Phobia

(picture taken from-http://www.discoverchiropractichawaii.com/_layout/car-accident.jpg)

When I was browsing through some websites this afternoon, I accidentally caught the picture above in one particular site. Immediately, I saved it without hesitation. That's the picture, exactly the one, which has been preoccupying my mind, when I am driving on the road.

I got my license in year 2003 and I never drove since then. I have been trying to master the skill of driving these few weeks due to the requirement of the program. I drove my brother's and my friend's car whenever I have the chance to do so. But man, it's hard. It's really hard, it's not in my blood. I don't have a gene in driving.

In my whole life, I seldom really worry about things as I always believe that once I brace up myself to make the first step, I will be fine. But, that's bullshit. If you are having that kind of phobia in your heart, it's truly hard to get rid of it. I have the picture in head every time I am driving on the road. My heart would pound and sometimes I would be in the state of blank when I am driving.

God, I am really retarded in driving. I can memorize all the theories in text books, I am able to work on my assignments and thesis under pressure in great speed. I have overcomed the greatest challenge I ever had during my intership but I just couldn't chase away my fear in driving.

Well, I have to admit that there are some improvement after times of practising but there are so many uncivilized nerds who do not know the rules on road. They speed and they honked at you ruthlessly when they couldn't cut your way whilst the traffic is maximal. They blame you for driving at such a low speed. Come on, I am not a great driver who is able to cut here and there. In addition, the roads were narrow, and the traffic was bumper to bumper. Following the rules, please...If you are rushing your way to the hell, don't drag others along with you!

My brother asked me to bang others' cars and then die together with them as I was truly an idiot in driving at the very first time he guided me on the road. He was mean but I think he makes sense. I was such a hopeless moron for him. By the way, Yong also acting harsh on me whenever he guides me. He never yelled at me before that now, he has been doing that from time to time when he is sitting beside me in his Wira.

I am such a failure and I sobbed helplessly for my handicap. The phobia haunted me so deeply. How can I get rid of it? Help me please. I have to improve my skill, or else, I won't be able to fulfil my dream and realise my plan!

GOSH! I need some help!

The day we hugged each other.

A moment ago, I told Tasha that I will only update my blog after getting a real direction in my messy life. Anyhow, after having a short but nice chat with her in MSN, I just feel like leaving a short note here.

In fact, chatting with Tasha reminded me of the golden old days we had in UTAR. That's not really a long time but I feel like I have graduated for ages. Maybe it's like what Chloe has stated, " We are entering a new phase in life, so we feel like we have left the school for a long time..."

Well, I guess so. Within these two months, many things are changing. I heard that some of my friends have moved back to hometown, some of them have got their jobs while some of them are undecided. The saddest thing is, some of the friends actually have stopped contacting each other. OH My, we have just graduated for not more than two months...If things go on this way, I am sure that after another two months, we won't be able to remember each other's names. Not a good sign.

Remember the day we hugged each other? That's the last day in class. I could feel the warmth when my friends held me in such a warm and sweet embrace. That's the first ( and the last time?) I felt that we were so close with each other...

Anyway, Tasha, if you are reading this, may I have your attention please? I know that I am not in your shoe so it would be hard for me to fathom your situation entirely. But, I had that kind of similar experience before. The feeling was terrible and I thought that I wasn't going to survive but I made it, luckily. You are an awesome girl, no problem for anything. Yeah! Just go for it! you will succeed!

Just try your best. :-) you are NEVER alone. Take care of yourself, that's the main thing. Try your best ok? Nothing to lose anyway! :P Wish to hear good news from you soon! MUAKS!

Cheers!

Decision

I have been receiving calls for job interviews these few day...But, I cancelled ALL of them! Yes, you must be thinking, SzeChia must be completely out of her mind, she's crazy...Yes, I am insane. I have been thinking about it over and over again. I couldn't let this chance flip away...I couldn't afford to retrieve it again. I am not sure if I am doign the right thing, but, I guess that's what I have been longing to be.

I had one interesting conversation with one brilliant friend online.

He asked, " Well, you like kids?"

I replied," I love obedient kids."

He noted, " I love Santa Claus. Both of them are imaginary."

This friend of mine is a genius. He has been giving me a lot of useful and intellectual advices. He is a nice guy and I am grateful for his teaching.

Ohya, don't get me wrong, I am not going to have any babies! :p haha, it's just a big decision in life.. I need a lot of courage and strong will to carry on... Pray for me.

All the best for myself...