Five Years

Recently, several people shot me with the same question--" So, what do you see yourself in five years?"

The Question seems to be simple but actually it is not easy to answer. It concerns about your future plan and what you would like to achieve in five years. Obviously, everybody think that I am OLD enough to have a decent plan for myself, in terms of direction in life and also career development. I wasn't able to give the answer right on the spot, my mind raced in search for correct answer, wondering about the BIG accomplishments I ought to have after turning 30.

However, the people who questioned have their goals set in their mind already. As such, they are able to list down whatever they want to achieve in five years while I was doing the thinking.

My colleague, Nen, is a very pretty lady. She is 27 years old at the moment and is busying planning to get married with someone special before turning 30. She said that she is yearning for a settled life, having own family and stable career. As such, her vision in 5 years will be getting married, having a happy family with some children and then maybe furthering study in PHD so that can have a greater promotion at work. However, right now she doesn't have a suitable life partner yet, so she is working hard to get one. Though, I don't think she will need to worry about anything because her cute face can simple attract guys to got in line, waiting patiently for the chance to date her. But, the problem remains since it is really hard to get the RIGHT one nowadays.

My silly housemate, Josephine , who is also 27 years old, happens to be the luckiest woman in this world. She is married to a husband who treats her as if she was the utmost precious diamond in this whole universe. Having a fulfilling and wonderful marriage, she noted that in five years, she would like to obtain her PHD title so that people will address her Dr. Kuah. Besides, her ultimate dream is to open a big private kindergarten where she will be the principal, handling the management and business but not teaching. She would hire a lot of young teachers to do it so that she can earn a lot of money in a very relax manner. Meanwhile, she can start planning having her own babies as it will be easier for her to just place the kids she has at her kindergarten after raising them to a certain age. She can be hilarious sometimes but she is a undoubtedly a very persistent fighter. In this case, I think her vision should not be too hard to achieve.

Dr. Yeoh, the great assistant professor claimed that he would want to become a real Professor in five years, earning more than 10K salary every month and enjoying life at a nice foreign land like New Zealand. Well, seriously, for someone as experienced as him, the so-called plan is just a piece of cake. His salary is very close to 10K right now. In addition, he has a lot of experience teaching overseas. His qualification is good enough to be accepted anywhere in this world. So, again, for him, this is something that will definitely happen in the coming future. He will certainly achieve his plan in five years.

How about me?

I think at my age, which is not that youthful anymore, I should have some 'mature' plans in life, too. So, after thinking for a while, I think I have a list of things that I would like to accomplish in five years so that I can be whom I want to be afterwards.

I would like to first, obtain a master degree from a good university so that I can officially being promoted to lecturer. Secondly, I would like to clear all the debts I have, I owed a huge sum of money to government, friend and also family members. Thirdly, I want to sponsor my parents to trips, at least once a year besides able to give them some pocket money every month. Forth, I want to settle down, too, get married and have my own family but no kids yet! Fifth, I would like to pursue my PHD after my master degree. Sixth, I want to realise my 'flying' dream-- fly high in the sky. Yeah, travel at least once a year to foreign place, let's start from Japan!

I think, my plans are a bit not realistic. Anyways, somebody told me that we have to always set the goals high so that when we couldn't achieve the vision completely, at least the result we have won't fall too far away from the goals we set at first.

So, let's start from the first step, furthering my master study! I have been planning and working on it! Wish me luck.

How about you? What do you see yourself in five years?

Whatever you have wished for, I believe that you can do it, just trust yourself and look up the self-fulfilling prophecy theory! Yeah!

一封信

给一位特别的朋友：

我知道你不可能会上来我的“布洛格”读这封信。你应该不知道我有这样的一个‘自我’空间。但是，我还是很想把心中的一些话写下。不为什么，也许只想记下这特别的一天。

谢谢你对我的绝对信任与依赖；虽然我压根儿帮不上任何忙，却万分的乐意借你我聆听的耳朵。我并没有资格给予任何肯定对的答案因为事事都没有绝对，我们都处在一个灰色地带， 所谓的对跟错只有我们自己可以定论。

今天听到了你有所决定，我真的很为你高兴。虽然很有可能你在通知我的下一秒就开始再次犹豫﹑举棋不定，可是，无论如何，我还是要献上最真的祝福。这可是你在向我倾诉了一段日子后第一次有了一个明确决定，所以这算是一种进步吧？

人都要经历很多才能有所成长，而你在异国奋战的这几个岁月里肯定能明显的发现自己心态上的改变吧。我虽然认识你有一段时间了，但真正和你的心有点靠近却在不久前。很好笑叻！也许是那充满人体极限挑战的艰难夏季给了我们友谊升华的一个机会吧。不过，我们真正的心灵交会却是在我回流后所得到的意外收获。你让我应証了真情无界限的道理，谢谢你喔！

无论如何，在你做下慎重决定的这一天，我在我狂妄的个人空间为你记下了这一页。梦想一定要去追求，但不要坚持用同一种方式。很多时候，盲目追寻的当儿我们却忘了就在弹指间的幸福。

我帮你立下一个新目标—‘二零零九年的你一定要在做下决定后获得重生，体验真正的快乐’。

相信我，这真的不会很难。加油。

一位奇怪的朋友，
诗笳 敬上

keep flying

The best thing about staying at a deserted area which is super far away from home is, you can save a lot of money because you won't be able to travel back to home as usual as others. You save a lot from gas.

So, at your spare time, especially during the weekend, you tend to just hop in car and drive around the town that has nothing to offer. It is hard for you to spend money when you can't even find a theater or any other decent shops around the area. As such, I think I am richer than those who will just simply pass by ten big shopping malls on their way back from work.

You are so freaking free on the weekend, to a stage where you start developing 'weekend phobia' because you will be the only soul in the whole house, left with nothing to do and nobody to talk with, besides grazing on notes, preparing the coming classes and getting pissed at some old maid who is clinically proven to be a psychopath.

Then, you started to question yourself about the decision you made about accepting the job and moving here.

Though, recapturing the moments I have in class and also some lovely students that I have, I realised that it was a right decision. I love teaching, I love the attention people have on me when I speak in front of the class. No, I am not an attention whore, I just love the feeling of sharing my knowledge in front of the kiddoes who are interested in learning.

I am thankful for accepting the offer because in someways, it helps me to obtain the direction in life. I like to teach and I really enjoying sharing experience. This is a Good sign since I am approaching the age of 25, it's time for me to have a clear vision in life while bearing the plan to settle down.

However, the other part of mine still remains as a bird without legs, yearning for the chance to fly high around the sky, having no destinations and no where to stop.

Though, legless bird will end up dying young, out of exhaustion and starvation. It does not sound like a pleasant outcome.

But, there are times I couldn't help but wonder, isn't it a wonderful way to end your life after witnessing all of the greatness in this universe?

疯了

最近疯了。

每天对着一群群明明年龄和我相差不远，思想却有着十万八千里之差的稚气孩童，我真的觉得我在这一个月里老了三十岁。

日复一日的以长者身份谆谆善诱，分享知识与人生经验，犹如一个花甲老人对着围绕在大树下的孩儿述说故事。搞什么呀？就在不久的之前，我不是还在舞厅猛喝烈酒，疯狂乱舞吗？怎么现在回想起来好像是一个世纪以前的事了？

我真的好老。左邻右舍不是资深讲师就是博士狂人，天天一起吃饭哈拉所谈的不外是学生表现和深造，没法子再和任何人一起畅谈什么明星，服装和人生小秘密了。我真的需要一点除了学术上以外的消遣。

四周住满了莘莘学子，出去丢个垃圾也得换衣，深怕被某某某撞见，到学校大做文章；一些稍为年长却尚无对像的绿眼妖怪也会对我的打扮评头论足，尽搞些幼稚的小动作。真的很令我作呕。哎！女人何苦为难女人？尤其是那些老女人特别奇怪。哦！我也是老女人一个吗？可能噢，但至少，我不是变态野蛮的老剩女。

不过，说真的，干这一行的，还真的有很多单身贵族。是因为人生的大半辈子都花在很多的文凭与论文的关系上吗？还是因为学历高而自命清高，眼睛长在头上？依我看，应该是只会读书而不会和人沟通吧？

我不知道，最近生活真的有些极端。

不过，我还蛮喜欢目前的生活，只是希望可以在下班后跳出 '老师' 的圈圈。

相信我，我真的不是一个只会说教的老人，我曾经也是活得很精彩的！T_T

Home?

So, I have been home for almost 6 months. I was overjoy at first because seriously, I missed my family and also my homeland a lot. I know it might not be the best country in this whole universe, but since I grew up here, I thought this is a land where I can call 'Home'.

When I was away, I missed my hometown miserably- I missed the food, I missed the people, I missed the language, I missed the sense of belongingness.

After struggling for a while, I am able to get a proper job. Even though I am really far away from my family right now but still, I am doing something that I enjoy doing and earning decent money. There is nothing much to complain about.

However, after completely returning to my original identity, I am really not happy. I am not sure if this is somewhere I belong to anymore.

Recently, I am really disgusted by the chaotic situation here.

So, there were this group of youngsters who behaved like those uncivilized jungle men from Amazon river, yelling at one respectable leader who was on wheelchair, surrounded him and put him into totally helpless situation, used bad languages on him and then pulling people who were trying to help this leader to get into his way.

For some reasons, the BUNCH of guards or securities people were too WEAK to stop anything, allowing a man with dignity to get humiliated.

Then, some extremely 'brilliant' elder leaders stood up and defend the younger group, saying that they did nothing wrong and will never apologise even though their action were caught on video, uploaded online and viewed by millions worldwide.

Some extrememly barbaric behaviours like 'threatening' through certain object were being repeated for times.

A female leader's naked photos were exposed to the public by her previous boyfriend from a different race. The boyfriend haven't got caught yet and actually to be honest, he will NEVER get caught. Some clever people pointed their fingers at the victim, urging her to resign.

One reputable local newspaper decided to highlight the naked photo issue at the front page, thinking that it was a 'scoop' that was going to rule.

There were people who keep playing racial cards, and then keep accusing innocent decent folks creating chaos among races.

A man who was accused of stealing car were suspected to be abused to death when being detained.

There was violence involved at certain demonstrations, but nothing being covered by mainstream media.

There were loads of raping, killing, robbing cases, nobody really care to take any action. Victims were condemned for being not careful.

Those who shouldn't be jailed were jailed, whereas those who ought to be locked were eating lobsters in fancy restaurants.

People who should lead are fighting over power among themselves, forgetting about why they were being selected in the first place.

It is really easy to 'buy' a particular person. She will imitate a frog, jumping here and there after being paid a certain amount of money.

A local talent who was admired world wide were criticized and attacked for thousands times after being forced to apologise for creating a certain song.

Millions of talents are working for foreign countries that appreciate them because we don't care about the ability of employees here.

I used to be proud for who I am, as I thought we were a unique nation in certain ways.

Nonetheless, I won't 'day-dream' anymore. It's been 52 years, not 2 years. Nothing has been improved and nothing is going to. So far, from what I have seen, we are walking backward, heading back to the cannibalism era.

We are eating each other raw, shredding each other piece by piece.

Completely hopeless.

Let's move away...

the most beautiful watermelon in this whole universe