Money

I want MONEY! Please give me US dollars. Please give me big fat US DOLLARS!!!

Calling help now! S.O.S!

Girls in Nature

We always try to be active, worked out a little bit. So, that weekend, we rode our bikes and rowed the boat in Princeton area...






We try to live up life to the fullest, so we travelled to the West Beach in Long Island last weekend. Then on our way home, we saw the bed of flowers growing at the side of the road. We soaked in the embrace of mother nature, took some photoes and plucked some flowers...





Soooo, Au Pairs are not only good at eating, sleeping, cooking, doing laundry, doing food and grocery shopping, picking kids up, and taking care of kids' daily routine. WE DO HAVE OUR LIFE!

Or are we trying to PROVE that actually we have??!!!

Lonely Night

It's the middle of the night, 12.28am (Friday night or Saturday morning) supposes to be fun. But what am I doing here right now?

1. Sitting in front of the computer. Talking to some random people.
2. Browsing some irrelevant websites.
3. Talking to Protocol on the phone.
4. Drinking Corona Extra alone...

Firstly...

After 10 minutes...

Me drunk. Drunkard...

My Friday night... Drowning in the sea of alcohol..

Though, I love Corona Extra. It tastes soooo good.

Hmmm...

Grandfather's Clock

No Kidding,I love it, I really really do.

I listen to it at least hundred times aday...

KEN HIRAI, you rock!

*smooch*

Feeling

I am not happy.

The sky looks gey and the air smells blue.

I am really not happy.

The saliva tastes bitter and the candy is sour.

I am very unhappy.

I can't see colours and the pink looks like blue.

Though, I am not extremely sad, just not happy, not happy about something, someone and the situation.

I will feel happier after a while. Give me sometime.

Thank you.

Losing Grip

Human eats out of hunger. However, when a person continues to eat when he's fulled, that's not a good sign. When a person feels that his tummy is filled with pounds of junks but he still couldn't stop filling himself, that's freaking bad. When a person is so fulled until he feels like vomitting, yet, he keeps on consuming food, no kidding, that's a bloody sickening evil behaviour!

This is a kind of mental sickness! I have that problem ever since I moved to New York. Man! I eat damn a lot of American's stupid junk food. I gained a lot of weight! Au pair's nightmare is turning to be a FACT! I am so scared. I am really a 'shapeshifter' right now, a housewife whose body figure's like a fridge, massive and overweight without any curve. God! I have to do something before the Wanton Destruction rips me apart.

So... Please bear with me. I can't take it anymore!!! I have to post some of my 'presentable' photoes here as a REMINDER! I have to remember what am I SUPPOSED to look like. NO! Season, you can't live like a Zombie anymore! I am Season, not FATSON. Stop CRAVING like a pig. Fatness! GO AWAY!

I can't move too far away from the way I look in those recent photoes (There's some obvious warning red signal :/ Gross!). Actually should look better, OK?!!

*pinky swear to myself*

Gotta start doing it right NOW. Can't break the promise this time. NO WAY.

Mommy and Granpa

Even though I am residing in New York right now, but still, I call my mom on a daily basis. Most of the time, we don't have anything in particular to talk about, just chatting about some regular stuff. In fact, I just want her to feel safe and knowing that I am still alive in this foreign land.

Last week, she told me that grandpa was admitted to the hospital again. The doctor said he was infected by the virus of Tuberculosis. The news struck everybody. No wonder, he has been losing his weight since last year. No wonder, he has no appetite at all. No wonder, he always has problems with his health. It's a spreading disease. Luckily, the illness was discovered earlier, so he is supposed to be alright after 6 months of medication treatment. Who knows? The prescription of medicine causes serious side effect. He couldn't stop throwing up after eating them. After the ruthless torture, a fragile old man who's 81 years old like him, is truly a skeleton right now. It breaks everybody's heart. My family members wonder if he could make it again this time.

Mommy asked me to pray hard. She noted, "You pray for him. He has to live for another few years since he has been doing good deeds, helping each and everybody out. He wants to live for at least another three years, too, to see you coming home with a master degree. You are always an apple in his eyes..."

My heart sank. I couldn't find any Chinese temple here in Long Island. I prayed in my heart and on my knee...Please God, if you exist...

Maybe in someway my prayer was answered. A moment ago, through the conversation with mom over the phone, I got to know that granpa is in the ward again as he couldn't even take a sip of water. Fortunately, after being sent to the hospital, his condition had improved. Doctor said that he just need to stay in the hospital for some days, until his rejection toward the medication gone. According to my other aunts, granpa is getting better. At least, he starts taking liquid food and the side effects has been decreasing. That's a good sign. I feel relief a little bit...just a little bit though...

Hang on, Papa. You really HAVE to wait for me...

Meanwhile, mommy told me that my dad and her framed another huge photo of mine in the graduation ceremony, picturing me receiving the certificate from a particular minister in Malaysia. That's a picture I retrieved from my previous univesity before leaving for US.

She said, "We have moved the clock from the wall of the second living room to the primary sitting room. Right now, the wall of the second living room is occupied by all of your graduation photoes and ours family photoes. They are all put in nice frames. I have to look at it every morning before leaving for work. Then, browse through each and everyone of them again before turning in...

"I have to do that when I think of you..."

I was speechless for a couple of minutes. The air seem to freeze at the moment.

Then, I replied, "I wish that we can hang another photo of me receiving my master degree against the wall after going home."

Mom laughed.

Tears trickling down from the corners from my eyes.

An unseen homesickness is burning me inside.

I will be home, after getting what I want. For you, me and everbody. :)

Nuts

I feel so bad today. There's like a big hole in my heart. I hate that kind of freaking bloody feeling.

I want to leave here. Everything sucks. It sucks so much and I really hate it. That's enough. I have had enough. I am really not a maid, pay me like a maid if you want me to become one. You don't have full control over my life, I hate it. Please discuss things with me before making any decisions.

I want to leave and be a student again. I have had enough experience. I just want to get the hell out of this program.

Me ain't slave... NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Though, it's not that bad. I feel better after thinking of the innocent chubby cheeks. I am sure that I will miss the little smiling face of my angelic prince. He's way too cute. A completely spoiled kid, whom I love with my entire heart surprisingly. There's like a chemistry between us. Well, fate again, I guess.

Now, thinking of saying goodbye, I could feel the uneasiness. How could I?

I will miss his sweet childlike coice, whining, crying, smiling, laughing and teasing... and...

-The way he call me 'Chia'.
-The way he complained about his sister to me after being bullied.
-The way he asked me to carry him to bed.
-The way he asked me to surround him with his little teddy bears.
-The way I kept vigil over him when he's sick.
-The way he played with me.

-The way he banged me against the wall like a little football player.
-The way he talked to his little soldiers.
-The way he asked about each and everything in this universe.
-The way I dressed him every morning and every night.
-The way I fixed him dinner and supper.
-The way he said 'please' and 'thank you'.
-The way he asked me why I was feeling down.
-The way he said good night.

-The way he told me everything that happened to him in school or daddy's house.

-The way I tucked him in every night...

And, the way he cried in my warm embrace after being beaten up by his sister...

Each and everything...

JESUS CHRIST!!!!

He is NOT my son...

But, sometimes, I really feel like he is MINE!

I never know that I could be that loving to another human being besides my own family members!

FOR GODSAKE!!!

I have to stay AWAY! I have to say goodbye very soon...

HELL

The Mermaid

Picture taken from:www.harmanvisions.com/.../Mermaid-Nocturne.jpg

Recently, my friend, Lampfly published one post about her collection of books in her blog. She mentioned her first story book when she was a kid, "The mermaid". Well, at here I wanna clarify that it is nothing like the Disney's version of "The Little Mermaid". Basically, it's a very sad story, which is not supposed to be categorized as a kid's reading material.

I had the same book when I was like 6 or 7 years old. I still remember the cover of the story book, it was black and red in colour, with the picture of a mermaid, sitting at the seaside. It was a animation. The mermaid had long, thick and straight red hair. She sat at the shore, looking at the endless deep blue sea. It was only a cartoon. Though, her face exuded a kind of vulnerability, radiating with an unknown helplessness...

In general, the plot of the story lingers between the mermaid and a handsome prince. The mermaid was the utmost stunning princess under the sea. She had the sweetest voice in the sea and her mellow voice could melt anyone's heart easily.

One day, without permission, she sneaked out from the palace and swam to the surface of the sea. Accidentally, she met the drowning prince who was in coma. She saved the prince and fell in love with him. Though, she was a creature underwater so it's impossible for her to stay with the prince. A such, she traded her precious voice with a witch for human's legs so that she could stay with the prince as a human being on ground.

Sadly, when the prince saw her, she was mute. Neither could she express her feeling nor telling the prince that she was the one who saved him. At last, the prince married another princess from other country. The mermaid was heartbroken. Actually, she could have gone back to her previous life as a mermaid, if she stabbed the prince at the heart. However, due to the love she had for him, she chose to turn into bubbles, vanishing under the sunlight in the wide blue sky.

I had discussion with my friends before. None of us agree that it's a good story for children. Well, let's take an example, those who read the story, like me and my friends was really upset and had a hard time got it over. Yes, too much for innocent kids like us. Now I am 22 years old, it's like 15 years ago. But, I still remember the colours, the pictures and the story clearly. Obviously, it carved my heart.

Frankly speaking, I used to hate the story. I really detest the story where the guy didn't know the scrifice made by the girl and then ended up falling in love with someone else. It's just too DAFT, hated it. Anyhow, after my friend's post, I left a kinda hateful comment and then I spared sometime to think about it...Well, I guess I love the story from the bottom of my heart or else I won't remember it until today. And, why the fairy tale stories must have the happily ever after ending always? Who made the rules? Isn't it good for the mermaid to vanish like bubbles quietly since the prince didn't really love her?

Like what Lamfly said, we can never assume that the sacrifice that we made always commensurate with the pay that we get...especially when things related to humans and relationship. hmmm...Make sense, right?

The tale was sad, it's the same to reality, isn't it? There are too many mermaids around us..These mermaids are pretty young girls who would do anything for the one they think they love.

Anyway, I guess I am safe. Not me, I am like...born without special affection in certain aspect... Is that good? Maybe... We shall see.