Like a stupid Hunter.

I will be leaving to KL one hour later. Yes, another walk-in-interview for me to attend tomorrow...

Gosh, I am tired. I dont want to be a hunter anymore! There are traps everywhere. As a hunter, I stepped into one of the traps of the employers. Ewww.I hate liars. Why should they lie? *sigh... Door to door selling, Grrr..

I am leaving... Wish me good luck!

Heaven, Redang Island (-end-)

The Sea and the Sky







The Sunrise and The Mountain











The Flour Sand and The Mountain








The Evening and The People




Goodbye, My Beloved Redang Islang... I will be back, I promise...

My dearest Friends, Protocol, Lampfly and YOkeHan, You all will be in my heart...Now and Forever..

Heaven, Redang Island (3)

Three of us visited one of the souveneir shops in Redang Island. hehe. A lot of unique things were available for sale but we didn't buy any. See, we were chatting happily and Lampfly held one of the cheappest post card in her hand. At last, she didn't purchase, too. :P The Shopkeeper was cursing us in her heart, I guess...

Three stunning girls and the lovely big blue sea. The sky was the wet pale blue of a water-colour sky just painted and not yet dried. It formed a direct connection to the light blue sea... Wow.. Let's turn into mermaids, let's move our home into the deep blue sea...It's fantastic!

Oppps.. Protocol pinched me on my chubby face! haha.. She was just jealous about my flawless face. Hehe..She wanted to make me look ugly but I was still lovely. :P yo!

Here's one of the beach boys in Redang Beach Resort. He wasn't the one who led us in snorkeling but I think that he is kinda cool. We had a beach party at the first night along the beach, the audiences weren't supportive and this guy, who was topless, danced crazily to attract the people to join. It was hard to get the party started, Protocol and I joined the small group in dancing after seeing his hardwork. Gosh, his well-bulit body was glittering with sweat. He was kinda sexy, that time. :P

Here's are some other beach boys.:) I caught them unaware. hehe.:p They may look plain but their enthusiasm toward their work is excellent! Ask, Lampfly, she would tell you about it! :P

Yeah. He is Khai! One of three Chinese beach boys at Redang Beach Resort. Protocol like him a lot. He is that type of typical beach boy, well-built body, olive-skinned, easy-going, hilarious, cute, fun-loving, helpfull, sweet, and striking. Yeah! I love this picture!

This is Yee.:) He is a very kind and sweet beach boy. He was the one who drove the speedboat and sent us back to the quay. Protocol and I had a long talk with him under the moonlight. He stated that,' I have been working here for 5 years. Everday I bring different tourists to explore the ocean, showing them corals, fishes, and other underwater creatures. I have been repeating the same work day after day, but I never get tired of it.I love my job and I would continue doing it and staying here, till the end of the day...' That's impressive... How about us? Fresh graduates?Thnking of simply getting an Admin job? Wow! You guys should see their passions...

Robert, the leader of the snorkeling group is the oldest beach boy at Redang Beach Resort. He is cute and lovely. :) He was having his head on Lampfly's shoulder. Yeah! Lampfly enjoyed it, I guess!

Here's a group photo of those beach boys. Too many of them were on duty so we were only managed to get some of them into the picture. Pay attention to the guy with the cap. He is Pan! Wow! He is truly good-looking and charming. I couldnt take my eyes off from him since the very first moment I saw him. He has many tattoos on different part of his body and they look great on him. Wow! It's a pity. I couldnt take a personal photo with him, Pan! You are cool! I like you...

....Yee and another beach boy were preparing to send us back to the quay with the speedboat. :( Yes, time to say GoodBye...I don't want that...

heaven-Redang Beach (2)

Here's a space that planted with green bamboos near our resort. Protocol loves the lanscape a lot so we had several pictures taken there. The two girls in black are Young and Sherry. They are our new friends in the trip. The verdure of the mother nature and sheer greenery is captivating, isn't it? But I think 6 of us had spoilt the beautiful scenery :P

Four of us were sheltered from the hot sun at Redang Beach. Wow! It was 1 o'clock in the afternoon, the weather was burning hot so Protocol and YokeHan wore their 'cool' sun glasses to prevent the ruthless sunlight from hurting their eyes! Nonetheless, at that moment, the surface of the sea was sparkling with the light colour of blue and it looked inviting!

Protocol, Lampfly and I risked our lives to climb up the rocks to get the best camera's angle. Look at the picture carefully, if anyone of us had one step behind, unconsciously, she will fall and her brain or backbone would crashed at the rocks. We might be dying or end up paralyzed! That's really dangerous! By the way, is that really a good camera angle? :-$

Wonderful beach. Three of us sat on the wooden long chair and smiled at the camera. I was thinking that, ' How nice would that be if we could spend months in that island? Leading the island life, like those beach boys...We wouldn't need to care about job-hunting and others stupid urban troubles...But, it's just impossible...

Here's the close up of the crystal clear ocean. Don't you feel like soaking yourself into the icy-cold water at once? Come on, take off your shirt and pants, change into a swimming suit and enjoy the embrace of nature! It's time to relax and have fun!


Protocol and I were walking along the beach. Stepping on the flour sand, we left our foot prints behind... Now referring back to the picture, I am wondering, when are we going to have chance to walk on each others' side while admiring the beauty of the island again? Our foorprints were blown away by the wind, but the laughters along the way were stored in my heart...

We were having the steamboat as dinner at the very first day we arrived. At first, Protocol and Lampfly were complaining that the materials provided by the restaurant weren't enough for the four of us. But, at last, You guys can see the expressions of Lampfly and YokeHan! Hehe. Both of them were fed up with the food. Obviously, we couldnt finish the food...:P

Yeah, Cheers! Cheers for our future, Cheers for our friendship, Cheers for Redang island, Cheers for UTAR, Cheers for graduation, Cheers for eveything. We all must live up our lives to the fullest and keep in touch, even though it is hard...

YokeHan and I had the photo taken under a huge coconut tree. She is such a sweet girl, isn't she? Such a beauty, no wonder the beach boy was crazy about her! Yeah! YokeHan, thanks for spending time with us, love you! Keep in touch! Muaks!

Heaven, Redang Island (1)

Four of us, Protocol, Lampfly, YokeHan and I had our graduation trip in one of the utmost amazing tourism hotspots in Kuala Terengganu, Redang Island from 8th to 10th May, 2006. We faced some technical problems before getting into the bus and we were upset about the fact that we have graduated and going to separate with one another. However, after having a 9 hours journey on the bus, we were brought to the incredibly wonderful island by boat. At the moment we had our hearts and soul near to the mother nature, no more troubles in our mind. Nothing is really a big deal! Yeah! We felt that we were part of the island!

The wind, the sea, the flour sand, the sea shells, the sun, the beach boys! Here we are! :p At the very first moment I stepped my feet into the haven, I know that I would love this place dearly, and wouldn't bear to leave this wonderland...
Now...let's start the trip.. hehe..join me! Yay! Redang!

Jobless, Useless

I had my last paper about two weeks ago. Ya, I have graduated. Fresh graduate who is in the status of jobless. Gosh, like Tasha and all of my classmates, I have been trying my best to get an ideal job as soon as possible. I hate the feeling having no purpose and doing nothing in life. As such, I am kinda desperate. Tasha laughed at me for simply attending the walk-in interview, which I wasn't even sure about the position I was applying for.Yes, it sounds funny, but I couldn't just sit here and wait for a job to fall from the sky. *sigh. It's a painful experience...

Yesterday, I purposely went to Singapore for one walk-in interview. As usual, the stupid walk-in interview took me hours of waiting. I hate that, but no choice. The worst of all was that the company actually only interested in those applicants, who had at least two years of working experience. The person-in-charged said in the briefing session,

"Frankly, speaking, we are here to employ candidates with at leat two years of wokring experience. If you are a fresh graduates, we are sorry to tell you that it is pretty hard for you to be employed..."

I was dissapointed after hearing his words. Anyway, the interviewer was a nice person and I was thankful for that. The stupiest thing was that I forgot to tell him more about my experience in working as a journalist last year. I should have told him more. He seemed to be interested. Gosh, mayeb I felt hopeless and that time and I was too calm and too cool. I chatted with him, casually about many things that are irrelevant, instead of me entering Dean list or gaining front-page bylines and got in touch with prominents. Silly me!

Anyhow, I guess it is impossible for me to get the job. The other interviewer didnt even utter a word after knowing that I am a fresh graduate without any real working experience.*sigh..

That's not fair, yes, I know that you all need employees with great experience, the problme here is that if all of you continuously rejecting fresh graduates, where are we going to learn things and gain pratical knnowledge? I am deeply stressed, I felt like I am really useless. What for studying hard? What for getting good grades? The result remains the same.

I couldn't see my future. It is blurred, hiding in fog. Mother said that I am picky so it will be hard for me to get a good job. Am I? Maybe, but I don't think that I am going to apply for the jobs that are totally out of my field. Besides, I wouldn't accept a job, which underpaid me, in an exaggerating way, too! Perhaps, I am choosy. :(

I have too many 'what if' in my mind right now. What if I am not going to get any jobs in the coming three months? what if I am still jobless in year 2007? what if ... What if...? Stressful. Pressured.

Is there any way for me to get rid of the difficulties I am having now? Can somedoy out there pull me out from this bed of thorns? God. Suddenly, I am thinking of hypnotism. Yeah. Can it be a way for me to get rid of my difficulties? Sometimes, somebody told me that it can be a method to help you to chase away your sadness, troubles and so on. But, in fact, at that moment. Maybe. After coming back to the reality , the truths would haunt you again..

Yes, hypnotism. Heard about that? According to the wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia, Dave Elman defined hypnosis as "a state of mind in which the critical faculty of the human mind is bypassed, and selective thinking established."

Out of the blue, I am obsessed by the idea of hypnotism, wondering if it is really true. I heard and read some information days ago, some of the data stated that hypnotism actually is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, which means that when a person believe in a an idea strongly, he or she will try the best to make it come true.

So, this means that, the state of hypnosis is actually created by humans themselves? So, are they aware of what they were doing? Is the situation totally controlled by the hypnotist? So, this means that the subject actually has memories even in the state of hypnosis, but they just choose to forget about it or left them behind?

I guess I am crazy to think of these! Stressful, insane! *sigh!

Any job for me! HELP!

Michael Clarke Duncan

Birth name
Michael Clarke Duncan
Date of birth (location)
10 December 1957(Chicago, Illinois, USA)
Nickname
Hollywood Big Mike
Height
6' 5" (1.96 m)

Mini biography
Raising by his single mother on Chicago's South Side, Michael grew up resisting drugs and alcohol, instead concentrating on school. He wanted to play football in high school, but his mother wouldn't let him, fearing he would get hurt. He then turned to acting, dreaming of becoming a famous actor. After graduating from high school and attending community college, he worked digging ditches at Peoples Gas Company in Chicago.

When he quit his job and headed to Hollywood, he landed small roles while working as a bodyguard. Michael's role in the movie Armageddon(1998) led to his breakthrough performance in The Green Mile(1999), when his Armageddon co-star Bruce Willis called director Frank Darabont, suggesting Michael for the part of convict John Coffey. He landed the role, receiving critical acclaim for his performance.

(All information above taken from http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0003817/)

(photo taken from http://www.hollywood.com)

In fact, I don't really like to blog about celebrities as there are too many amazing actors or actresses in this planet. Majority of the Hollywood's superstars are glittering in the colourful world, radiating own subtle charm. It is pretty hard for me to have any particular preferrences. By the way, I don' believe that a 'showbiz outsider' like me is able to give out any impartial comments. Nonethelss, after watching the movie-'The Green Mile', I think I have to write something on the character of 'John Coffey', acted by the big guy as mentioned above.

(photo taken from http://www.triviana.com/film/ gfilm/greentwo.JPG)

Basically, the story is rooted at the friendship between John Coffey (Michael Duncan), who was accused of killing two little girls and Paul Edgecomb (Tom Hanks), the head guard on Death Row. Edgecomb wasn't really convinced that Coffey would be the killer because besides his gigantic body, he was naive, kind, soft-spoken, timid and obedient. The utmost important thing was, his eyes exuded a kind of simplicity or artlessness, like a helpless kid. (Duncan is incredibly outstanding! I really don't know how he did it! Gosh!)

Later, Edgecomb and his colleuges realised about Coffey's gifted supernatural healing and predicting power. Coffey's warm and innocent heart led the guards into a deeper level of humanity's values. Though, at the same time, the ethical dilemma. He saved a lot of people and punished those deserved. By using his power, Coffey lent Edgecomb his eyes so that he could get the truth. But, there was a price he need to pay. He would live eternally, seeing all the beloved one leaving him one by one.

Edgecomb resigned to his lot as he felt that it's a kind of punishment he gained for sending a good guy to the death path and eliminating the God's will...

It is truly a master work as it doesn't only focuses at the two main characters above, there are a lot of stories that are not directly related to each other, but they were combined in a perfect manner by the director.

Hey, Chloe, this blog is all about spoilers! :P hehehe. I love the movie, I love it a lot. I love Michael Duncan. He is truly amazing, he is a genius. I can't forget his eyes, the way the tears rolled down from his big and penetrating eyes. It's like a kind of sadness or begging he had in his heart; it's like he was searching for a missing pieces when he looked into your eyes...It is an extreme contrast with his huge and strong body, but it works WELL!

This flim reflects too many about human nature. I was really touched and i felt like giving Coffey a warm embrace. I wouldn't let off so that his sorrow and pain, he had been gaining for the passing years, would be healed or eased.

I love the quotes:

Edgecomb: "Your name is John Coffey?"

Coffey: "Yes sir boss. Like the drink, only not spelled the same."

One day before sitting on the electric chair, Coffey told Edgecomb, "I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?"

Yes. Coffey. I undestand. You have the kindest soul in the world, Michael Duncan has shown us your spirit and soul...

Bravo!

Truth Hurts

Ahhh... Let me recapture the past. We were the closest sisters in our childhood. Everywhere you go, I would follow; anywhere you were, there would be my soul. We had so much fun together. We went to school together, we took meals together, we cried and laughed at the companionship of each other.

Sadly, due to some weird and unknown reasons, we were drifted away from each other. Maybe that's what we normally named as the price of growing up... We became strangers and didn't talk to each other for ages. Though, I thought that our relationship still has its value. Nevertheless, the experience I encountered and the truths I heard from her hurt me. I got burnt.

Hey, I never talked you down in front of anyone else in that kind of malicious manner. Even though, I may not agree with your attitude and the way you deal with things, sometimes, but I never attacked you, personally. Deep inside my heart, I still regard you as my sister, even if you don't!

Remember the time when you were really helpless? Who lend you her hand? Girl, I accompanied you to search for your college and lost our way at the same time. I was worried about you and called you for times to make sure that you reached the stupid PuduRaya safely and soundly. Where was your dearest rich cousin at that time? You rang her but she refused to help by giving a stupid reason like: 'not free'. At last, what did you do? You groupped up with her and bitching about me, attacked me personally?! What the HELL!

Where did I go wrong? I am not asking you to thank me for my 'kindness'. That means totally nothing to you, I am SURE. But, I never hurt you, not in anyways. Why would you do these to me?

'You sit behind a beauty, envy you...'

A great SMS, huh?! isn't it? Being sarcastic?! That's what you have been learning in your years of studying? Cynicalism...Wow, I love it. Thanks for your compliments ya, my dearest sister... Yes, I am a beauty, a great stunning, incredibly amazing bella! So? You are jealous of me or what?

Tell you, Bitch! You are going to get your retribution for your miserable bad mouthing skill! I think we can see it right now, you are having your own troubles, right? It's not that your dearest sister here wanna curse you, it's just that some people like you, will met your own ends...

Let's wait and see...bloody Bitch!

My brother's recipe: 'Hokkien Flour Cake'

--> This is my brother, Teck. He is four years older than I but he never really act like a big brother who will take care of her sister. He is a bit 'naive' in the way he behaves and communicates with people who are close with him. You WILL definitely be scared if you are staying in my home and being expose to his daily foolish and crazy actions. You will think that this guy is completely out of his mind and need some medication urgently to balance up his emotions. I think the picture at the left explains a lot, there isn't a need for me to further elaborate on his character.:P But, sometimes he is normal, really. Anyhow, I am going to share with you all about my brother's recipe, 'Hokkien Flour Cake', the only dish he is good at preparing.

According to him, to prepare a 'delicious' Flour Cake for the serving of two people, first we have to place 400g of flour into a bowl and then mix it slowly with plain water. Next, we have to use a spoon to stir it well. This stirring process will go on for half an hour and we must have patient to do it carefully so that the best 'Flour Cake' will be produced (This step is shown in picture 1, as posted above).

Later, you can add on any materials you like to enhance the flavour and taste. My brother added in some fish curry powder and yummy 'Ikan Bilis', and then, he stirred the liquid in the bowl with those material for another 5 minutes. At last, referring to step 2 and 3 in the picture obover, he pour the liquid flour into hot oil, gingerly and gently so that a nice and flat shape would be formed. After the surface have turned into the colour of dark golden, you have to turn it over. This step will cost you about 15 minutes.

Finally, *DengDen! A hot and freshly fried 'Hokkian Flour Cake' can be served for two! Yeah, my brother is a bit stupid but yet, he is able to produce this tasty dish. Hey, it's true, it tastes nice! Next time, maybe you all can come to my place, I will ask him to prepare it for you all to try! YAY!

Well, in fact, the steps as mentioned in the second paragraph is not really true. I made it up so that the recipe will sound more normal and expert! hehe. My brother didn't measure the grams and minutes at all, he just simply do it, agak agak punya. :p haha.. He is not that professional, forgive him. :) Anyway, sometimes, he is cute.

That night, we had the flour cake as supper while watching the utmost idiotic horror movie in the universe-'Hostel'. I wasn't able to finish wacthing it as it is truly disturbing, disgusting, irritating, shallow and nasty. Though, my superficial brother, who emphasizes heavyly in 'sensation challenging experience' ONLY enjoy watching this type of movie. Silly him!

Hey, since my not-so-clever brother also can prepare a wholesome dish like 'Hokkien Flour Cake', I am sure that each and everyone of you is able to do that either, or perhaps, a better chef! hehe! yeah!

My goofball brother's recipe, try it at home. :P

P/S: sorrya, I have to apolozise for the indencency projected in the very first picture of my brother, who was smiling lecherously with his bare chest. That's the way he is, I am sorry! Please dont get disturbed or offended. :)

My Journalism1

Today is the second day of our final examination session! Two more subjects to go before we can proudly declare to the world that we have graduated! Nonetheless, at the same time, it's the time for us to say goodbye to each other. Sometimes, it is really hard to leave one another after three years of studying in the same class. Yes, I may not be able to have fun with all of you all the while. But, frankly speaking, deep inside my heart, each and everyone of you are somewhat important. You all have coloured up my days in UTAR!

SiewLing:Do you know that you are a very kind and sweet girl? I love the way you talk and the way you work and the way you smile. :-) I wasn't able to get to know you deeply but I know that you are kind, sweet, diligent and considerate! Keep it up ya! You can have great achievement somedays!

Annie:Even though we had our internship under the same company for three months but it is still pretty hard to really get close to you. Anyway, you are talented and I am sure you can be somebody in the future. Gambateh!

LiYee:You are the 'Astro' girl in our class! Yeah! You can sing, you can dance, you are cute and you are pretty! When is it possible for me to see you on stage again? I enjoy the moment we had our small conversation in LRT! :P When can we have that kind of hours again?

ChunYet:Yo! What's up man? You are our classrep but I have never seen you really act like one! Anyway, all of us would be bored without you. I am really glad that I had the chance to get to know you better in times of industrial training.Thanks for your kindness and help. Sometimes, I am thinking, it is really nice to know you. Thanks, my pal!

Rachel: Gusty girl! :) I enjoy the moments we spent in cyberspace. We had fun in gossiping about others! Even though our conversation took place virtually but I think that those virtuality experiences allowed me to know you better! You are a good friend to talk to and I will miss you!

Tasha:You are definitely a sweet and lovely girl! I have never met anyone who is as friendly as you do in my entire life. That's a good thing. The thing that I know about you is that you may be not that hardworking but you are wise and you will always make sure that you have fulfiled your responsibilities under whatever circumtances! I love that! Thanks for your kindness and help ya!

ChauYen:I wouldn't use those conventional adjectives like 'helpful' or 'easy-going' to describe you. I will say that you are a 'Devoted' friend! You have dedicated your entire life to your friends and tend to take care of them carefully, especially 'The special One'. :p hehe.I just want to tell you that your charming characteristic is a gift from God, so does your gorgeous figure! Treasure them!

Laiyee:You are a very polite and softspoken girl. You has been giving others a kind of impression that you are very 'fragile' and the wind seem like can blow you away very easily. Girl, you are too skinny! Gain more weight by eating more! I like the way you are and I am sure that you will be part of my important memories, even after 30 or 40 years later. :)

Kenjo:You keep a very nice blog and I enjoy reading them. You are truly a writer and have your own style in writing. Even though your eyes are small and you are quiet but I find that you are an inquisitive girl who is never going to let the world passed by you. You are observant and appears like a lovely next-door-girl. I like you.

Nelly:Yeah! Girl, You have a great leadership and I really admire the way you talk and the way you look. You are always confident and tend to exude your charm in a very subtle manner. You make me feel that you are someone who can really lead a big organization! Yeah! Keep it up ya!

WanYing:Wow! You. There isn't much I am going to write to you here since I have dedicated a post to you! Just want to tell you that no matter how, you will be in my heart! Muaks!

SuJin:Your big friendly smile captivated my heart. I love the way you laugh and bring us joys. :) You are truly amazing as you can have a fun and interesting conversation with the people whom you barely know. We all have fun talking to you! My friend, stay happy ya!

Fayes: Here comes the superstar of our class. Yo! I like the way you sing. Yeah, guy, you can melt many girls' hearts very easily! You are good looking and gifted with a stunning talent in singing but yet stil able to act humble and showing a moderate estimation of your abilities. That's really a precious value! Jr1 really proud of you! We are waiting for your album ya!

HuiWen: This is the utmost stunning and lovely girl in our class. She is our 'class flower' or maybe the cutest girl in UTAR! She could 'kill' guys very easily with her sweet outlook, adding on her irresistible smiles, even a girl would feel like kissing her whenener she talks to you seriously. Besides, she has the kindest heart which I have ever seen in my life. That's why, HuiWen, nice to know you and thanks for eveything you have done for me! Love you!

KitFye: KitFye is kinda serious and she seldom mix with a large group of people, neither does she laugh hysterically nor does she talks rubbish with her friends. She is a girl who is havign her own principles and would try her very best to fulfil her duties! I have a good time workign to gether with her! Cheers, my dear friend!

KhaiShin: She is an awesome girl. :) She has a very sweet voice, which resembles to a sweet melody that will linger in your mind for hours after hearing her giving speech! She is that kind of sweet and happy angel in our class and I have been knowing her for four years! We were kinda close at first but then due to the mixing of other groups of friends, we have some distances in between. However, we are still friends. It's a kind of friendship, which we keeps in our heart, when we want to use it, you will pass it to me right? :P

YehFang: LengLui! This girl forces all the people around her to call her beauty as she feels that it is a universal fact that she is pretty. In reality, she is really beautiful.:) She is hardworking, and tend to give other pressure when working with her! Anyway, it is a good practice as the assignments would hand in on time! yeah! Leng, THanks for your help ya! You are truly an angel! :P Friend forever ya!

Kathy: Kathy is a very quiet and introverted girl in our class. She tends to isolated herself with others, living in her own little fantasy world! But, once you try to start a conversation with her, you would know that she is kind, helpfull and compassionate. She will show you a very sweet smiles when you are talking to her and I find beauty in it! Maybe we are not close, but you are still a sweet friend, whom I will remember for life!

Broken Vow

(photo taken from http://members.aol.com)

She told me that, 'He is neither a good husband nor a qualified father. If he is having someone else as his wife, she would ran away from him, twenty years ago...'

Ya, I know that you are a truly devoted mother and I love you dearly from the bottom of my heart. I am willing to sacrifice my life for you and do whatever I could to make you happy. But, please don't complaint to me about him again. My heart is bleeding when I see you working day and night to support the family. You are the greatest mother in this world and none of them would be able to sacrifice as much as you do for your beloved children. Nonetheless, he is still my dad.

I am reasonable enough to know the real situation, I know you need someone to lend you ears, I can be the one...But, please, I don't want to hear anything about him again. You have dedicated your life to us ENTIRELY and since you decided to not taking another approach, please don't say anyting like that again. In fact, I would be glad if you divorce him, twenty or thirthy years ago. I swear, I will never blame you for that, even if you dumped brother and I away. At least, things would be simpler and you can fight for your own will. The horrible marriage you have, has been haunting me so much...Sometimes, I feel so helpless and I couldn't even cry...

Mummy, I want you to be happy, please, for yourself, not anyone else.You deserve better. The fact is, he is my dad. He is a great failure but I am sure he loves me... Don't cut my heart with endless complaints and quarells. I beg you...

He told me that, ' You are capable, you are a superwoman, keep it up...' More of a sarcastic sentence rather than anything else...'

I wasn't able to talk to you as I was not in a cheerful mood and I was really having a lot to study and revise. I am not indicating something like you are inconsiderate or what as I myself are having tonnes of weak points that are disagreeable. However, your cynical implication made me sad, really really sad. Maybe I should say someting like 'Sorry' for everthing.

Nevertheless, when your special one is being sarcastic and ruthless...There should be an end, right?

Photoshop

Tasha is very proud of her 'professional' skill in 'Photoshop'.She tends to tell the whole world about it by forcing them to see her latest 'product' in her blog. hehehe. Actually, she is not the greatest 'Photoshop' expert, but she is really a good one! :p I have to give her my salutation. Wow, Tasha, you are really great and free. You got nothing better to do in your free time meh! :p hahah..She is willing to spend hours to master the software and sharpen up her skill.(*Myles is thinking of taking her hat off to Tasha for her hardwork, But then, she realises that she doesn't wear a hat on top! :P)

Seriously, the photoes constructed by Tasha via 'Photoshop' are truly amazing, that's the striking power of the software! Yeah! This reminds me of my own experience with the mentioned software and the 'unique' instructor who taught me to use it! hehe. He just got married, wow! Should we say something like 'congratulation'? :p hahah! He is a fantastic lecturer. I fell in love with 'Photoshop' due to his teaching.

At here I would like to show you all one of my the print advertisements that were completed by using the software for my 'multimedia tools for advertising' in Year 2. Of course, if compare to Tasha, mine is really stupid. But, that's the way of learning mah! We got to start at the very first step mah! WIhtout learning how to walk, it is impossible for us to fly, right? Tasha?! :P

My group decided to create our own 'Pet Hotel' advertising campaign that was name 'Chubby Tubby Mummy'. We browsed through thousands of pictures related to animals and then cut and paste them in a backgroud we created ourselves. Then, we got to mend the outlines, drew the shadows, adjusted the contrast colors, combined the small little creatures and many other silly jobs. For the assignments, we came out with 4 versions of the advertisements. Lampfly and I spent most of our hours that time in the 'Mac Lab'. We tried our best to master the basic tools and produced the best advertisements as these stupid little things carried great coursework marks in that semester. Finally, that's our outcome. If compare to Tasha's, ours are nothing. :) But, it is actually sweet to recollect the times Lampfly and I spent in the lab. :) Maybe it's time of separation, so I am a bit emotional. Each and every little thing I had with my friends is able to inspire me to write out something... They are my memories and memories are sweet, aren't they?

The saddest thing is, I am not able to produce the advertisement above right now. I forgot about the way of using those simple tools correctly...Nonetheless, the times I had with my friend would turn into an unforgettable piece of diamond that I will keep it eternally in my heart. :P

Hours of waiting!

I hate waiting for people. I wish I could leave now...the problem is, the one I am waiting for is not my friend. He is someone important, whom I have been counting on to pull up my 'performance' a bit, yes, just a bit...

I am sorry for accidentally offended him last night. I am here to say' Sorry'. Actually, it wasn't my fault totally, but I have to bear some responsibilities. Anyway, since he is angry with me I guess I have to apolozise for that... But, I have been waiting for hours, I should be staying home and study...Gosh! I am wasting my time here! What to do? That's the price I have to pay for offending someone Important accidentally! Anyhow, I am not the one who is to be blamed entirely!

The position he has is everything. I got to wait. I think he doesn't want to meet me. But, I will make sure I talk to him today, or else, my hours spending here would be wasted! Besides, I guess my effort spend in that stupid thing is the main. I don't want him to discredit me due to the misunderstanding we had yesterday!

God! Spare a little more time on me!

Full Stop.

Based on the explanation of www.dictionary.com, Full Stop is a "punctuation mark (.) placed at the end of a declarative sentence to indicate a full stop or after abbreviations" or "A period indicating the end of a sentence".

Besides that, I think a symbol like Full Stop, is able to act more than a common punctuation mark in different fractions of our life. We are graduating, maybe a 'Full Stop' can be used to mark the end of our friendships. Well, basically, in this case, I prefer a Comma(,) than a Full Stop(.). A true friendship shouldn't be influenced by those stupid unavoidable external factors like: discordance, separation, arguments and so on. Maybe, I am too ideal in that aspect but I think that's the way it should be. :p

In terms of some other relationships, sometimes, a Period can be a panecia for your problems...

There should be a 'Full Stop' when:

1. He calls you once in a blue moon.

2. He wouldn't care if you are down or blue.

3. There isn't any heart-to-heart talk between you two.

4. He thinks of something else when you need a big warm hug.

5. He tends to challenge your limit of dignity.

6. He just lets things over too easily.

7. There isn't a chance for you to share your happy or sad moments with him.

8. He is not updated with your current doings.

9. He put you aside when you are angry and deeply in hurt.

10. He blames you for something you have never committed.

11. He barely have time to accompany you for a good movie.

12. He doesn't know what is in your mind.

13. He lets off the opportunities to know you better.

14. He claimed that you are a hard nut to crack and refuse to understand your complicated heart.

15. He feels that you never miss him and never spend effort to find out 'WHY'.

16. When you are in the spirit to chat with him, his calling cards are always out of credit.

17. He wouldn't spare his time to cheer you up sincerely or dedicated himself for the activities you enjoy to do.

18. He always tells you that he has been 'sacrificing' his precious time for you and asked you to do something in return for his kindness.

19. When you feel that the relationship has been turning into some unpredictable lies.

20. When you couldn't remember the times you shed down tears and gave out smiles for him.

......

Is it a 'must' for ROMANCE to exist in a relationship, so that it will survive?

Well, not necessary. However, you must be devoted enough to develop a long-lasting relationship, without counting on 'HOW MUCH' you have been given and 'HOW MUCH' you want in return.

Hard, isn't it? yeah.. then perhaps, it's the time for you to pen a 'FULL STOP'...

Dear Chloe!

Dear Chloe,

Wow, so fast ya. How the time flies. :P Friend, we are going to graduate. Are you going to say something like 'Hurray'? Well, for me, I am not sure. I am happy that there isn't a need for me to study like hell anymore, neither do I have to worry about the marks of assignments and thesis nor do I have to worry about having replacement classes or anything of that sort.. But one thing I am sure is that, I am going to miss you, I am going to miss my classmates, UTAR and everything...

Among our circle of friends, you are the only one who can read me like abook. We have been staying under one roof for years and we did have our precious time in KTAR. We had tonnes of movies together and we even had a lot of fun chatting and teasing others. Waw...we have a lot of memories... those moments we shared, would carve an everlasting mark in my heart. :)

Actually, I am sorry that I am a hard nut to crack. People find me unfriendly, proud, stubborn, persistent and sometimes cold. Yes, I don't know why, that;s my nature, pretty hard to get along. But I guess I am blessed as there is someone like you who would spare time to understand me. :) thanks, my pal. There are too many times you made me touched but I didn't say anything. Sometimes, some things are better to be placed inside the heart rather than sayign them out fakely, right? :P yeah! I just I am a still a sincere and easy-going friend, for you?? Hope so!

Hey, you got to brace up yourself to face the challenges outside, ok? Time and tides wait for no men. When you have enough talents to be a winner, never tend to think like a loser, ok? No matter how, I will support you whenever I am in the future, hopefullythe distance between us wouldn't be too far! :P You must try your best in everything ya, my friend. :) you could have meritorious achievement, if you allow yourself to have a try!

I don't know why, but I just feel warm whenever I thought of the tissues you passed to me when we had the movie- 'King Kong' together. haha. At the time, I cried too much and I had to cover my mouth so that I wouldn't let out some horrible sobbing sound that are going to interupt others. :P hahah.. I am really thankful for having a friend to hand me a piece of tissue when I am sad. :) Yes, a symbol of friendship, even a very simple gesture can be very meaningful and remarkable. :)

Regardless of what is awaiting us in the future. Remember, be happy and be positive. :)

Take care ya...

Have me as part of your memories, ok?

MUAKS!

Dear Protocol!

Dear Protocol,

Hi, My dear friend. We are going to separate and go our own ways for our future. Within one month, we are going to say goodbye to each other... It is really hard for me to say so. We have beenknowing each other for 4 years. Sometimes, I guess it is pretty hard for me to explain our friendship to others. I guess it is a kind of 'destiny' for us to be good friend.

I would like to thank you for everything. Thanks for giving me rides during the times of showery or buring hot seasons. Thanks for accompanying me to shop for things, watching boring independent movie like 'Mean Creak', listening to my troubles and stupid opinions.

You know what? I guess you are correct in some senses. It is really hard for us to get true friend nowadays. In the process of growing up, we tend to change or even forced to undergo a total transformation, both mentally and physically. Like what I said, try to turn back and look at your high school pals, how many of them have changed? Some of them turned into a total stranger, whom you couldn't remember you used to be their best friend. I am really glad that you offer me a chance to be your friend. :) No worries, my friend, you are not going to turn into a cow, bull, horses or anything like that in your next life to return my kindness.. hahaha.. I guess you will be my life partner in your next life (coz you said a couple would get together normally is because of owing each other debts mah!! :p ) Joke lah. Impossible, my dear Protocol. I have been trying to fulfil my part as a friend. You never owe me anything, 'That's what friends are for!" Always remember that...

No matter how the time changes, you got to remember that I just want you to be happy and free. As happy as a little girl who has no worries in mind and as free as a bird, which is able to fly high. Chase away your sadness, no need to torture yourself for something or someone that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY not suitable for you but brought you a huge pail of tears. Next time, when you are crying, my friend, always remember that your tears are meant for yourself, not anyone else. You cry only because you feel like relieving your agony, that's all! And, the utmost important thing is that there will always be someone, like your dearest mother and a stupid friend like me to stand by you. Ya, I don't mind you giving me a misscall to ask me calling back. hehehe.. even though it is quite expensive :). hahha However, I think it should be a kind of honor for me to lend me your ears. YES, years later, after you got yourself a nice job and wonderful family, you wouldn't even remember my name! yeah! :P so, I guess I have to treasure it! :P

At the moment, from the bottom of my heart, sincerely, I want to wish you ALL the best. Protocol, I want you to smile and laugh like crazy, ya, I just want you to be happy, nonetheless, please bear in mind, when you are down or feeling blue, I many not be the one to hug you or solve your problems (soemtimes I just couldn't reach you! :p) but, I will definitely be the one to listen to you. You will NEVER be lonely, as long as I am still alive! yeah!

Protocol, get a good job and good husband ya! :P

Remember me forever!

MUAKSS!!

Brokeback Mountain

(photo taken from: http://www.wjzone.com)

Oh, I guess it is pretty late for me to talk about the Oscar movie like ‘Brokeback Mountain’. (Chloe and Tasha had their film reviews weeks ago and yet I am only ‘going’ to talk about it right now. :P)

Nope, it’s ok, as I am not here to make comments about the award-wining film. I love watching movies, especially when the contents are related to some controversial issues or the films are not covered with thick commercializing values. In this case, I love ‘Brokeback Mountain’. I love it from the bottom of my heart, not merely because of the hot characters in the picture or the debatable story line. The meaning captivates me, yes, the hidden agenda behind the film is a bravo message that touches my heart, even at the moment I am typing this post…

In one of the interviews from presses, Ang Lee noted that, "I am not making a homosexual movie. It is actually a film with a meaning for everyone. Everyone has one ‘Brokeback Mountain’ deep inside his or her heart. But, none of us really dare to climb up the mountain, explore the scenery and new experiences…until someday, when we are thinking of discovering the untouched mountain, we might miss out something…" (I translated his words based on my memory, so forgive me if I interpret it wrongly in some senses, sorry ya!)

Like what I have told Tasha, I couldn’t smile for few days after watching the movie as the story lingers in my mind. In the movie, Jack blamed Ennis for not trying to build a new life with him so both of them were left with Brokeback Mountain, the only space that was truly belonged to them.

Isn’t it true? If Ennis accepted the offer of Jack earlier, Jack might not be beaten to death. However, some of you might argued that the same thing will happen even they have their stay together because the society at that period of time did not allow the existence of homosexual. Aha, you must be like Ennis for having a thought like this. Ennis refused to try as the scene of a gay being killed brutally haunted him. Ennis’s father was the blood-curdling killer, who didn’t have guilt when taking his two sons to see the mutated corpse. Due to the passed experiences or the similar cases that took place around us, we tend to have shadows and taking a simple route in search of solutions – ‘ESCAPE’ like a coward.

Without guts, we won’t be able to climb the mountain, as we are worrying if we will fall, we will get hurt and whether we will die. Many people have no balls to fight for one self, taking the easy way to remain at the current statues quo, which seems to be the safest and tolerable within a conventional social context. Since the result is unpredictable and filled with uncertainties, Ennis could have doubled up his stake, staying with Jack like couples, true couples, under a ‘real’ roof that are meant for them. Even if they were still going to die, at least, well, at least they would have the memories, of leading the life like normal passionate lovers openly. Maybe it would be a better ending than smelling at the deceased’s shirt and shedding down tears hopelessly.

My friend, Lampfly cannot accept the story. For an extremist like her, homosexual is something sinful and disgusting. She claimed to be disturbed by the love story of two guys in Brokeback Mountain. :p hahha, it’s ok, some people just couldn’t take spicy food. That’s fine.

Chloe and Tasha love the movie, as much as I do (?? Maybe!! :P), I suppose. I loved the story very much and I was wondering if I am having a Brokeback Mountain in my heart, like what I asked Chloe after watching the film,

“Maybe I have one Brokeback Mountain in my heart, like Jack and Ennis, so I could feel a certain connection that touched my heart completely…”

She startled and then laughed like crazy. Obviously, no answer from her…

Haha, no worries, my friends, I am definitely not a lesbian. I love ogling at hot guys more than anything else. :p hehe… I am perfectly normal. Nevertheless, I guess I have something in my heart, which makes me inclusively into the story of the two cowboys…

Jack told Ennis at their last meeting in the mountain, "you know what? Sometimes I miss you so much and I cannot stand on it…”

That’s a famous quote in the movie. I guess I know his feeling when the words uttered from his mouth. His affection and emotion displayed are nothing more than helplessness and despair. He was trying to float on the sea, but he failed and drowned…

I understand his sentiment; completely… it’s like catching vapor with your palms. You knew it and you could feel it but others don’t and they wouldn’t agree or believe that you have caught something. Finally, you started to doubt yourself, due to their judgments and suspicions…

Brokeback Mountain- It speaks to my heart…

Lost

How is it feels like when you are losing something? I had that kind of experience before. When I was just a kid, I lost my favourite white teddy bear. I misplaced it somewhere when I last played it with my cousins.

At the moment I couldn't get it and held her in my arms, I was anxious, nervous and in turmoil. I ransacked the entire areas within my home; pestering my mum by asking her where was my bear, over and over again, until she yelled at me loudly and threatening to spank me. To me, the bear was my precious baby, when I lost it, I felt like my entire heart became empty. I couldn't cry, I lost myself in my own mind. Deep inside my heart, I could hear my myself crying badly for my little baby. I was in agony and went silent for days. Anyway, I looked calm, just found it hard to have an ease of mind in whatever I was doing.

Finally, weeks after weeks, I covered the sadness in my heart as there was nothing I could do. I had my smiles back. However, I stopped touching my other toys since then, refusing to talk or discuss anything regarding the teddy bears with my small friends or cousins.

One particular day, when my mother was cleaning up her room, she found my bear. He lied under the closet, quietly, displaying no emotion when I got him in my warm embrace. At the moment I touched him in my finger toes, I burst into tears. I cried and cried and cried, until my mum had to coax me with candies.

Sometimes, when you are totally hopeless about something, couldn't even see a glimmer of light, which means that your heart is having its dead end. Nonetheless, rememeber that some miracle might happen. When you are having that kind of surprise out of the blue, I guarantee you, you will be filling with emotions, You couldn't speak properly and your heart would split into two, rising into the sky with their invisible wings.

Your worries all gone in once. Relieving, you would feel like you are getting lighter, as the big stone that was pressing your psyche is wearing off.

Yes, the tears would drop as there isn't any distressful emotion, which you intend to hide.

You are emotionally and spiritually revived or regenerated.

Great, isn't it?!

Aging!

One sunny day, Chloe and I had lunch at the worst eatery in Section 14. The weather was burning hot; the sun was radiating warmth, which killed majority of the humans at the hawker center, mentally, I mean. :p The evil sun light forbade others to stand still and I couldn’t help but imagined myself soaking in a big pool of ice cubes…

After ordering her fried ‘Kuey Tiaw’, silently, Chloe sat in front of me. None of us had the ‘spirit’ in chatting. We were badly ‘burnt’ by the miserably hot weather. We were thinking of scrambling for the food with our big mouths and then shoot off.

Suddenly, Chloe stared at her right side firmly. At first, I ignored it; I thought she was ogling at a group of hot guys. However, after one minute, she was still looking fixedly at the same direction. Naturally, I found it weird and moved my eyesight to her right.

Nope, there weren’t any striking man with well-build muscles. “Could it be several sexy chicks who dressed to kill?” (This thought definitely plays in your mind right now because both beautiful and sexually attractive males and females would attract attentions! :*P) But, hell, no! It was a group of middle-aged working ladies who had their bites during the lunch hours at that messy eatery.

Scratching my head, I asked, “ Hey, what are you looking at? What’s so special about them?”

Chloe, "Chia, I am scared. Within ten years times, we are going to look like them. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to wear thick make-up to hide my wrinkles, neither do I going to wear those flowery long skirts nor carrying ‘auntie-like’ handbag! What to do, what to do?” Chloe stated, with her vacant eyes, searching for some consolations from my pale face…

Having another glance at those ladies, I was panicked. I imagined myself dressing up like them, wearing thick make-up, which turned my face into that type of zombie’s complexion, but still, there are cracks all over the corner of my eyes, lips and forehead due to the spreading of unfixable wrinkles … Hell, I don’t want that to happen to me, I will never dress up like an auntie, NEVER EVER! Sadly, the truth is even if we wear like a teenager, we are still getting older. This is a fact, we are getting older, day after day, years after years…

Remember the time when you were only 15 or 16? Who cares about aging? We had plenty of youthful years for us to waste, we were so naïve and proud of our age and felt like we could grab everything with our smooth and soft palms…but, now, I am 21 years old and I start to worry about Newton’s theory of gravity, so much, until the grudges toward apples getting deeper and deeper. Aren’t you afraid of it? My friend Protocol does.

Two years ago, once, Protocol gave me a ride to school. She was listening to mix.fm in that ideal morning. The song being played at that time was Avil Lavigne’s-‘Complicated’.

Protocol asked, “ Eh, what song is that har? It sounds nice, who is the singer?”

I replied, “ Avil Lavigne. She is the hottest female rock star at this moment in America. She is only 16, even younger than us!”

Out of the blue, Protocol turned completely insane. With her hands holding the steering, her eyes opened wide, glancing me with her stark bewildered gaze, which is filled with bloody red veins and helplessness. She yelled her entire heart out into the air.

“Chia, what are we supposed to do? Once upon a time, everyone was older than us, now what I have been hearing is that this girl and that girl is younger than us, HOW, HOW! HOW!”

I was frightened. I was worried that if she was going to pull out the entire steering as she was grabbing it with her whole inner strength. My life was in her hands. Luckily, she was comforted by my sweet and white lies.

“Nope, you are still young and pretty. Be obedient har! Nothing actually, this Lavigne girl is younger than us, but it’s all about the age. You know lah, those Caucasians all look much older than their real ages. We are still younger. No worries. Now, be good girl, drive gingerly ya…”

Finally, I was able to coax her and calmed her down with my angelic sweet words and smiles. That incident took place two years ago, when we were only 19 but aging had been our greatest enemy since then… in fact, I have constructed a picture in my mind of what I am going to look like in the coming ten, twenty or even thirty years. I would like to share it with you all:

What is your feeling after looking at the above pictures? The first is my own picture, which I took months ago whereas the rest I collected them from members.cruzio.com, http://www.mgwis.com/, and http://www.sorrellmcintyre.com/. Those aging pictures might not really resemble my outlook but these are the samples of my steps in aging. Scary, isn’t it? Yes, before constructing the photos, I thought I will go berserk after getting the entire image but I didn’t, fortunately.

I admitted that I was down after putting myself into that big picture of aging process. None of the humans in this world will be willing to have ugly old face, loose and dry skins, wrinkles, white and thin hair, damaged body figure and weak cognitive abilities. Nonetheless, who could stop themselves from that? We can never escape from the curse of losing our youth, so, let’s face it naturally.

Let’s make it this way, without the aging process, we wouldn’t gain experiences and wouldn’t have a wide and varied world views and we will never realize the joy of young age… hahah…sort of like comforting one self, I guess this is the only way to ease my pain. :p Hey, you! Don’t laugh at me. Are you getting more and more reluctant in admitting that you are turning one year older before the exact day of your birthday? Even if it is 11.59 pm, you would still regard yourself not getting any year older. At last, the clock’s ticks bring you to another brand new day; you fall into another age range. Finally, you are frustrated, grieving and shrieking curses to the heaven! :p I know you have been doing that, admit it lah!! :p

The Hardest Thing

The hardest thing in this world is to communicate with another mankind.

Don't you think so?

Here, I am not talking about those amiabilities or random conversations with those, whom we barely know. I am refering to those who are close to you, like your friends, your family members, your greatest pals... I used to hate people who are hypocritical, I detest the way they interact with others, I was sicked of their fake kindness and smiles...However, if you really consider it from another aspect, isn't it a better way to maintain a general type of relationship with others? Sometimes, keeping a distance is the panecea for every relationships problems...

When you really care about a particular person, you tend to take him or her words seriously, the problem here is that the particular mankind would dissapoint you in someway. This is not a kind of generalization. The chances are there, nobody can run away from it.

Meanwhile, if you really care about a person, deep inside your heart, his or her simple gestures, responses, attitude can mean a lot to you. That's owing to my own experience, maybe it is due to my sensitivity, but I really take things very seriously, only if the particular person I am interacting with is special to me. That's why, I could even get hurt through those non-verbal communication. Nonetheless, I will never show it! No worries for that. I won't do something that will spolit my image. :P

One of my pals once noted that,

"You always treat others nicely. Sometimes far beyond the way it should be. It is not really good because others would turn to rely on you for everything and they wouldn't cherish it! Ya, take things for granted! And, the utmost stupid thing is that you never expect anything from your friends when you are deep down in troubles..."

"In the contrast, you bear high-expectation for your own performances in almost every aspects! Come on, I know that you are truly a perfectionist and individualist, but not everything in life can be perfect... Don't care about others and don't take things too seriously. Sometimes, you have to live up your life for yourself, rather than others..."

My dear pal, thanks for your advice. In the circle of relationship, be it within couple or friends, I have not much expectations...Even if it is a one-way street, I resigned my life to lot. By the way, I am not treating everyone equally good, I guess there is someone, who is really unique but I tend to screw up the relationship and keeping our hearts, further away, like falling apart in two different planets. I don't mean it...But, sometimes, I think this is due to the frames we set on each other. We tend to 'frame' each other in an intended way so once we accidentally step out from the lines, we bear grudges toward each others. There are too many times, we keep the problems in the dark, pretending that there isn't anything 'serious'. This leads to the growing of thorns, which prick my heart, sometimes...

My dear pal, things are easier to be said than done. My life doesn't belong to me. It is not mine. I owe my mother damn a lot of 'debts', which I could never ever return in my entire life... perhaps, I will be freed, after getting this degree. I would strive something for myself, pursue my very own dream...

Yeah.. as free as a bee or bird? Well, whatever!

No matter how, life is still going on. Let's cheers for tomorrow.