring knowledge stroke me.

When I was being nice and offered to just cancel the coming classes since I have nothing else to share anymore. They still insisted that they want to have the last class with me next week. I emphasized for millions times that I won't have any 'tips' or 'insider information' about the final exam already, they still determined to attend my class next week. I am totally done with the revision and so far they haven't raise any question cause they won't begin their revision within these few days until the study week really kick off. Though, they still want me to hold the classes next week.

I really wonder why. I have absolutely nothing to teach anymore next week so I decided to give them a chance to get lazy or going back to their hometown earlier and if they have ANY questions during study week, they can e-mail me anytime and make appointment with me; though, they were very persistent in having the class, still.

What's wrong with them? I am really curious. Is it because they admire me too much so they couldn't bear to say goodbye to me? Am I really that charming? I apologise for my narcissism.

I really don't know what's wrong with kiddoes today anymore. I do not belong to their generation so I will never understand what's playing in their mind.

All I know is that - I still have a lot of classes to hold next week, the classes, which I have nothing left to teach. My original plan of taking a little break and start marking the piles of assignment gone.

However, I am thankful that I have students who are actually born with certain amount of initiative; that's the only element that keeps me going in teaching career.

生活

这是一个一直下雨的周末。雨水滴答滴答的响着，我觉得这种声音真的很悦耳。

近几个星期，我过得有些自闭，朋友们的邀约，我一律拒绝；静静的自己一个人抱着一叠叠的学生作业埋头苦改，更要为最后的几个星期做准备。大家一样是教书的，他们却可在周末大玩特玩， 我呢却永远有做不完的事情，薪金又是最低的。没办法，谁叫我不多读一点书。学历低的人永远都是要多做很多事情的。也好啦，就从中学习、提升自己，当做为未来的一种准备。不知不觉，我就这样慢慢被日常工作蹭得麻木了。

很多次，我都在愕然间觉得自己在快速的老去。虽然在学校里很多人都一致认为我是个学生； 尽管我在换上牛仔裤后去食堂买午餐时老板娘总是唤我‘girl girl’，我的心真的不断在迅速衰老。我像个老人般每天很早就起床， 在天很黑的时候开始嚼着面包、喝着咖啡。 随之就是梳洗打扮上班去。然后上课、工作、回家。每天都一样，静静实实的过着属于自己的日子。

很久才可以回一次家，这似乎并没有对我造成什么困扰。我平静的在这个小乡村过日子。向来无肉不欢的我倒也可以吃了几个月的净素，并乐在其中。 有时候想一下，我真的变了很多。似乎成长完毕，无欲无求、正式迈向老年。

回头看看踩过的旅程，突然觉得生命是一个大圈圈，很多时候我们奋力跑向终点，忽略了其实终点和起点都是相接的。人总需要经过一个大圈来理解这个道理。

鱼与熊掌不能兼得。很老的一句话却带出了最实在的道理。要得到这，必定得牺牲那。自然界的定义讲究公平。

人生真的还是简简单单的好。平凡是福。

Professional help needed

Please tell me the ways to cope with my frustrastion. I mean, the efficient way. What you do when you are really angry until you feel like you couldn't take it no more?

I have fire burning inside me. What's wrong with the so-called university students today? What's wrong with our family structure and education system today? How parents raise their kids today?

Sheesh.

As quoted from my friends, "Let them be, ignore it." But how to ignore it when I am the one who is dealing with their attitudes and marking their tests papers and assignments?"

I need anger management classes before I burst out and kill somebody accidentally.

No wonder, many teachers die of cancer.

Ignorance

It's been a while since I last bitched about anything. I didn't have anything to grumble about since I enjoy what I am doing right now at the moment. However, the encounters I have at this semester really put me into a lot of hair-pulling situations; no wonder, I am becoming balder and balder. Sometimes,the spoiled brats' attitudes can really drive you to the edge.

Let's introduce this group of 'stuff', 'Useless Trashes'. Why name them useless trash? This is because some of the junk or trashes still can be recycled but this bunch of trash are just trash, they are all smelly and rotten and completely useless. Their existence causes major pollution to the society. We have a lot of those in school, I had that kind of experience with this type of trash since I was studying in college, right now I am working under the same setting, so naturally have more experience with it. This bunch of useless trash couldn't speak their mother tongue because they grew up in a family which used another language at home or simply just pretended that they couldn't speak it, as they thought that it was way too embarrassing for them to converse in mother tongue. They were convinced that by speaking another language, their image will get upgraded.

Well, there is nothing wrong for somebody to not able to converse in mother tongue, who cares what language you speak anyways? The problem here is, this group of people are very proud of it; to a stage where they just stick together in one group, mocking at other students who couldn't speak well, refusing to work with other students or accept their opinions, insisted to just mix within their groups;thinking that they are superior than others cause they couldn't speak their mother tongue but a mouthful of 'Manglish'.

Useless trashes do not listen in class, at all because they thought they are better than average students. They will do their assignments according to their own ways because they think that theirs format is better than what being shown by the lecturers, they are like the utmost unique species in this world who will be able to excel in life, just because they are able to utter more 'Manglish' than regular students out there. The biggest issue here is-- they thought too highly of themselves, they were not that capable or talented besides able to speak just a little bit better than other students because they got used to the language since they were little. Other than that, they were nothing more than a piece of dysfunctional crap. They skipped the classes or when they do attend, they will try whatever way to make sure that they will be late for at least half an hour. They listened to I-pod, sending texts over cell phone for two hours or talked with their friends happily at the back, disturbing the progress of whole class.

So, what the hell? If you really think that you are THAT smart, then just freaking skip the classes, why bother to attend then talk and do shits behind? These are obviously some of the childish rebellion acts of teens. Come on, you all are not that YOUNG anymore. What's yours purpose in life? Are you all really that NAIVE by thinking that speak just a little bit better than the rest of the students will bring you victory in life? Jesus Christ!

Besides, they handed in really crappy assignments, thought they were able to cover all those flaws by using their so-called beautifully written piece. Unfortunately, it is impossible for you to get high marks when you didn't even fulfil the basic requirements. Stop dreaming!

The useless trashes all share a great similarity-- All of them were born with those kind of super annoying faces, which make you think that it is really hard for anybody to love them in their entire life. Glancing at those ignorant and not-so-pleasant looking face, I am able to picture the faces of those who raise them.

Please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against those people who not able to speak, read or write their mother tongue; matter of fact, I have plenty of nice friends who do not speak their mother tongues, I have nothing against these people, just like what I have mentioned earlier. I am just having problems with those people who are ignorant, dumb, narcissism, self-obsessed and not understand the meaning of 'being respectful'. Coincidentally, many of them with the mentioned characteristics appear to be the ones who were not able or refused to communicate in mother tongue because they thought it was a really shameful thing. I am sorry for the stereotype over here, I know that not all of you are like that; sadly, most of the non- mother tongue speakers I met fulfilled most of the bad qualities above.

Please, if you want to be cocky and cool and outstanding, kindly make sure that you actually have the ability or conditions(at least a little bit) to do so, at least, ditch your 'Manglish' because if that's the only language you speak but you still suck at it, that will be the most pathetic thing in this world.

Get the hell out of my class! Stop trashing around, I don't need you all.

The Legend

He has Gone.

No, I am not writing this piece to mourn about his death.

Unlike those dramatic people who decided to worship the 'King of Pop' right after his death, I am not an "overnight Jacko fan"; matter of fact, I do not even belong to the Michael Jackson Era. When I was old enough develop the preference towards music, he was already popular for being an extreme plastic surgery addict who seemed to have weird preference towards children. He was depicted badly in the newspaper and my parents' comments about him were fairly consistent --"pervert, psycho".

Though, for some reasons, my elder brother loved him a lot and had his music played in the radio from time to time. He owned many of his early cassettes and used to tell me how awesome the King was in doing the world renowned moon walk. I was too young to understand what he was uttering about and misinterpreted it as 'somebody who walked on moon, like astronaut." However, the music of the song, "Black or White' kept lingering in my mind after first listening to it, I was only eight. Of course, I was too young to understand the lyric and what not. My perception about Michael Jackson at that moment remained as : "an astronaut who sings well, but was regarded as a freak by my parents."

Many years later, I turned into a troubled teenager. One day, I saw his 'The Earth Song' MV from TV. It stroke me. The video and the lyric were just purely fascinating. I hated the world that time as I thought that nothing in this world seem to be fair and I bore grudge towards all of the human species. So, the song just clicked easily. After that, I tried to borrow his songs in whatever forms from different sources, and also checked all of the songs' lyrics online (I am thankful for the invention of Internet!). Finally, I was able to understand the meanings behind those songs;he was trying to vent all the frustrations and injustice by his powerful voice. That was definitely hard and he was the first one who have done it so well.

His problem with plastic surgery aroused my curiosity. I obsessed with analyzing people's behaviors for a period of time so he became the subject I constantly googled at. Then, I got to know his background, his sad childhood and abusive parent. There is always a reason behind. Parents always are the one who has full power to shape the kids.

Perhaps, he never really loved by anybody. Perhaps, he never get to know his real identity, perhaps, he belonged to the stage but he got lost in it.

Obviously, he was a victim of his talent. Probably his soul is happy right now as after the exposure of his scandals, this is the only time the millions 'fans' climbing out from every corner of the planet, mourning about his death with media covering all of his achievements and good deeds.

How about the family who fights for money, property and children custody?

Well, it's a regret, I guess. An icon who owned the world;his life was like the shooting star.

'Man In the Mirror', 'The Earth Song', 'Black or White', 'They don't Care about Us' and 'Bad' are my top five favourite.

Go listen. They are the best! By the way, I scratched my car's back at the day he passed. This is just random, I don't know why I am bringing it up here.

Good Quote for the day

The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any

more than black people were made for whites,or women for men.

~Alice Walker, "The Color of Purple"

http://www.liveexportshame.com/what_is_animal_welfare.htm

Sinful. Sinful. Humans are evil.

槟城

好久都没有那种提起相机到处捕捉镜头的闲情逸致了。不知道为什么, 很长的一段时间, 即使身处异地、置身于人间美景, 我也可以不为所动; 处之泰然的放弃收集珍贵回忆的一切机会。

就在五月一日劳动节的那个周末,我竟意想不到的重拾了到处捕猎美景的兴趣。住在槟城的好友盛情邀请我到她家一同共度假期。我想了一想,与其在金宝独自一个人孤苦伶仃, 倒不如去探望一位多年不见的特别朋友。安排好了交通，我就兴奋的在劳动节前夕向槟城出发，开始了我的探友叙旧之旅程。

距离上一次的拜访已有十五年之久，因此对于槟城的记忆并不清晰。这次有机会旧地重游，我还真的是获益不浅叻！模糊的回忆里记载着槟城是座历史悠久、繁荣蓬勃的大城市，殊不知浓浓的英国殖民地气息还是在槟岛里处处可闻。很多街道上的路牌都还是以英文命名；古老的英式建筑更是遍布满城。

更妙的是这里以华人居多，各色各样的民族文化更是显而易见。很多古色古香的高龄中式老屋都被视为文化遗产，列为历史古迹。中西极端的交流促成了一种强烈特色。尽入眼帘的百年景观还真的有点让我惊讶！心中不禁好奇着一百年前的这里什么人曾经入住过，他们遗留下了什么样的故事。

废话少说，照片自有解释。

极乐寺，攀登宝塔、香汗淋漓。

睡佛，虔诚膜拜﹑点一盏合家灯。

风水屋，中华精髓；老旧教堂，歌颂天主；娘惹纪念馆，文化交接。

鲜花、娇艳；海湾、祥和。

槟城美食多，鱼腥味逼人的‘拉沙’叫我不敢恭维。‘沙士’味的红豆冰却令我赞不绝口。六块钱的昂贵炒粿条带不出一点槟岛招牌气息。令人最感动的是和老友相聚的时刻。谢谢你喔，芊芹！

成年老酒的芬芳永远令人回味无穷。

Somewhere over the rainbow

No matter how time changes, he will always be the only one contestant, who is able to impress me that much. The thrill still rises from my heart after listening to his version of the song for more than 100 times.

It is plain beautiful.

I am touched.