The Haunting

I stay at the so-called dorm/hostel near the school I work with as it is fully furnished and easy for me to get to my office everyday. Even though I am surrounded by students and paying more than the market price over here, I still like it here as it is safe and convenient if you compare to other places.

After residing here for several months, I realize that something just does not seem to be right.

Please have a look at the picture below:

This is the building right behind my room. I took the picture from my room's window. The building is empty as none of the students occupy the rooms for some reasons. In fact, the building looks no different from mine; however I have witnessed some abnormal phenomenon for quite a few times.

The empty rooms, normally the left one on top and also the right one at the first floor would have their lights turned on at night for no reasons. It doesn't happen everyday but just once in a while, generally on weekend when everybody here have gone back to hometown for family time.

No, nobody is staying there and I do not think that the people from the management office or security guards would go there in the middle of the night to just 'enlighten' the rooms.

It was a Saturday late night when I fist discovering that, I was curious at first, wanting to find out if anybody had moved in but obviously, there was no sign of new tenants since the windows were still locked. It was spooky. I pulled the curtains and continue marking the paper while the heart was pumping fast.

Then, my mind ran wild. I started imagining about 'something else' that might be staying there then.

As expected, I had a sleepless night. Though luckily, so far nothing scary took place (*touch wood/*knock on the wood).

Generally, the lights would go off 'automatically' before morning. I braced up myself to make a 'close' observation' through the window two weeks ago. The lights went on from 11 something at night.I turned in around 3am, the lights were still on. There was no noise, no shadow, nothing, just pure silence with lights.

Sometimes, I think I am superstitious and overly imaginative. I should not think too much and I have never killed or inflicted death on anybody. There should be nothing I shall worry about.

Many unexplained complications hail from the heart.

想当年

今早悠闲的准备上班时, 一位失去联络了五六年的朋友竟奇迹般的捎来了一些亲切的问候语。我有些惊讶； 受宠若惊之感不禁油然而生。

在短短的几分钟客套话之后，一段断了线的友谊在瞬间得到了重生的机会。我们聊着彼此的近况， 不约而同的为对方的生活感到高兴。谈话间也不可避免的触及了昔日的同伴们， 因而获知了不少令人意外的消息。时间过得好快，岁月真的不饶人。大家在毕业各分东西失去联络后的变动真的很大。不过，值得庆幸的是多数的人都还过得不错；唯独当日年少轻狂的赤子之心已荡然无存。但是，一同拥有的疯狂回忆总有些会记录在泛黄青春期的某处吧？很多时候我们只需要花些心思打开记忆的按钮，抛在脑后的往事就会一幕幕浮现。

这位‘奇迹朋友’我至七岁那年便认识了。我们入读同一间小学之后升上同一间中学，都被分配在同一班。高中毕业之后也选读同一间大学﹑更住在宿舍里的同一层楼。认识了这么多年，和她感情最好的时候却是在初中。 那时傻傻的她会很早到学校，呆呆的我就会特地早去上学，然后和她坐在食堂里天南地北的乱谈一番；她也会特意从学校顶着大太阳步行到我家，让我帮她胡乱设计发型。当时的我们拼了老命的要耍酷而滥用发胶和吹风筒。不过，说真的，有时候效果是不错啦！

当时的我们还热衷于创意设计鞋带，我们会利用课余或上课的时间交换心得，分享我们看到或意外研发的‘最酷’鞋带绑法。我们也会和另一些同样轻狂的友人一起讲别人的闲话﹑像傻婆一样的乱笑﹑气哭老师﹑逃课﹑挑嬉书呆子男生及参与很多‘阿莲’少女会做的事情。不过，我们可不是什么都不会的‘飞女’叻！我们这群人可都是精英班数一数二的人才哟！叛逆的心应该每一个少年人们都有吧。更何况我们并没有杀人放火， 成绩还是好好的，老师们才拿我们没法子嘞！

感情既然这么好为什么会失去联络呢？

说实话，我并不清楚。可能这就是人性吧！

记忆中，我们从来都没有什么冲突。小小的不悦与争执自然难免但若要到积恨而远离彼此的地步绝对没有。仔细的想了想，彼此的隔阂是从大学开始，那个时候大家都有了新朋友， 开始了不同的生活圈子。距离因此而来。大家应该都在猜忌，觉得人人都变，变得不在乎旧朋友了，不再需要对方了。就这样，把手一放， 珍贵的友情掉了。

然而，我们当时并不觉得可惜因为年轻的我们总认为没了这个朋友没关系，我还有一大群新朋友叻！至到有一天，人生开始有了历练，自己的心里才会发觉友情真的是酒，好酒越久越醇。要拥有二十个嘻嘻哈哈的朋友很容易，不过要找个了解你并拥有共同回忆的人真的比登天还难。

朋友告诉我她和往日的同伴那天还驱车去我中学时代住的旧家，想要找我叙旧， 不过找不着因为我早在几年前搬了。我听了真的吓了一跳，我真的重没想过在经过重重误会﹑重伤和多年后的今天还有人会记得我。内心难免有些感动。

她说她很想念我妈妈所煮的糖水和点心，我嘴角顿时往上扬。

心里觉得暖暖的。

人最需要的是学会放开一切的怨恨。就记得那些美好的部分不就够了吗？

这是我和我朋友的故事，与你共勉之。

这个夜晚

这个夜晚有点痛。若你问我有多痛？ 我无法去衡量。只知道自己呆呆的坐在地上， 傻了似的看着湿湿的瓷砖。

眼泪流了好几个小时，从眼角一直到脖子，没有间断过。感觉上好像很难过，不过无法哭出任何声音。

四周又很不巧静静地，真是另一个容易让人感到惆怅的时刻。

那天刚看完由江角真纪子所主演的《爱情革命》，觉得女主角在剧中所说的一席话特别有意思。她道：

“每个女人的鞋柜里总有一双不合脚的鞋。这双鞋往往非常美观但是在逼自己穿上时却非常不舒服﹑脚趾和脚更总被磨破而疼痛不已。 但是，女人却绝对不舍将它丢弃，天真的相信在多穿几次就会合脚，结果双脚白白受罪了好长的一段时间。最终，固执的女人还是会把鞋子留下，因为深信并等待着那虚幻的‘总有一天’。”

人真的很喜欢自欺欺人。

没人比我更了解我自己。我只要把悲伤流露出来，睡个好觉， 明天依然是美好的。

Five Years

Recently, several people shot me with the same question--" So, what do you see yourself in five years?"

The Question seems to be simple but actually it is not easy to answer. It concerns about your future plan and what you would like to achieve in five years. Obviously, everybody think that I am OLD enough to have a decent plan for myself, in terms of direction in life and also career development. I wasn't able to give the answer right on the spot, my mind raced in search for correct answer, wondering about the BIG accomplishments I ought to have after turning 30.

However, the people who questioned have their goals set in their mind already. As such, they are able to list down whatever they want to achieve in five years while I was doing the thinking.

My colleague, Nen, is a very pretty lady. She is 27 years old at the moment and is busying planning to get married with someone special before turning 30. She said that she is yearning for a settled life, having own family and stable career. As such, her vision in 5 years will be getting married, having a happy family with some children and then maybe furthering study in PHD so that can have a greater promotion at work. However, right now she doesn't have a suitable life partner yet, so she is working hard to get one. Though, I don't think she will need to worry about anything because her cute face can simple attract guys to got in line, waiting patiently for the chance to date her. But, the problem remains since it is really hard to get the RIGHT one nowadays.

My silly housemate, Josephine , who is also 27 years old, happens to be the luckiest woman in this world. She is married to a husband who treats her as if she was the utmost precious diamond in this whole universe. Having a fulfilling and wonderful marriage, she noted that in five years, she would like to obtain her PHD title so that people will address her Dr. Kuah. Besides, her ultimate dream is to open a big private kindergarten where she will be the principal, handling the management and business but not teaching. She would hire a lot of young teachers to do it so that she can earn a lot of money in a very relax manner. Meanwhile, she can start planning having her own babies as it will be easier for her to just place the kids she has at her kindergarten after raising them to a certain age. She can be hilarious sometimes but she is a undoubtedly a very persistent fighter. In this case, I think her vision should not be too hard to achieve.

Dr. Yeoh, the great assistant professor claimed that he would want to become a real Professor in five years, earning more than 10K salary every month and enjoying life at a nice foreign land like New Zealand. Well, seriously, for someone as experienced as him, the so-called plan is just a piece of cake. His salary is very close to 10K right now. In addition, he has a lot of experience teaching overseas. His qualification is good enough to be accepted anywhere in this world. So, again, for him, this is something that will definitely happen in the coming future. He will certainly achieve his plan in five years.

How about me?

I think at my age, which is not that youthful anymore, I should have some 'mature' plans in life, too. So, after thinking for a while, I think I have a list of things that I would like to accomplish in five years so that I can be whom I want to be afterwards.

I would like to first, obtain a master degree from a good university so that I can officially being promoted to lecturer. Secondly, I would like to clear all the debts I have, I owed a huge sum of money to government, friend and also family members. Thirdly, I want to sponsor my parents to trips, at least once a year besides able to give them some pocket money every month. Forth, I want to settle down, too, get married and have my own family but no kids yet! Fifth, I would like to pursue my PHD after my master degree. Sixth, I want to realise my 'flying' dream-- fly high in the sky. Yeah, travel at least once a year to foreign place, let's start from Japan!

I think, my plans are a bit not realistic. Anyways, somebody told me that we have to always set the goals high so that when we couldn't achieve the vision completely, at least the result we have won't fall too far away from the goals we set at first.

So, let's start from the first step, furthering my master study! I have been planning and working on it! Wish me luck.

How about you? What do you see yourself in five years?

Whatever you have wished for, I believe that you can do it, just trust yourself and look up the self-fulfilling prophecy theory! Yeah!

一封信

给一位特别的朋友：

我知道你不可能会上来我的“布洛格”读这封信。你应该不知道我有这样的一个‘自我’空间。但是，我还是很想把心中的一些话写下。不为什么，也许只想记下这特别的一天。

谢谢你对我的绝对信任与依赖；虽然我压根儿帮不上任何忙，却万分的乐意借你我聆听的耳朵。我并没有资格给予任何肯定对的答案因为事事都没有绝对，我们都处在一个灰色地带， 所谓的对跟错只有我们自己可以定论。

今天听到了你有所决定，我真的很为你高兴。虽然很有可能你在通知我的下一秒就开始再次犹豫﹑举棋不定，可是，无论如何，我还是要献上最真的祝福。这可是你在向我倾诉了一段日子后第一次有了一个明确决定，所以这算是一种进步吧？

人都要经历很多才能有所成长，而你在异国奋战的这几个岁月里肯定能明显的发现自己心态上的改变吧。我虽然认识你有一段时间了，但真正和你的心有点靠近却在不久前。很好笑叻！也许是那充满人体极限挑战的艰难夏季给了我们友谊升华的一个机会吧。不过，我们真正的心灵交会却是在我回流后所得到的意外收获。你让我应証了真情无界限的道理，谢谢你喔！

无论如何，在你做下慎重决定的这一天，我在我狂妄的个人空间为你记下了这一页。梦想一定要去追求，但不要坚持用同一种方式。很多时候，盲目追寻的当儿我们却忘了就在弹指间的幸福。

我帮你立下一个新目标—‘二零零九年的你一定要在做下决定后获得重生，体验真正的快乐’。

相信我，这真的不会很难。加油。

一位奇怪的朋友，
诗笳 敬上

keep flying

The best thing about staying at a deserted area which is super far away from home is, you can save a lot of money because you won't be able to travel back to home as usual as others. You save a lot from gas.

So, at your spare time, especially during the weekend, you tend to just hop in car and drive around the town that has nothing to offer. It is hard for you to spend money when you can't even find a theater or any other decent shops around the area. As such, I think I am richer than those who will just simply pass by ten big shopping malls on their way back from work.

You are so freaking free on the weekend, to a stage where you start developing 'weekend phobia' because you will be the only soul in the whole house, left with nothing to do and nobody to talk with, besides grazing on notes, preparing the coming classes and getting pissed at some old maid who is clinically proven to be a psychopath.

Then, you started to question yourself about the decision you made about accepting the job and moving here.

Though, recapturing the moments I have in class and also some lovely students that I have, I realised that it was a right decision. I love teaching, I love the attention people have on me when I speak in front of the class. No, I am not an attention whore, I just love the feeling of sharing my knowledge in front of the kiddoes who are interested in learning.

I am thankful for accepting the offer because in someways, it helps me to obtain the direction in life. I like to teach and I really enjoying sharing experience. This is a Good sign since I am approaching the age of 25, it's time for me to have a clear vision in life while bearing the plan to settle down.

However, the other part of mine still remains as a bird without legs, yearning for the chance to fly high around the sky, having no destinations and no where to stop.

Though, legless bird will end up dying young, out of exhaustion and starvation. It does not sound like a pleasant outcome.

But, there are times I couldn't help but wonder, isn't it a wonderful way to end your life after witnessing all of the greatness in this universe?

疯了

最近疯了。

每天对着一群群明明年龄和我相差不远，思想却有着十万八千里之差的稚气孩童，我真的觉得我在这一个月里老了三十岁。

日复一日的以长者身份谆谆善诱，分享知识与人生经验，犹如一个花甲老人对着围绕在大树下的孩儿述说故事。搞什么呀？就在不久的之前，我不是还在舞厅猛喝烈酒，疯狂乱舞吗？怎么现在回想起来好像是一个世纪以前的事了？

我真的好老。左邻右舍不是资深讲师就是博士狂人，天天一起吃饭哈拉所谈的不外是学生表现和深造，没法子再和任何人一起畅谈什么明星，服装和人生小秘密了。我真的需要一点除了学术上以外的消遣。

四周住满了莘莘学子，出去丢个垃圾也得换衣，深怕被某某某撞见，到学校大做文章；一些稍为年长却尚无对像的绿眼妖怪也会对我的打扮评头论足，尽搞些幼稚的小动作。真的很令我作呕。哎！女人何苦为难女人？尤其是那些老女人特别奇怪。哦！我也是老女人一个吗？可能噢，但至少，我不是变态野蛮的老剩女。

不过，说真的，干这一行的，还真的有很多单身贵族。是因为人生的大半辈子都花在很多的文凭与论文的关系上吗？还是因为学历高而自命清高，眼睛长在头上？依我看，应该是只会读书而不会和人沟通吧？

我不知道，最近生活真的有些极端。

不过，我还蛮喜欢目前的生活，只是希望可以在下班后跳出 '老师' 的圈圈。

相信我，我真的不是一个只会说教的老人，我曾经也是活得很精彩的！T_T

Home?

So, I have been home for almost 6 months. I was overjoy at first because seriously, I missed my family and also my homeland a lot. I know it might not be the best country in this whole universe, but since I grew up here, I thought this is a land where I can call 'Home'.

When I was away, I missed my hometown miserably- I missed the food, I missed the people, I missed the language, I missed the sense of belongingness.

After struggling for a while, I am able to get a proper job. Even though I am really far away from my family right now but still, I am doing something that I enjoy doing and earning decent money. There is nothing much to complain about.

However, after completely returning to my original identity, I am really not happy. I am not sure if this is somewhere I belong to anymore.

Recently, I am really disgusted by the chaotic situation here.

So, there were this group of youngsters who behaved like those uncivilized jungle men from Amazon river, yelling at one respectable leader who was on wheelchair, surrounded him and put him into totally helpless situation, used bad languages on him and then pulling people who were trying to help this leader to get into his way.

For some reasons, the BUNCH of guards or securities people were too WEAK to stop anything, allowing a man with dignity to get humiliated.

Then, some extremely 'brilliant' elder leaders stood up and defend the younger group, saying that they did nothing wrong and will never apologise even though their action were caught on video, uploaded online and viewed by millions worldwide.

Some extrememly barbaric behaviours like 'threatening' through certain object were being repeated for times.

A female leader's naked photos were exposed to the public by her previous boyfriend from a different race. The boyfriend haven't got caught yet and actually to be honest, he will NEVER get caught. Some clever people pointed their fingers at the victim, urging her to resign.

One reputable local newspaper decided to highlight the naked photo issue at the front page, thinking that it was a 'scoop' that was going to rule.

There were people who keep playing racial cards, and then keep accusing innocent decent folks creating chaos among races.

A man who was accused of stealing car were suspected to be abused to death when being detained.

There was violence involved at certain demonstrations, but nothing being covered by mainstream media.

There were loads of raping, killing, robbing cases, nobody really care to take any action. Victims were condemned for being not careful.

Those who shouldn't be jailed were jailed, whereas those who ought to be locked were eating lobsters in fancy restaurants.

People who should lead are fighting over power among themselves, forgetting about why they were being selected in the first place.

It is really easy to 'buy' a particular person. She will imitate a frog, jumping here and there after being paid a certain amount of money.

A local talent who was admired world wide were criticized and attacked for thousands times after being forced to apologise for creating a certain song.

Millions of talents are working for foreign countries that appreciate them because we don't care about the ability of employees here.

I used to be proud for who I am, as I thought we were a unique nation in certain ways.

Nonetheless, I won't 'day-dream' anymore. It's been 52 years, not 2 years. Nothing has been improved and nothing is going to. So far, from what I have seen, we are walking backward, heading back to the cannibalism era.

We are eating each other raw, shredding each other piece by piece.

Completely hopeless.

Let's move away...

the most beautiful watermelon in this whole universe

Wonder

In order to prepare my first research method class for tomorrow, I flipped through my previous lecturer notes 5 years ago. Fortunately, I decided to keep some of the related notes of certain subjects which I thought to be precious, else I won't be able to use them as reference right now.

So, reading through my notes, I was like on a time machine, travelling back to the old days in lecture halls. I still remember,the lecturer of the subject. She was a very special religion freak who had done her study overseas for a very long period of time. Anyways, I did not have a good time during the classes she conducted because I never like math related subjects in my entire life, whereas research method is basically about using formulas to analyze data gained from different kind of researches.

However, luckily, the mathematics and formula involved in the subjects were not too complicated. I did not do well at the mid term test but was able to catch up later and then excelled at final exam. Actually, I owe a big 'Thank You' to my pal, Lampfly who was willing to guide me when I approached her for the problems. She left her handwriting in my notebook, correcting my mistakes while reminding me to not repeat them.

Besides, I found a copy of her mid-term test paper from my folder. She was kind enough to allow me making a copy of her 'intellectual property' as a reference to the relevant answers.

Looking at her tidy handwriting, I felt a sense of familiarity.

How time flies. Not too long ago, I was the one who sat in the hall, busy copying notes and listening to the professor. Now, it's my turn to teach the college kids in research method? Seriously, I couldn't believe it myself.

I miss my old friend. Sincerely, I wish that everything goes well with her.

As for me, I wonder if I am able to take the job. Sheesh.

Raise A Chicken from Egg

I was doing some random browsing online and then out of the blue I came across the picture at the left from http://www.lonelism.blogspot.com/. The picture was kind of cute and the 'caption' wan my chuckles so I would like to have it appear in my blog; as a memory, record or something.

That was good because I feel incredibly weak right now. At least, the little funny man under gloomy cloud has eased my heart in some way.

I know that I will feel better by tomorrow but at the moment, somewhere in my heart just does not feel right, I need somebody to be here with me right now.

Perhaps, this is another symptom of anxiety for moving again. Normally, I would hide it, only those who are really close to my heart will be aware of that. Seriously, I am thankful for whatever I have right now; I am blessed with a lot of exciting stuff in life. However, I am definitely stressed out by various 'enormous' transformations in life within this two years. I kept flying, moving, changing, adapting in completely foreign atmosphere. The cycle went on and on for A LOT of times; they are 'numerous' and 'frequent' enough to drive somebody to a nerve-wrecking point. Needless to say, I have been always pretty much on my own.

I have guts, I am independent and I am tough in someways. Though, I really hate the feeling of dealing all the problems by myself ALL THE TIME. I remember there was this evening, I went berserk sobbing, yelling and crying to somebody, questioning about his position and the basic dedication he was supposed to contribute. That was a scary one. I never yelled and cried and cursed so much in my entire life before. Plus, I was driving when doing that, so almost met into car crash and died on the road at some random unknown rural area.

Yeah, it can be spooky when I go crazy. But, it won't happen so much in life.

I think I am just tired sometimes. Believe it or not, I just want my life to be simple. The real happiness can only be found through simplicity.

I am still helpless. Though, I feel like I can deal with tomorrow better now.

Good night.

白日梦

近日生活稍微悠闲的我抽空看了一片买了许久的电影光碟——《手札情緣》 英文又名‘The Notebook ’ 。 开始时我只想要打发一个无聊的午后， 对这部片子压根没抱任何寄望。我以为这只是另一出高唱“天长地久，海枯石烂”的普通无聊爱情悲剧。 当初之所以会花钱买下也只是因为它被归类于‘清盘销售’的角落, 价格不可置信的便宜。
十五岁之前，我相信永恒，信奉爱情，崇尚浪漫不切实际的电影情节。在疑惑的青春期过后，我开始知道戏剧和现实的差别，逐渐对那种天真得一蹋糊涂的爱情片近而远之。抱持着这种先入为主心态的我却在电影开始的第一秒钟被深深吸引。

这是一部改编自著名浪漫作家-尼可拉斯．史派克的同名之作。《手札情緣》 的故事其实并不突出，中心围绕着穷小子爱上富豪千金被禁止的恋爱；在无奈被逼分离之下又怎么排除万难与七年后破镜重圆。尽管剧中主角的缠绵镜头拍得如梦如幻，惊天地并泣鬼神，那样的剧情还真的是千篇一律叻！但是，它的越人之处就在于开场时那位不断重复朗读相同的爱情故事给失忆老妇聆听的年老男主角。

身患失智症的妇人忘了自己亲爱的子女和一同破除万难才得以在一起的丈夫，医生断定她绝对没办法复原。痴情的丈夫却绝不放弃，坚持搬迁至相同的疗养院，每天读着他们的爱情故事给妻子听。他所期待的是在朗读一百次相同的小说给爱妻听之后，偶尔她会有清醒的两至三分钟来认回丈夫。之后的第四分钟就会把至爱推开，视同陌路，精神崩溃。

深爱妻子的老人最不能忍受的就是在一分钟温暖的拥抱后就被大力推开， 终于在那么一天，他心碎了，看着医务人员安抚着歇斯底里的爱人，他扶坐于床沿，放身大哭。那一刻的绝望真的是刻骨铭心。

随后，老人独自的翻阅那本他每天朗读的笔记簿，原来他的爱妻在得知自己患上病后就尽快持笔记录下与丈夫的爱情故事，吩咐他在自己忘掉一切后要每天朗读给她听。在本子的第一页，她写下了如此一席话：

“只要你读给我听，我就会回到你身边。”

读到这里，你可能会很不屑的发出一声冷笑，说道：“还不是那种浪漫爱情戏？还花了半天说你不喜欢叻！不要假假啦！”

我是真的觉得在某些方面这出戏真的有些特出，也或许是纯粹被感动吧。我还是要申明， 我真的很讨厌那种现代娇情虚假的电影！

在《手札情緣》结束后，我的脑海浮现了另一出我自认为凄美的爱情电视剧-- 《解连环》 这是一出很久以前新视所开拍的短篇电视连续剧。

其中演员并不特别好，演技也属一般。但是，我在几个月前又旧剧重看还是非常喜爱。我想我应该是迷恋于那种前世今生的虚幻情节吧! 剧中男女主角投胎转世三生，各在不同阶段化成拥有不同际遇的不同人物，却誓要和同一个人相爱到底。 然而，他们的命运如何自有天安排，结果怎么样？就是那老套的一句：“天意呀！”

也许不论在如何理智、成熟的女性心底总是有一些天真烂漫的幻想。尽管自己在怎么鄙视商业化的虚假爱情电影的当儿，总会有那么几出是能够触动你的心悬﹑赚你几把眼泪的。

女人，你真是一个梦想家。

Newcomer

Sometimes, you just couldn't help but wonder about the magical impact of some random 'newcomer' in a family.
Thanks baby, you have changed ours life, you never know how grateful I felt towards you...

Love you. MUAKS.

Angel Hair Pasta

Anybody who knows me well enough will be aware of my inherent love for noodles. They could never understand why but they were amazed at my crave for all kinds of noodles. Yes, seriously I mean all kinds, be it Oriental, Western, Stir-fry, pan-fry, soup-based,instant, thin, thick, made of flour, wheat, corn or whatever. As long as it is noodles, I love them all.

I always want to have a big bowl of fish ball noodle soup after eating a lot of other food and stomach feeling really filled up. Nobody will be able to spot the reason behind, neither do I. I guess it is just because I love noodles and I always have big appetite, as simple as that.

So, today is the sixth day of Chinese New Year, I made myself my all-time-favourite ever since two years ago- Parmesan Cheese Angel Hair Pasta. This kind of pasta can be expensive if you have it at the restaurant. So, being as cheap as I usually do, I bought the instant version one and cooked it within ten minutes.

It might look regular but I can assure you, it tastes real good!

In addition,what I need here will be a big piece of roasted chicken breast, sauteed with garlic, salt, sugar and black pepper. Then, pour in a little bit of red wine and then serve with some drops of lemon juice on top of the meat. The chicken breast goes perfectly with the white sauce angel hair pasta. I prepared the full meal before, they tasted wonderful. Sadly, I don't have the mood and ingredient today. So, all I have is the thin angel hair pasta with creamy white sauce.

I guess the moral of this post is to tell you all that I am a gourmet and noodles-lover. Plus, I can really cook, sometimes.

Now, take out a glass, I want to hear the 'clinking' sound.

Ok, cheers. May all of you have a prosperous Chinese New Year! GONG XI FA CHAI.

Irony

When I was getting my water bottle from the cabinet today, I spotted one of my colleagues' bottles with a very interesting quote printed around its body.

It goes--

" I travel the world to search for what I NEED but I found it at home."

I am totally clueless about the source of the quotation but I shall say I really like it.

Isn't it ironic? We always go far to achieve some so-called goals and dreams and what not. Then, lastly, we realise what we need was just at your finger tips.

However, without making the effort to get off the track, you will never know what you really need.

A big irony indeed.

Flawless

Is it really wonderful to have a perfect life which is plain-sailing; running smoothly without any big difficulty, struggle or challenges? I am sure that we all have have this kind of friends around us, who never have to worry about anythings in life as they were born with 'golden spoons' in their mouth. As an addition to their fortunate life, some of them were even gifted with stunning outward appearance, vital-statistic figures and also a blissful family.

The only few issues that bother them the most will be something like: 'What should I wear for tonight's dinner?' 'I have gained some weight, I need to lose down.' 'My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't treat me right.' 'I don't have enough money for the brand new luxury laptop and fancy car.'

After fulfilling their tertiary education, this blessed group can work anywhere and do whatever they want since they do not have to worry about paying for themselves- the parents bought them cars and even provide them with places to stay and plenty of nice food to eat. They spend the money to buy all kinds of fancy stuff for themselves, going on trips on a regular basis, falling in love with their special ones, getting married and eventually settling down by starting own family.

It might sound boring in someways but I am pretty sure that some of us dreamt of that kind of flawless way of living before. Come on, admit it, once in a while, we all do. Then, normally, we utter a long sigh, complaining about how terrible our destiny is and how unfair life can be.

Well, I guess life is never fair then. I always yearn to be in the lucky group but too bad, I am always in a totally opposite position. As such, I always work harder than anyone else because there is one old-school saying,"working your own luck". So, speaking from experience, if you strive harder, most of the time miracles will happen, though the process will be really tough. If your will is strong enough, after tonnes of tears and sweat, what you have wished for might come true someday. However, there is no guarantee for that. The irony is that we just have to strive harder if you were not blessed.

I am not a religion fanatic but for some reasons, I strongly believe in Karma. No, not so much on the previous life concept but mainly on the total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.

What goes around, comes around. What you have done determines what you get later. That sounds fair, right?

Besides, the universal principle does not believe in perfection, too. Recently, I heard a story from a friend. This friend's friend( let's name him 'Guy A') killed himself few months ago by jumping off a building. ' Guy A' was having the utmost perfect life, which envied by every single creature in this world. He was a young and handsome pilot with piles of money in the bank. He got to travel from time to time, having big house, nice car and prominent parents. Plus, he had a gorgeous girlfriend whom he had been seeing for more than ten years.

Nobody could understand the reason for someone as awesome as him to killing himself. Though, rumours went around, saying that he was actually a homosexual and had been hiding inside the closet for his entire life. The pressure from the conservative society and religion were killing him pieces by pieces. So, one day 'Guy A' just decided to end all of his misery by leaving this cruel world.

Life is a tricky game. Be sure to play it right.

Sooooo Human

Humans are a composition of various different kinds complicated components. As such, we are way different from other creatures. We have emotions and brain- we think, we feel, we laugh and we cry.

As a human being, seriously, I think that mankind is an enigma, the more you get to know about this species, the more questions you have.

We are proclaimed as the highest level of animals as 'most' of us have culture, affections, knowledge,and rationale behind actions. We have the ability to love something and somebody that leads to selfless devotion and sacrifice.

However, being the so-called highly intelligent class, we are incredibly unpredictable, too. At this minute, we can love something to death, but at the next minute, there is a possibility for us to just throw the stuff into the drain without even realising it; totally forgot about how we once might kill to get it.

There were too many couples who declared their vows and got married out of love; though, after going through challenges in the shared new life, the feelings and affections faded away. Eventually, it follows by ugly disputes, hatred against each other, betrayal, affair, ill-assorted couples or maybe divorce.

Why humans are so forgetful? We forgot the reasons to like something or somebody. In the contrast, as time goes by, we feel like other party is changing and he or she is not the same anymore. In fact, everything is the same, it is the heart that changes.

When the heart is not there, lovely gifts turn into trashes; scrumptious meals taste like crap; dressing up became slutty.

Actually, same thing applies to friendship, too. Recently, many of my friends had been complaining that they have no more real friends as they are losing contact with previous school mates. Now all they have are colleagues, who they had fun with sometimes, and it stops with that. They said it is hard to get a real friend who really understand you or care about you anymore.

You will ask, then why not reconnecting with previous pals? Honestly, it's hard because the heart is not there anymore. Most of them are busy with work, new responsibility, boyfriend and some are even married. Perhaps, humans are only able to focus at one thing at a time, so, we chose to throw away something that was precious for us but seemed to be not-so-helpful right now- real friendship.

Well, I am sure that there will be some exceptions. Some people are really able to maintain whatever relationships till the end of their life, with a same friend or spouse, but I would say it is rare as it requires a lot of hard work. So, some people would choose to give up.

Love is really an abstract thing. You can't explain it to anybody. It is just funny that once you thought that you had a life long real friend whom you could give up everything for but after going through too much misunderstanding and miscommunication, the heart gets really tired. Next, you made up your mind to give up entirely. Then, someday you were able to meet up with him or her under a very rare circumstances, you might be glad but you won't have the thrill anymore. You won't feel sad or hateful either, there was no any special emotions. The person will just appear to be another regular friend. At last, you started wonder and sort of amazed at yourself for the dedicated you were willing to offer unconditionally last time.

You know that you will never 'give' anymore.

In short, I think any forms of relationships need a lot of 'give'. However, people started from 'give' to just merely 'take'. That's just so human nature. We are all selfish jerks.

向昨天说再见

第一次听到这首歌的时候我只有十岁？实际年龄记不得了，只知道当时只略知一些英文单字的我就在那一瞬间被曲子浓郁的惆怅音乐深深吸引。还是个孩子的我就到处去向大人们打听，但是却徒劳无功。最后终于在报章上得知那其实是旧曲翻唱。当时红及一时的黑人组合- “从男孩到男人”以他们不凡、惊人的嗓子把最真实的情感注入了歌中，酿成了一曲绝世奇迹。

经过了无数次的字典翻查，我终于对歌词有了更深一层的了解。顿时惊觉美词艳曲在结合了浑厚完美的歌喉之后真的是足以‘杀死人’。于是，我对这首歌的痴迷程度即可达到疯狂境界。贫穷的我省吃俭用了好几个月才负担得起十八零吉的卡带。然后我就如获至宝的每天至少重复听十次，直到琅琅上口为止。也许那种浪漫少年情怀真的就只属于那个情绪化的年代吧？若干年后的我竟在不经意间把这首难得金曲给抛在记忆中的某处。珍贵的卡带在多次的搬迁后不知所踪，强烈的纯真情操随之遗失。

多年后我路经‘塔楼记录库’不经意的撞见 “从男孩到男人” 的精选专辑。如今的他们早已不如往昔，专辑自然也便宜了许多。不知为什么，就在那之后的一分钟，我拿了光碟就去柜台付钱。

接下来的四十五分钟，我飞驰于从圣塔安娜至河边九十号高速公路上，听着这首熟悉的歌曲。 再一次真真切切地被感动了。

就像歌中所提到的一样，要向昨天和过去说再见真的好难。一切的经历﹑眼泪﹑欢笑与震撼仿佛发生在昨天，可是在想要去捕捉时却又觉得很遥远。所以，我潇洒的挥了挥手，把感觉放在心里。记忆真的是一辈子的，没有任何人可以夺走它；这一切就像那首歌一样，在很多年后的今天我再次深深爱上。也因为这样，我觉得也许有那么一天我可以再拥有新的一页回忆，保有同样的人﹑事﹑物，让故事延续下去。

我只是想推荐这一首好歌，仅此而已。

Just Random

What do you think about foreign workers? I mean like those from Indonesia, Vietnam,India, Nepal, Philippine, Bangladesh, Cambodia and some other developing countries. Normally, they will be taking those blue-collared jobs which the local citizens refuse to. In fact, they are categorized as the lowest class in the society. Day after day, they are judged and stereotyped and discriminated. I talked with my friends about this group of people before and the words like 'Dangerous', 'Dirty', 'Smelly','Slutty' were heavily used.

Well, I used to agree with them as some of the generalizations can be true. Some of them do contributed to the increasing crime rate in the country. However, one thing for sure- not ALL of them are like that. In fact, just refer to the common cases of maid-abuse and some other forms of exploitations by the agents and employers. Seriously, if they have better choice, no one would want to leave their homelands and work as cleaners, maids or even worse- prostituted themselves at 5 bucks at a land which is totally strange for them. In my opinion, I think that the pressure and judgement of the 'other higher classes' around forced them to stick together closely with one another. As such, they always appear in group or gang. It is an obvious sign of insecurity.

No, I am not joining the bandwagon to voice about the maid-abuse issue. Actually, it's my present encounter with them drives me to jot down something about this special group of people. Just like any other huge company, mine also hired a lot of foreigners to do the cleaning job. Since we all share the same pantry and working area, I always have chance to observe them closely when I have nothing better to do.

All of them are from different countries but they all share a few significant traits.

1. They walk across people fast with eyes staring on the floor. I am always amazed that they were able to avoid hitting the pillars, shelves and things around them.

2. If they accidentally having eye-contact with other employees who are not doing domestic work, some kind of uneasiness will rise from their eyes. Quickly, they will look away and continue staring down.

3. When they see others coming from the front, no matter how much stuff they were carrying, they would automatically moved to the side and allowed others to walk past first.

4. During lunch hour, they would avoid sharing the same table with the rest of the people. Normally, when they had no choice, they chose to sit at a corner and tried to hide their entire head into the lunch box while eating.

5. They always looked sorry and apologised first when they thought they were blocking others' way but in fact is the other way round.

6. They never greet anybody or make any noise when non-cleaners are around.

Their inferiority is apparent. I don't know why but it kills me in someways.

I really want to say 'Hi' to them sometimes but I am not sure how would they feel and react about it. I feel sad seeing them swallowing the food from their lunch box, which is normally some curry soup over the plain rice. A lot of questions played in my mind--"Do they miss a home-cooked meals from home?"; "How often they call home?"; "When could they go home?"; "What do they feel about working here?"; "How do they think about the themselves and the other members in the society?"

Some people might think that I care too much about some unnecessary stuff. Maybe I am, though trust me, I can understand how it feels like in someway. I worked ALL kinds of job before. I worked as babysitter, maid, cashier, waitress, went selling books door-to-door and even cleaned some bathroom and toilets before for living. Life is hard and sometimes you just have to do everything to survive.

My grandparents used to have one disturbed Indonesian maid who mixed her urine into the drinking water jar and also some others who stole. Meanwhile, I had relatives who slapped and insulted her domestic helper besides pouring boiling water on her after she found out that her husband had been sleeping with the younger maid.

I guess, in general, nobody would like to be belittled or live right next to prejudice. But, we stay in a cold world, ruthless persecutions and generalizations are everywhere. Like what my Long Island host mom used to say, "Then toooOOooo bad, life is never fair.." Somehow, I think that everybody has their own destiny. Who knows, maybe after years of working, their families will be able to lead a better life.

Believe it or not, most of the time, the reason for us to be strong and fearless is our 'family'. It is the strongest support you could ever gain from this planet.

So, love yourself and love everybody. It's ok to be treated mean but never be mean to anybody. Treat others the way you want to be treated. I believe in 'karma'. Life is definitely going to take you to a place where you belong.

Gibberish

Have anyone of you notice that time runs faster than the Japanese 'Shinkanse' after college? Again, Christmas and Chinese New Year is around the corner. I thought I just had my Christmas in year 2008? JEEZ, it's the end. Year 2009 is coming. I was just in grief having my 24 years old birthday celebration; now, the ticking of the clock is alarming me about the approaching of 25 next year, following by 26, 27, 28, 29 and then 30?! LORD! I have to stop thinking about that else I will go crazy.

I realise that I have the tendency to act 'young' and 'cute' comparing to the passing three years. I started to cut my hair shorter with plenty of layers besides keeping bangs. Picking clothes that are 'baby doll' like is something that I would do, too if I think the attire suits me in someway. Meanwhile, wearing some make-up seems to be a necessary thing to do nowadays. Majority of my skincare products carry the anti-aging and wrinkle-fighting functions. Things get more complicated right now as I used to only need to put on moisturising cream. *sigh* Women definitely have a life-long declaration of war to the things, which are closely related to their outward appearance. We go insane losing weight, burn hole in pocket for grooming and even kill to grab on the tail of youthful age. I swear, in my next life, I want to be a man!

Anyways, as cliche as it sounds, my life is really a roller coaster. There are too many extremes. It can be painful, but seriously, I love it. I am sorry mom, it is impossible for me to live up to your expectation of a good daughter, who is obedient. I am not wild but I just don't like being trapped in a conventional society, following some kinds of rules that I think I am not supposed to. The changes in life make me grow in a steady way and I am really glad that I have a 8 months old niece now. Oh, no, the niece thing and the whole previous paragraph has no direct relationship, I guess I am just missing her right now since she is definitely a freaking adorable baby.

I was on a jet plane not too long again and then I moved away. Now, I will have to move again pretty soon. Gosh, this life journey thing is never going to give me a break. But I think I like it in someways. It's exciting, isn't it? Again, a new place with new experience! yeah!

Currently, I am a working class at this Japanese company. Most of the time, I can't differentiate myself from a cleaning lady. White people who came to the store will ASSUME I were a retard and started to spell out each and every word they were saying. 0_o. Well, I guess I will ask if I don't understand. It can be frustrating sometimes but I like my job since it is really an easy-money to earn. the toughest part might be the Japanese style of management system, which include countless times of briefing a day. Though, I can live with it as long as I could have a peek at the books I like once in a while at the corner.

I am not gay but I pro-homosexual. I always think that they are cool. So, I have been reading this Apple's gay blog for quite a while. I like the way the writer conveys his thoughts into words and also admire his truthfulness towards his real feelings. Undeniably, he has a very very wonderful command of language that is rare to be found from other bloggers. However, his recent post about Malaysia Vs Singapore and also Johorean Vs KL people pissed me off. I am not defensive, it's just that I can't tolerate ignorant people to talk about something they don't even know and ended up using ONLY A LOT of generalizations! Come on, if you really want to write something you have no any shit thoughts about, go do some research instead of just using your instinct or friends' opinions. It is just pathetic and ridiculous! I was going to drop a line at his post days ago but then I knew it is going to be more than one lines so I didn't do it. GOD! I am really busy with work nowadays! I don't even have time to show my hostility! Hmm, I think I still love gay people and I still admire gay's Apple writing. But, I still hate the post. Anyways, nobody cares. So, I shut up!

I am not sure about what I have said in this post and also what the purpose was. I think it is just another random update, where there was no connections among paragraphs. I guess besides the aging part, I am happy with my life right now. I am excited about the next coming change!

Hurray!